response 81 of 160:

Jan 7 14:18 UTC 2004

I guess so. I'll cut and paste stuff from there here now and 
again...when I think about it. 

Last night I watched a documentary about Lustron Homes 
http://www.lustron.org . This was especially interesting to me because 
I used to live in a Lustron house. 

It was a really cool house too. It is currently over 50 years old and 
still has the original roof and siding. It has never even needed to be 
painted. Talk about low maintenance! All the interior walls and doors 
are made of metal. It had all kinds of cool built ins like shelves and 
such. Metal cabinets in the kitchen and steel counter tops. Everything 
in this house was durable as could be. 

The only draw back it had was that in the summer, the house didnt 
breathe well so the humidity would collect inside and make the carpets 
dampish and slightly mildewy. Central air would have solved that 
problem but we were just renting. We solved the problem by always 
making sure we left the windows open and fans running. 

I have a lot of personal memories of the place which I have with every 
place I have lived. This was the first place I moved after I got back 
from college in the Sault. I worked for minimum wage at a pet store and 
rented this house with my friend Debbie and her first husband Jeff. We 
were so poor. After we paid our rent, we barely had money left over for 
other things. We used to go to Sam's Club to buy bulk noodles and sauce 
which we would eat every day. I was in the best shape I have ever been 
because I didnt even have bus fare in my budget so I started riding my 
bike to work. 

We were so poor that we didnt have much money for entertainment. 
Because all the walls of the house were metal, everyone gave us magnets 
for housewarming presents. We used to take those alphabet magnets and 
write weird poetry on the walls for fun. 

I wish I had taken some pictures of that but things like film and 
developing werent in my budget then. I dont think I have a single 
picture of that house. But, since there are so many just like it, I 
guess I dont really need one.  It's kind of charming in an ugly sort of 
way.

response 83 of 160:

Jan 8 19:10 UTC 2004

Hmmm. I think I will use this place to write about some of my personal 
feelings about this whole business with the M-net "agora" parody. It 
seems appropriate to talk about such things here. 

While my comments in the one particular item involving valerie really 
honestly were not made in a mean spirited way, there are other comments 
in that conference that are somewhat mean spirited. I have been 
engaging in some intraspection about why I would find such things funny 
and just what is the difference between the parody posts of people I 
like and those of people I dont like. 

I admittedly parodied valerie a lot there. I also have parodied keesan 
a lot too. But they are two people I really like and respect. In fact, 
in those two particular cases, the traits I parodied are the very 
traits I like *most* about them. This is especially true with keesan. 
Her personality is so unique and interesting and while she does seem to 
obsess over certain details, I am always impressed with just how very 
functional her life is. In some ways I envy her and wish I could be 
more like her (although most of the time I am pretty happy to be like 
me). 

This business has had me thinking a lot about a certain friend of mine 
named Terry. He has one of the best dry sarcastic senses of humor of 
anyone I know. When he mocks someone it is really funny. He could be a 
professional comedian. But, when I first met him and he mocked me, it 
did hurt my feelings. I had forgotten that. It hurt my feelings because 
I thought it meant he didnt like me. Later on, when I realized that he 
did like me I grew to like the way he mocked me. 

On my very first backpacking trip (which was in November), I had over 
done it. I had blisters on my feet. I was cold. I had slipped in the 
mud and pulled a muscle in my leg that hurt so bad, I could barely 
walk. Late in the day we came to a part of the trail with a huge hill. 
I honestly didnt think I would make it up the hill. I started to cry. 
First Terry mocked my crying. Then he ran up the hill and started 
singing "Everybody Hurts" by REM. So, instead of crying, I soon 
realized I was laughing. I joked about how I was going to climb that 
hill just to punch him in the nose. We both laughed. I climbed the 
hill. Anyhow, that is just a memory that has come back to me because of 
all this business. Mostly because last September, I went to a wedding 
of a person who also knows Terry and he and I spent almost an hour 
mocking Terry and making fun of him even though he wasnt there. It 
wasnt mean spirited at all but was rather a way of us dealing with his 
absence at this function and how we all missed him a lot (he moved to 
Hawaii about 3 years ago). 

But, in that conference I also made fun of people I dont like or where 
angry with at the time. That was mean spirited. It is no secret, for 
instance, that I really dont like russ. He is just one of the most 
horrible people I have ever met. But he is *really* fun to make fun of. 
Whenever I have parodied him, it was more cutting than other things. 
Mostly because I'm usually making fun of traits I dont like about him. 
Even when I was making fun of his very few endearing qualities, it was 
always done in a mean way. The thing I have to admit is that while I am 
sorry that valerie's feelings have been hurt, I really dont care about 
his feelings. I really dont. In his case, I realize that he could read 
those items and think "Oh, I feel bad" and I wouldnt care. And even 
though like most other people, I want to be liked, I dont really care 
about his opinion so if he were to think, "Oh that Lynne is such a 
bitch", that wouldnt bother me either. *shrug*

I have more thoughts about this but I am running out of time for the 
moment. I'll post more later. 

response 85 of 160:

Jan 8 20:28 UTC 2004

Honestly, you are not one of the people I dont like. But Bruce is 
(although it isnt like I *hate* him, he just rubs me the wrong way 
sometimes). I will admit that sometimes his politics piss me off. I 
havent bothered to reread everything I have written in that conference 
but probably some of the parody of Bruce was mean spirited on my part 
especially if I was mocking a post that had made me angry in the first 
place. 

 I can understand that it would make you angry that people read him 
wrong. I have some people in my life who I love very much who often are 
read wrong and disliked. Or at least that is how I feel (that they have 
been read wrong) so I do understand where you are coming from. When 
that happens, I just try to remember all the reasons why *I* love that 
person because that is all that matters anyway. 

response 87 of 160:

Jan 8 21:04 UTC 2004

Oh, I understand that well, which is why I don't normally say much when people
argue with Bruce here on grex. If he can't debate it well, I'm not going to
do it for him (and I'm already far too identified with him in some people's
minds --  I AM different and hold my own opinions, which are definitely not
his in many cases). 

But it still pisses me off to see things which I said which no one argued with
parodied -- slynne, the one that I recall that involved you was a bummed item
in which I mentioned that I'd been caught in game traffic. I wasn't doing it
to show "oooh, I'm so superior that I live in Ann Arbor". It was more of a
ticked thing that my friend and I had misjudged it, and that she'd gotten her
car dinged (because it was right after she'd been in a traffic accident and
had to have her car totalled, so she was PARANOID and blamed me for not
knowing when the game started). Maybe it was a convenient jumping off point
for parodying a person who is superior about living here, but I'm not that
person and I didn't enjoy being used as the straw man in that case. I say
"briarworld" because all the people at work do -- maybe it's precious, but
it's a habit picked up from them. 

response 89 of 160:

Jan 8 21:45 UTC 2004

Oh, and I will remember that you dont like this sort of thing and will 
take that into consideration in the future. 

response 91 of 160:

Jan 8 22:28 UTC 2004

Ok. So some other thoughts about the some of the mean spirited comments 
in that conference. I do use mean humor when I am angry. It helps me 
deal with the anger. Sometimes I am reluctant to address someone 
directly when a topic makes me angry. There are a number of reasons for 
this ranging from a desire to avoid confrontation to a desire to get 
out my feelings without derailing an active item with a total pissing 
contest. Of course, I am not immune from doing that but there have been 
times when I have been angry and decided to go make fun of someone 
either in Mnet's flame conference or Mnet's agora conference because it 
seemed better than expressing my anger more directly. 

This is because expressing anger in a funny way is a method I use to 
make myself not angry anymore. If I can laugh at something or someone, 
I usually stop feeling angry. If there werent those conferences, I 
would probably be doing the parody anyway but in email with folks. In 
fact, I *do* parody people in email when I think it is too nasty to 
post in a public place. This is a coping mechanism that has served me 
well for all of my life. I dont think I am going to abandon it. 

Also, being angry with someone is different from disliking them. I have 
done mean parodies of people I love when they have made me angry. 

response 93 of 160:

Jan 9 02:24 UTC 2004

It is true that people often stop laughing when the joke is on them. I 
have even felt hurt if a parody has hit too close to home. I am 
selective about what I post here but not really because I am afraid 
someone will make fun of me. It is more because it is a public place 
and I tend to put forth a public face. 

response 95 of 160:

Jan 10 15:48 UTC 2004

Which isnt to say that I believe that grex is all pixels on a screen or 
that I put forth a false me. 

I have noticed that sometimes people seem to treat grex like some kind 
of therapy group rather than something like a party. I used to 
participate in a therapy group and I shared very personal things in 
that context but that was because I trusted the other people in the 
group and because there were clear rules about how group members were 
to treat what was said there. I think I pretty much present myself here 
the same way I do in real life if I were at a party with people I didnt 
know too well. 

response 97 of 160:

Jan 10 17:36 UTC 2004

I cant fault anyone for being surprised about the different outlooks 
that people have about bbs conferencing and life in general. And even 
though janc says that anyone who couldnt anticipate valerie's reaction 
to the parody item is stupid, I really was surprised by it. I guess I 
as guilty of expecting others to have similar views about such things 
as anyone else is around here. 

response 99 of 160:

Jan 10 17:49 UTC 2004

Ok. This post reminded me of something from the baby diary. valerie 
said some mean things about a woman who was supposed to be Arlo's 
teacher this year but quit just before the school year started. By 
cooincidence I happen to know this woman and while I am not close to 
her now, I was at one time. I wasnt sure how I felt about that. 

 naturally, valerie has a right to write about her life and her 
thoughts and feelings about things even if those thoughts are not too 
pleasant thoughts about someone I know. Did my friend give valerie 
permission to be discussed in a negative way with a wide audience on a 
bbs system? In a sense, I have to say that she did. All of do. If I 
drive like an asshole on my way to work and cut someone off and then 
flip them off, they may mention that to people they know. They might 
blog about it someplace. They might even make fun of me. If I happened 
to do such a thing to someone I know, they might even identify me when 
they make fun of me or say negative things about me. 

I respect valerie's decision to remove her postings from grex even 
though I personally believe it is a huge over-reaction. Just like I 
would believe a person has a right to shut themselves inside their 
house with the shades drawn in order to avoid any chance of anyone 
making negative comments about them online somewhere. Still, that 
doesnt seem like a healthy attitude at all. Well at least not if it 
goes on for a long time. As a short term response to being very hurt, I 
suppose it could be beneficial. 

response 101 of 160:

Jan 11 14:09 UTC 2004

No, it is not impersonal. I feel like I trust most people here. And to 
be honest, the few people I dont trust I dont care about. I do feel a 
sense of community too. I have a lot of friends I trust and feel 
connected to too. But I dont always share my deepest most innermost 
thoughts with them. I reserve those for my closest friends or my 
handwritten diary. 

Oddly, I really believe that using a medium like this as a sort of 
therapy could be useful. I know that I find writing about my problems 
to be particularly cathartic. It is just that doesnt fit with the idea 
of open access. If you are going to let *anyone* come in, 
well...*anyone* can come in. jep's divorce items were obviously very 
useful to him. They were useful to me too in ways I am not going to 
share in an open forum. However, he said things that could hurt him if 
certain people ever became aware of them. It was not only possible that 
those people would read the items, it was likely. 

response 103 of 160:

Jan 11 14:25 UTC 2004

There is a very interesting article in today's New York Times magazine 
about blogging and how some people view it. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/11/magazine/11BLOG.html

I thought this bit was interesting:

"The new forms of communication are madly contradictory: anonymous, but 
traceable; instantaneous, then saved forever (unless deleted in a 
snit). In such an unstable environment, it's no wonder that 
distinctions between healthy candor and ''too much information'' are in 
flux and that so many find themselves helplessly confessing, as if a 
generation were given a massive technological truth serum."

response 105 of 160:

Jan 11 17:03 UTC 2004

I find that to be the case a lot of the time. I mean I have written 
about people in my real life online here and felt safe about it because 
they dont read this and I dont expect anyone here knows them. But, I 
still do it with the knowledge that what I write could be found by them 
or repeated to them. It is hard to explain but I figure if that 
happens, I'll explain what I was thinking when I wrote whatever I did. 
Mostly, I am not so much concerned that they will be upset by what I 
wrote. It is more that I have a way of embellishing stories or 
remembering things inaccurately. I always get the general gist of 
things but sometimes the details are wrong.