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Grex > Femme > #102: WHO SAID LOOKS SHOULD BE EVERYTHING? | |
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| 20 new of 69 responses total. |
orinoco
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response 50 of 69:
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Oct 26 17:41 UTC 1999 |
But for some people, it's difficult to accept compliments. It takes effort
for me to just say "thank you" rather than disagreeing or getting defensive.
Not sure why that is.
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mooncat
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response 51 of 69:
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Oct 26 20:17 UTC 1999 |
Hmm, do you feel like the compliment is inappropriate or wrong?
I was just taught that it just makes the complimentor feel better if you
just smile politely and say "Thank you." I've also noticed that I have
an easier time with things like clothes, then things attached to me-
for example "I really like that outfit" as opposed to "Your hair looks
really good cut like that." Thie first is easier for me to feel good
about and the second makes me fight the 'no, it doesn't, really' reply.
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beeswing
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response 52 of 69:
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Oct 26 23:30 UTC 1999 |
I get that with the "Ooh you've lost weight" compliment... most of the
time I haven't lost weight. It's either the clothes or maybe I've lost
inches, but not weight. Not sure how to respond because if I say "No, I
haven't!" it's interpreted as: "Nooo! I'm a big fat cow!", when I'm just
saying I have not actually lost weight. I usually respond with a "Dunno,
I don't have a scale at home." Which is the truth.
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keesan
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response 53 of 69:
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Oct 30 00:26 UTC 1999 |
I tell people working at the library or the bank that I like their clothing.
They are generally ignored as part of the machinery. Every one has thanked
me, as have random strangers on the street when I admired the color of their
skirt. (I have not tried complimenting the opposite sex, maybe I should as
an experiment, and report back.) Has anyone tried complimenting a man on his
appearance? Are men allowed to say thank you?
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orinoco
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response 54 of 69:
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Oct 30 05:22 UTC 1999 |
People sometimes tell me they like a t-shirt I'm wearing, but that's not
really the same sort of thing. I don't think anyone's ever complimented me
out of the blue on "real" clothing I'm wearing. Of course, given the amount
of effort I put into what I wear, that's hardly surprising....
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abc
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response 55 of 69:
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Oct 30 14:33 UTC 1999 |
What? T-shirts aren't real clothing? Um...**looks into closet** Hmm...
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orinoco
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response 56 of 69:
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Oct 30 16:31 UTC 1999 |
Meaning when I get a compliment on a t-shirt, it's because someone thinks the
slogan is funny, not because they think I've got amazing fashion sense.
"Real" probably was the wrong choice of words.
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abc
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response 57 of 69:
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Oct 30 22:04 UTC 1999 |
It's a compliment on your sense of humor as opposed to sense of fashion.
If I actually thought about fashion before getting dressed every morning, I
might as well crawl back into bed. In the few times that I need to care what
I look like, I always get a second opinion.
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keesan
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response 58 of 69:
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Oct 30 23:16 UTC 1999 |
Orinoco, if some friend said they liked the way your hair looked today, how
would you respond?
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orinoco
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response 59 of 69:
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Oct 30 23:27 UTC 1999 |
I'd probably say "thanks" and change the subject. (Although it would feel
a little weird taking credit for the state of my hair, since how it is when
I wake up is how it is all day).
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scott
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response 60 of 69:
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Oct 31 02:29 UTC 1999 |
I'd ask them what they thought if I shaved it all off. ;) I've been known
to do that sort of thing.
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clees
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response 61 of 69:
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Nov 1 09:09 UTC 1999 |
Beauty and looking great is, in my view, mostly determined by how
someone feels about himself.
Because when you do, you will radiate this into the outer world and
people will mainly notice that.
A low self esteem in that prospect is very deadly, but it can be oh so
hard to come terms with how you look and what your appearance is like.
I have known, and still do, people who are by no means the example of
what the media define as gorgeous, but they still have that effect on me
of mesmirizing and admiring them for the great beauty they have got.
On the other hand can very beautiful/handsome people have no such
effect on me whatsoever. Maybe that's why people who are very in love
can be so beautiful.
For instance, I am skinny beyond anything. When in the States there was
this hotelroom in Las Vegas with a huge mirror in the bathroom. Very
confronting when opening the shower curtain I can tell you. For the
first time in years I could see myself from head to toe, and I thought
to myself: 'God! You are skinny, Rick!'
Yet, currently I feel very happy with the body and looks I have got.
It's is lean and tight muscled even though it's not much. I simply love
my hints towards a six pack at my abs.
It doesn't bother me anymore not having broad shoulders, arms like tree
trunks and wings at my back.
Is this vain? I don't think so, it has taken me years to accept my body
for what it is, and I think I'd hate it to change at all, right now.
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swa
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response 62 of 69:
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Nov 9 01:23 UTC 1999 |
Re 50: I'm the same way about compliments. I try to dismiss them as much
as possible. I don't know quite why, and on some logical level I know
it's silly. Last year in a writing workshop class I was taking, the class
was commenting on things they liked about one of my essays, and I kept
instinctively responding with comments like, "Well, thank you, but this is
really very rough and I was just sort of making it up as I was going along
and..." Finally one of my friends who was in the class took me aside and
said, "You know, Sara, you don't need to argue when people say nice things
about your writing. It's really okay to let them compliment you." But
this doesn't naturally occur to me - I think somehow, instinctively, I do
assume that the evil eye is going to get me or some such.
With myself it's mostly *skills* that I feel defensive about being
complimented about -- whether writing or photography or underwater
basketweaving or whatever. Maybe I just have trouble thinking of myself
as a creative person, or maybe it's just an awareness that even at things
I can do sort of well there is still so much to learn. When I *give*
compliments to others, though, it's
the compliments on how they look that I notice being refuted the most.
Somehow allowing oneself to think, "hmm, I look nice today," makes them
feel guilty, as if that statement were the same as "I am the most
beautiful person in the universe and everyone should worship me as a
goddess." I've noticed this more with physical than with other
attributes. Not sure why this is.
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keesan
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response 63 of 69:
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Nov 11 18:21 UTC 1999 |
People generally thank me and look pleased when I admire their clothing.
Possibly because I am clearly not trying to compete with their looks so they
don't have to make me feel good about mine in comparison with theirs.
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remmers
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response 64 of 69:
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Nov 17 13:20 UTC 1999 |
Re resp:62 - Excellent response!
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mary
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response 65 of 69:
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Nov 17 20:22 UTC 1999 |
Go clean your room, Rembo. ;-)
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swa
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response 66 of 69:
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Nov 30 04:43 UTC 1999 |
Er, um, thank you... :)
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orinoco
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response 67 of 69:
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Nov 30 18:52 UTC 1999 |
(Rembo?)
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remmers
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response 68 of 69:
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Dec 1 22:05 UTC 1999 |
(Don't give it a second thought...)
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loperbd
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response 69 of 69:
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Apr 22 15:46 UTC 2002 |
After the last drops...
I'm a man and I give compliments if the time is there. Timing and what
the other expresses make me that I give easily compliments, and I live
maybe with the fixed idea they are true and accepted. I live in the
dream they like my compliments, for they depart smiling, and smiles
show a lot, I think that. I invent, yes I've a well developed fantasy,
in which I think I'm not a very bad man and even romantic and the
absurd thing, I think I'm a nice husband.
You can think a lot, can't you.
Language is lovely.
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