response 47 of 93:

Jun 30 16:29 UTC 2003

Strom Thurmond's last words:
"They legalized sodomy?  Over my dead body!"

response 49 of 93:

Jul 2 17:36 UTC 2003

... But not the frosting, apparently.

response 51 of 93:

Jul 3 04:51 UTC 2003

#50:  Yum.  :)

response 53 of 93:

Jul 25 11:27 UTC 2003

[It's been a while since this was posted.]

              Taco Bell Ritual

The moon was full and the streets were glowing with
power on this appointed day. Clad in ritual garb, I
silently walked towards my place of worship.

Soon it towered before me: Taco Bell. The mirror of my
heart and the captain of my soul. I closed my eyes to
ground and center. As I felt my inner power grow, I
intoned the ancient chant: 59-79-99, 59-79-99.

I watched almost from a distance as my hand reached
out and opened the door to this holy temple of human
desire. I entered the ritual space deliberately, but
reverently. As the door closed behind me and the
sounds of the street faded to a negligible chatter, I
could begin to hear the spirits of this domain in
their eternal song. Their song took the melody from
the chorus of that famous pagan song by Peter Murphy:
Taco, Burritos, Mexi-Nuggets, Nachos, Soft Drink,
Tostada.

As I took my place at the rear of the line of novices,
I could see and hear ahead of me the graceful
movements and words of the purple-clad priests and
priestesses. One of the elders was imparting magickal
wisdom to a young initiate: "Turn that stove down -
the tortillas are getting charred!" Ah, I thought,
they have not forgotten the burning times.

Yesterday, upon the advice of a wise urban shaman I
met late at night in Pioneer Square, I had stuffed a
taco in my pants. I could still feel its pressure
against my second chakra, filling my body with its
warm, yet chile energy.

Soon I reached the front of the line of novices. A
sacred temple priestess stood before me, clad in a hat
bearing the logo of her order. "My Will is four light
bean burritos, hold the cheese, with a small soft
drink. So mote it be." The power present in the room
twisted her face into what in mundane life would be
interpreted as confusion. I made the ritual offering
of metal discs, gifts of the earth, as she made the
traditional magickal response: "Would you like that
for here or to go?"

At last, I was ready to take my place at an altar. My
four burritos, wrapped in their silver metallic
wrappers, lay before me. "Shining ones," I murmured. I
was profoundly moved, almost swooning as I reverently
took one out of its wrapper. "May you never hunger," I
said as I emptied a ritual sauce packet on it.

Now it was time to invoke an element. "I call air," I
said as I farted noisily. The novice behind me made a
gagging sound and moved away. "Oh well," I told him,
"go if you must, stay if you will." Next, thinking on
the Great Rite, I inserted my straw into my soft
drink.

The room was swirling with energy. I felt my stomach
turn in sympathy. I hoped I wouldn't have to go to the
toilet to practice the law of threefold return.
Quickly, I reestablished my grounding.

But the energy was at its peak, and I could hold my
voice back no longer. Leaping on my chosen altar and
holding my atham-burrito high, I cried, "Trifold
taco! Be with us now as we honor you with cup and
bean!" It was a transcendent moment. The quizzical
looks on the faces of the novices before me only
deepened the sense of profound mystery that I knew we
must all be feeling.

But by the appearance of the two large uniformed
gentlemen in front of me, I knew that my role in this
ritual had come to a close. I felt as they dragged me
out the door that my feet were not even touching the
ground. With my soul in the clouds and my feet on the
earth, I turned to the outer doors of the temple and
bowed my head. Merry eat, and merry fart, and merry
eat again.

                   Blessed bean!

response 55 of 93:

Jul 26 21:51 UTC 2003

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Think outside the bun!

response 61 of 93:

Aug 1 04:08 UTC 2003

The poet or the Supreme Court Justice?

response 63 of 93:

Aug 2 03:58 UTC 2003

Well, the Tao and Zen are a little different-- the Tao is very inward 
directed, and Zen is very outward directed, from what I hear.  I am 
reading the Tao Te Ching right now.

response 65 of 93:

Aug 4 07:22 UTC 2003

re63: what translation?

response 67 of 93:

Aug 6 17:02 UTC 2003

According to a news report, a school in Washington recently was faced 
with a unique problem. A number of 13-year-old girls who had just started 
using lipstick would put it on in the school bathroom. Which was fine, 
but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the
mirror leaving hundreds of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
the girls would put more there. Finally the principal decided that 
something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom
and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these 
lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean 
the mirrors every night. 

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked
the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. 
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned
the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

response 69 of 93:

Aug 6 17:08 UTC 2003

i hope that's true.