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| Author |
Message |
| 25 new of 155 responses total. |
senna
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response 76 of 155:
| 
Dec 2 08:12 UTC 2001 |
What's the best strategy for trying to get together with someone? Do you find
out their status first, or do you just dive in for the early familiarity and
see what comes?
|
i
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response 77 of 155:
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Dec 2 14:57 UTC 2001 |
Dive in. Her status doesn't affect whether she'll be a good friend, i've
no surplus of those, and i don't want her for anything closer if she can't
be a good friend.
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phenix
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response 78 of 155:
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Dec 2 18:41 UTC 2001 |
there yha go i.
perfect plan
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senna
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response 79 of 155:
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Dec 3 03:26 UTC 2001 |
I'd be with you there. Otherwise, trying to be friendly is just a subterfuge,
and what's the point?
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vidar
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response 80 of 155:
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Dec 4 00:15 UTC 2001 |
Get to know them through friendship first, then if you feel you've got
a chance, ask them on a date without using the word date. The worst
thing that will happen is that they'll say "no." Even if that's the
case, don't stop being friends just 'cause you can't get a date.
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michaela
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response 81 of 155:
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Dec 4 01:46 UTC 2001 |
Bingo. :)
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flem
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response 82 of 155:
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Dec 5 22:00 UTC 2001 |
All right, that pushes the button down far enough to get the 25 cent rant.
So, what the heck is it about the word "date" that is supposed to kill
friendships? Do people actually think that if they don't utter the magic
word, they won't be put in any embarrassing situations? Free Clue: It's
probably crossed her mind that you might be interested, and you'll look a hell
of a lot less stupid if you just up and ask her on a date than if you skulk
around the subject like a thirteen year old virgin. You aren't fooling
anyone, romeo.
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michaela
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response 83 of 155:
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Dec 5 22:51 UTC 2001 |
Well, I think it's smoother to hear, "Would you like to go out for coffee
sometime?" than "Would you like to go on a date?" It's just a more casual
approach to earn the same thing.
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phenix
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response 84 of 155:
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Dec 5 23:43 UTC 2001 |
yes, just like it's smoother to say "would you like a cup of coffee"
instead of
"would you like to get freaky buck nekkid stylez on my bed"
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michaela
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response 85 of 155:
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Dec 6 00:47 UTC 2001 |
<laugh>
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vidar
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response 86 of 155:
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Dec 6 02:09 UTC 2001 |
This response has been erased.
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vidar
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response 87 of 155:
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Dec 6 02:14 UTC 2001 |
I agree with michaela. I believe that asking "would you like to go on
a date" is likely to earn you more "no"'s than asking "would you like
to <adjective + activity> with me sometime?". I don't know that for
certain, though.
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flem
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response 88 of 155:
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Dec 6 02:14 UTC 2001 |
Seems to me that a cup of coffee, especially now that that line has become
such a commonly understood code phrase, *is* a date. It seems disingenuous
at best to pretend it's not.
Sigh. I guess I just have a problem with the whole elaborate ritual of it.
Seems like it's unacceptable just to come right out and admit that you're
interested. Seems like you have to make yourself look stupid two or three
times first before you even find out if you have a chance.
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flem
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response 89 of 155:
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Dec 6 02:15 UTC 2001 |
87 slipped in.
Yes, but *why*?
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michaela
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response 90 of 155:
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Dec 6 04:24 UTC 2001 |
Asking someone for coffee/movie/dinner/drink/dancing/videos *is* showing
interest. What it shows is that you not only want a date, but you've come
up with an idea of where to go and what to do. I'd much rather hear, "Oh,
you like billiards too? We should go to the billiard hall on W. Main some
time." than "Wanna go on a date?"
It just seems more mature and structured. However, I would not refuse, "Wanna
go on a date?" ;-)
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lelande
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response 91 of 155:
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Dec 6 08:46 UTC 2001 |
flembo, to my knowledge and to my practice there is no constraint against
straight-forward propositions of any nature, there is no real need to play
the game. at a party, smiling, tilting the head, squinting the eyes a little,
sipping your drink and saying "let's go somewhere private" is pretty
straightforward.
the only time i like being coy, gamey, asking a girl to sit down for coffee
or saying "hey let's go for a walk" (try it) is like challenging a player to
a game of chess or poker, because it's the game and the conversation will be
a succession of questions, get-to-know-me content, and clever banter. the
questions and the clever banter are the game part. if she's not up to your
skill level in these two areas, i suggest two options: 1) steer her through
her own content with carefully laid questioning, if you're interested -- if
you're not interested, then, 2) ask her for a handjob. tell her what she's
saying isn't all that interesting, and a handjob is about all she's worth to
you now.
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vidar
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response 92 of 155:
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Dec 6 13:00 UTC 2001 |
I would actually find the person who just up and asked "wanna go on a
date?" to be looking stupider than the person who asks about doing a
certain activity.
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cyklone
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response 93 of 155:
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Dec 6 14:30 UTC 2001 |
So you prefer asking for handjobs instead of dates?
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eeyore
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response 94 of 155:
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Dec 6 16:10 UTC 2001 |
I guess I just think that asking "Wanna go on a date?" lacks a certain style.
We all appreciate style, and "Wanna get some coffee?" sounds a lot smoother,
especially if it is a first date situation. I don't know about the rest of
you, but I'd be nervous enough over coffee, but a total wreck if I'm thinking
of it as "A Date".
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flem
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response 95 of 155:
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Dec 6 17:35 UTC 2001 |
I guess what I'm really objecting to is not the decision whether or not to
refer to it as a date, but the attempt to play it both ways. So, paraphrasing
from (admittedly feeble) memory: "ask them out for coffee, *carefully
avoiding the word 'date'*, and then if it doesn't work out, you won't have
ruined your friendship" (emphasis mine)
Why do people think that if they admit their interest, it will negatively
impact the existing friendship?
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lelande
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response 96 of 155:
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Dec 6 21:56 UTC 2001 |
fear. deeply embedded memories of parental rejection or disappointment. you
know, the usual.
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michaela
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response 97 of 155:
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Dec 7 01:53 UTC 2001 |
I love lelande. :)
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senna
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response 98 of 155:
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Dec 7 02:59 UTC 2001 |
What happened to the good old days when you could go out for coffee without
it being understood to be a date? I prefer to look at that sort of thing as
a get-to-know opportunity in which romance may or may not be a possibility.
Or even, may not be.
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michaela
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response 99 of 155:
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Dec 7 03:12 UTC 2001 |
Exactly...that's what a date USED to be...getting to know someone better.
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lelande
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response 100 of 155:
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Dec 7 05:35 UTC 2001 |
ahhh . . .
gaining acceptance.
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