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| Author |
Message |
| 21 new of 45 responses total. |
orinoco
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response 25 of 45:
| 
May 9 21:39 UTC 1999 |
The general opinion seems to be that you have _a sexuality_ which you
"discover" at some point in your life. I'm not so sure I believe that,
though. Even over the course of a few weeks I find myself drifting back and
forth between mostly-straight and mostly-gay; I can't imagine staying even
relatively stable over the course of years.
|
brown
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response 26 of 45:
|
May 9 22:31 UTC 1999 |
.. just wishing for friendships that are
(stable)
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keesan
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response 27 of 45:
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May 10 21:29 UTC 1999 |
Supposedly some people 'outgrow' being gay. Is this an actual change or have
they just made a decision not to act on their true feelings? I had a
short-term housemate who went to a psychiatrist to be talked out of being gay
- this failed, no surprise.
|
gypsi
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response 28 of 45:
|
May 11 05:20 UTC 1999 |
Being "talked out of being gay" would be as easy to do as talking me out of
being a brunette. It's not one of those things that can be changed very
easily. Why did they want to be talked out of it, btw?
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keesan
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response 29 of 45:
|
May 12 01:00 UTC 1999 |
I think he wanted to be 'normal'. He seemed normal to me, except for being
around 6' 5". I find normal sort of boring.
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brighn
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response 30 of 45:
|
May 12 02:03 UTC 1999 |
Um, Sarah, they sell bottles in any drugstore. People change their hair colors
every day. Bad analogy. =}
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gypsi
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response 31 of 45:
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May 12 02:56 UTC 1999 |
Pbbbbttt... :-P~
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jazz
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response 32 of 45:
|
May 13 12:52 UTC 1999 |
Actually, there are several clinical success stories. Take that
however you want it. I suppose it depends on the individual - though sexual
definitions tend to be proffered as invariable parts of one's being, they
aren't always, and at least one clinical success that I've read transcripts
of dealt with a man who was gay, as far as I can tell, because of a
deep-seated fear of, and inability to deal with, women. His choices in
partners reflected this fear - they were 'punks'. It took several years to
get his life together, and he chose to be straight rather than bisexual,
insofar as his choices in partners.
|
lumen
|
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response 33 of 45:
|
May 28 04:36 UTC 1999 |
To tell my side of the story..
As I told you, I was fairly aware that I was bi when I was about hmmm..
in the secondary grades.
I was *never* really comfortable with it, and I was beating myself up
until a few years back. I began to develop the idea that no
self-respecting woman of my faith would ever love me if she found out I
was bi. I eventually told someone I was dating around that time, but
she was much too young (jailbait) to take it.
What I found out was this-- telling your girlfriend that you are
bisexual can be perceived as a threat. Not only is there the danger
that you might cheat with a woman, but there is the possibility that you
might cheat with a man. The urges are always there, and my psychiatrist
told me that it is a real issue in a relationship. From what I've
guessed, most women want stability and security, and having a bisexual
partner presents a real challenge.
First and foremost, I think you need to reassure her that this will not
destroy your relationship if and when you tell her, and you need to talk
about options.
I do think "training" is a good idea-- to gradually introduce it into
the picture of who you are. For most of us here, activism isn't an
all-consuming goal; if you're the same, it should be fairly easy to show
that you're like everyone else.
I brought it up with Julie when I was having problems in my
relationship. I think the issue of sexuality had been making cracks,
since the poor girl I was dating seemed jealous. I had opened my big
mouth again, but an old buddy of mine had been hitting on me really hard
for quite some time and was crestfallen when I told him I was dating a
girl. Oh hell, I'll call him an old boyfriend-- even though we never
did get much past the friendship stage.
Julie understood-- she said she'd thought about women. She had
volunteered for an AIDS care hospice before, so she had been educated.
Both of us have relatives and siblings who are gay, lesbian, or bi. As
she said, she came out to me a little while after we got engaged, and we
started attending GALA.
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jazz
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response 34 of 45:
|
May 28 12:37 UTC 1999 |
There are a lot of issues involved with a person in an established
relationship "coming out" as bisexual ... running the gamut from general
homophobia and the good 'ol Chasing Amy "Passive-Agressive Gay Bashing"
syndrome, to the decision some bisexuals have made that because they are
interested in two genders, that monogamy for them is having one partner of
each gender.
But, then again, this is Ann Arbor, and for a while I was convinced
that all women were, a priori, bisexual because of the locals.
|
brighn
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response 35 of 45:
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May 28 23:27 UTC 1999 |
I've heard that said, too, about bisexuals and monogamy. That's absurd.
Monogamy means commitment to a single person.
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jazz
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response 36 of 45:
|
May 29 02:00 UTC 1999 |
You're just miffed because they aren't admitting to polyamory. :)
|
brown
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response 37 of 45:
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Jun 1 04:46 UTC 1999 |
<bob rolls his eyes and runs for cover
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brighn
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response 38 of 45:
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Jun 1 05:22 UTC 1999 |
Not miffed. Annoyed would be a better word, yes.
=}
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lumen
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response 39 of 45:
|
Jun 2 01:27 UTC 1999 |
Well, I guess it would be a question of monogamy vs. polyamory, then.
You have to decide whether or not others will be allowed in, and if yes,
what the terms need to be.
I have heard of some couples where one informs the other if there is to
be a fling, and usually, the outside party is informed that it is solely
a physical attraction and not a long-term thing.
Keeping the relationship stable seems to be the overarching issue.
|
bookworm
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response 40 of 45:
|
Jun 11 23:19 UTC 1999 |
pardon my confusion, Paul, but are you saying that bisexuality and monogamy are
absurd or that people's belief that bisexuals cannot have a monogamous
relationship is absurd? Personally I vote the latter, seing as I am a bisexual
in a monogamous (committed to one person) relationship.
|
lumen
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response 41 of 45:
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Jun 11 23:45 UTC 1999 |
My wife is so secure in that decision-- wish I was. But we wish not to
jeopardize the good things we have in our faith.
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brighn
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response 42 of 45:
|
Jun 12 05:15 UTC 1999 |
I'm saying that if you have a relationship with two people, you're not
monogamous, regardless of the genders of the two people you're having
relationships with.
Of course bisexuals can be monogamous; bisexuals can be celibate, too.
|
cyberpnk
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response 43 of 45:
|
Jun 14 18:01 UTC 1999 |
On the next Jerry Springer......
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lumen
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response 44 of 45:
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Jun 14 18:20 UTC 1999 |
ack! no..I remember a show on bisexuals and their relationships once..
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bookworm
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response 45 of 45:
|
Jun 19 20:24 UTC 1999 |
I despise Jerry Springer.
resp:42 Paul, I think we've reached an agreement. <shakes his hand>
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