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Grex > Glb > #32: Coming Out Stories | |
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| Author |
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| 25 new of 254 responses total. |
gypsi
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response 229 of 254:
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Jun 19 08:40 UTC 1999 |
I'm seeing more purple triangles, too. It used to be I only saw pink.
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lumen
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response 230 of 254:
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Jun 19 13:09 UTC 1999 |
The bi necklace has a pink, a lavender, and a blue triangle. Those who are
familiar with these intersecting triangles in the bi pride symbol know the
significance-- blue for boys, pink for girls, and lavender where the twain
meet. All three colors have been in gay pride symbols, too, if I remember
right.
resp:229 Pink triangles have been the standard for many, many years for
the gay pride movement-- for both men and women. If I remember what a friend
said, lavender had just emerged as a neutral color-- or something like that.
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jazz
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response 231 of 254:
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Jun 19 15:34 UTC 1999 |
The symbols change between subcultures and regions too, to add to the
confusion - a collar in the gay leather scene doesn't necessarily mean the
same thing as a collar in the S&M leather scene, nor in Chicago the same as
in San Francisco. The meanings are similar - taken - but the specifics vary.
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bookworm
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response 232 of 254:
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Jun 19 21:11 UTC 1999 |
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lumen
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response 233 of 254:
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Jun 20 04:49 UTC 1999 |
ah.
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bookworm
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response 234 of 254:
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Jun 20 17:26 UTC 1999 |
Sorry, I'm trying to get up the courage to express what's happened to me.
No changes in whether or not I've tried to have a SS relationship. Jon and
I were talking about our personal difficulties and how hard it is to stick
with each other only when he wants to "be fulfilled as a bisexual" and wants
me to be able to understand where he's coming from. He keeps telling me that
he wouldn't mind. I guess the problem has been, no matter how much I felt
bisexual, I minded. Funny how that works out, huh? Anyway, I'd been trying
to reconcile myself to a life of, "I'm happy with my husband, but I like to
look at the girls" type of thing. Which gets frustrating because Jon doesn't
want to do that. He wants to seek out lovers as a husband and wife team.
Now---The way I was brought up, I was led to believe that this was not allowed
within a righteous marriage (when kids come that's a different story). That
the man and his wife clove to eachother and none else. It's hard to explain.
I never expected not to feel bisexual. I never expected to be "cured". What
I thought was, "I'll get married and then, if I just look, Jon will not be
unhappy because my appreciation of beauty will be a testament to my taste by
marrying him." I suppose this is a mistake.
Jon told me, I think it was Thursday night, that he felt that it was all right
for us to take SS lovers so long as we had the each other's permission. That
we went into it as a team. It was then that I more or less agreed with him.
At that point was when I felt freed. Iknew then that I really *wanted* to
have a SS experience. It was that realization that freed me. Now, I don't
know if I'll ever find a woman that I'd feel comfortable and safe with and
I have absolutely no clue as to how to go about looking, but, I think that
(laugh if you want) if it's meant to happen an opportunity will arise.
Until then these are the criteria I'm looking for.
*The person should have been recently tested for AIDS. That's not something
I want and not what I want to pass around.
*The person should be aware of the strength of the relationship between Jon
and I. IOW if they don't feel comfortable having Jon watch or participate
while I have my experience, then they are best off with someone else.
*The person should understand my connection with my religion. I only add this
because of difficulties expressed by Jonathan from his past.
Lastly
* The person should be someone I feel comfortable and safe with. I'm sure
you understand that.
That said, I thank you for listening. Any other suggestions?
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brighn
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response 235 of 254:
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Jun 20 19:44 UTC 1999 |
I'm sure you don't need to be told this, but I feel compelled to say it
anyway:
Communicate often. Communicate honestly. The poly road can be a dangerous and
painful one. It can also be an emotionally rewarding one, but it 's not always
worth the risk.
As for other suggestions: I myself avoid non-bisexuals, and strongly prefer
other pagans. I've had relationship with monosexuals and monogamists, and
those have always broken down because they couldn't get along with Valerie.
The relationships I've had with bisexual polys, otoh, break down for the more
traditional reasons of incompatibility. Having a relationship break down
because of your SO tends to put a strain on the relationship between you and
your SO... they feel gulty for getting in the way of your happiness, and you
resent having to choose. It's much easier to be dumped because of your own
problems then because of someone else.s. =} At least, that's been my
experience.
Your experience may vary.TM
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orinoco
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response 236 of 254:
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Jun 20 20:32 UTC 1999 |
Better make that "It's easier to be dumped because of your own problems
than because of someone else's existence".
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brighn
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response 237 of 254:
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Jun 22 02:34 UTC 1999 |
But see, that's wrong. It wasn't because of their existence, it was because
of incompatibilities.
Eh. But y'all knew what I meant anyhow. =}
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orinoco
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response 238 of 254:
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Jun 22 16:26 UTC 1999 |
Oh, I get it. Wrong "someone else". <wanders off looking sheepish>
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bookworm
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response 239 of 254:
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Jun 22 17:11 UTC 1999 |
It's okay, Danny.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to protect myself and the
sanctity of my relationship with Jon.
I also want the other woman to feel comfortable and safe with me. It's not
worth trying if neither of us feels good about it.
Also, I'm a bit iffy about stepping all the way out of the closet, yet. People
keep telling me to take the challenge. Step into the unknown. I'm just a
person who like things to be stable. I operate well under pressure but that
doesn't mean I have to like it.
resp:235 Thanks, Paul. I'll try to be careful. As I said, I'd rather not
hurt anyone. As for choosing between my husband and any other person, I'd
choose Jon every single time. Jon is my partner, my best friend, my lover, my
soulmate, my teacher, my student. He and I compliment eachother. Though I
can't claim that things have always been all sweetness and light, still I know
he loves me and that he wants me to be happy. No other person could hope to
compete. Not even another woman.
It's hard to describe.
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jazz
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response 240 of 254:
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Jun 24 15:24 UTC 1999 |
A lot of people seem to feel that if you're gay, or bisexual, then your
life should reflect their political agenda.
I recall when Ani DiFranco, who's currently in a hetereosexual
monogamous (at least I'm assuming so) relationship but is openly bisexual,
fell under flack from several women-with-a-y groups for writing an entire
album about a heterosexual relationship!
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bookworm
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response 241 of 254:
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Jun 24 18:39 UTC 1999 |
Jeez.
I'm a bisexual, but I have no political agendas. Unless you call
attempting to get people to pull their heads out of their asses
political.
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orinoco
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response 242 of 254:
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Jun 24 19:53 UTC 1999 |
Re#240: Heck, she got enough flack for openly associating with a straight man,
much less writing about it.
(It would be interesting to be dating someone as confessional as Ani DiFranco
on a serious basis. The idea of being one of the men in one of her Angry
Songs is one of the scarier prospects I could think of...)
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jazz
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response 243 of 254:
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Jun 25 13:43 UTC 1999 |
Well, she married the guy that most of Dilate was written about
(including Shameless, which would seem to be about a gay relationship but
according to Ani, was only using the term "another man's wife"
metaphorically), even though he's still referred to as Goat Boy.
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dpawley
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response 244 of 254:
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Jun 26 22:04 UTC 1999 |
Well, all I can say is that if there IS a gay agenda, I wish to God somebody
would inform me...I guess I wasn't there when the Gay Council passed out all
the copies.
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gypsi
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response 245 of 254:
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Jun 27 01:37 UTC 1999 |
You can borrow my checklist. I get my toaster oven with two more recruits.
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brown
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response 246 of 254:
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Jun 27 03:15 UTC 1999 |
damn sarah yer WAY ahead of me.
interesting though the "new recruits" at the saddle are re-upping the
homo-percentage find it oddly amusing
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jazz
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response 247 of 254:
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Jun 27 12:36 UTC 1999 |
See, now if you were gay instead of bi, Sarah, you'd get a toaster with
every recruit.
I know what you're saying in #244, Dale, about the so-called "gay
agenda" - but being fair, there is really a bit of pressure according to my
Lesbian friends from their circle of Lesbian friends to fall into line with
that group's sexual politics. Occasionally it gets bad enough that there's
prejudice not to have male children!
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dpawley
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response 248 of 254:
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Jun 27 15:26 UTC 1999 |
A toaster? I'm still working on getting the commemorative t-shirt!
Actually, I've been pretty fortunate to find a group of friends who are pretty
down-to-earth and who are as put-off as I am about the whole idea of "sexual
politics". Sort of a "live and let live" philosophy of human sexuality. Not
that we don't have our activistic tendencies...we're still planning on getting
a group together to go bomb the southern baptist convention...but pretty much,
we kinda feel like, "hey, if you don't try to tell us we're going to hell for
loving 'the wrong people', we'll get along just fine."
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omni
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response 249 of 254:
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Jun 27 17:51 UTC 1999 |
I've nevr understood the radical l lesbian aganda. Don't these people
realize that although they reject the male of the species, he is still needed
to produce the sperm to produce more babies, and who couldn't love a little
baby even if his only "mistake" in life was to be born with a penis?
Me, I love everyone. Doesn't matter your politics, or what you have between
your legs. If you are a decent human being, and you breathe air, chances are
I'm gonna like you.
I never knew there was a gay, bisexual, lesbian agenda except to get SS
marraiges recognized by the states, and equal rights for life partners. Maybe
there is more than meets the eye.
I'd like the cappuncino maker and matching mugs ;)
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brown
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response 250 of 254:
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Jun 27 19:51 UTC 1999 |
hell if i was back in esky I'd have the entire dinnerware set already ;)
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lumen
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response 251 of 254:
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Jun 27 23:09 UTC 1999 |
hopefully, things will turn out for the best. it's still hard going
trying to convince hets that we experience the same kinds of things they
do, and that they have counterparts for all the stereotypes they make
about us.
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gayz
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response 252 of 254:
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Aug 19 10:41 UTC 2000 |
yes why not !
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luciano
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response 253 of 254:
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Jun 21 17:58 UTC 2004 |
>Coming out.......half way
>
>Well I knew i was bi for sure not long after id got to uni. I often used to
>fantasise about the guys at school who i thought were hot but when i got to
>uni i found myself doing it a lot more. Also when i started uni I became
mates
>with someone who was open minded and i knew i could talk to about my sexual
>orientation if i wanted to. As it happens i didnt tell hiim first. I first
>told one of my female friends when i was neither drunk nor sober, im not sure
>how i told her, i just came out with it.
>
>Then i met some guy who was on the same course as me, sometimes when we were
>drunk i used to look at him and smile in a way that was subtley flirtatious
>and hopefully not compromise my being in-the-closet if he wasnt into guys.
He used look back in a same and quite positive manner. He ended up goin out
with one of my female friends and was with her for maybe a month and a half.
After splitting with her, a couple of weeks later i ended up kissing him
briefly in a club one night, not a gay club, just a club i was in with my
other mates wen they weren't around at that moment. I also kissed him at the
bar when my mates were around and we jst acted like it was one of them dare
type things u do wen ur drunk. My mates nvr thought any more of it, they jst
laughed it off. Really me and him knew it was more that just a joke and left
early, and after kissing quite passionately in an alley way went back to his,
i was feeling nervous all the way there.
He told me i could back out at any time and i did, mainly because i didnt
feel i could sleep with him when he was the ex of one of my friends
(sleeping with your mate's ex jst isnt something u do). I sat on the edge of
my bed for 5 minutes jst thinking about what had happened and then decided
to jst go for it; i went back to his (which wasnt far away) and slept with
him. The next day i didnt regret it but told him i think we should stay
friends and not let it happen again, but it did happen again and although i
enjoyed it i felt guilty for a long time after.
Ovr time i ended up telling a couple more female friends that i was bi and
also the guy i was sharing a uni halls flat with, they wer all cool about it.
The person who i first told about my being bi found out about this guy id
slept with being gay and i told her about what had happened between me and
him. Then one night in a club he decided he should tel his ex about him being
gay, accidentaly she oveheard him talking to my mate about it and wasnt best
pleased that she knew before her.I think it was then he who told his ex about
sleeping with me and for that night i think she was close to wanting to kill
me. My friend told me that as a result of her finding out 2 other people found
out aswel, and then they told a third. 2 of those guys never actualy mentioned
it to me and so im guessing theyr ok about it. The third did mention it to
me cos he thought i should know that he knows and he told me that it was all
"cool and i was too good a friend to fuck off" as a result of what happened.
Well 2 days after that guys ex found out about me and him she gave me a hug
and told me she wasnt mad at me. I was quite surprised,having spent a day
chain smoking and worrying about how i was evr going to look her in the face
again. I still feel guilty sometimes but im glad she knows about what happened
cos i was close to telling her myself cos i couldnt handle the guilt.
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