response 224 of 254:

Mar 18 14:36 UTC 1999

        The n!/n factorial rule only applies to secure IP tunnels. :)

        I'd say that behaviorology and psychology has a lot more to do with
the success and failure of *any* relationship than math. :)

response 226 of 254:

Jun 18 19:05 UTC 1999

I've been becoming more and more public, because although I'm reserved, I have
a rather 'I have nothing to hide' perspective these days.  Besides, I'm tired
of pussyfooting around it and I figure it's time to be more open.

I think you'll remember the incident I shared about coming out to my Students
With Exceptionalities class.  It felt like talking to a wall.  My teacher
wasn't terribly responsive-- I was having a difficult time tying it to
teaching, since it was a serendipity assignment.  The class was even more
apathetic, except for a very intellectual man whom everyone thought talked
too much and unabashedly wore Native-American-style jewelry and had danced
ballet for a while.  (He said he didn't care what anyone thought anymore since
he was older-- 40-- and he was beyond that).

I found that here people think of declarations of sexuality in about the same
category as declaring your favorite food.  We mentioned in Agora about our
experience of visiting the Common Language bookstore.

We picked up two buttons that said, "Nobody *believes* I'm bisexual."  We
consider that amusing since we attend a university in a cow town.  The Women's
Resource center is really the only main front for GALA; our events rarely
permeate public consciousness.  It's almost like our meetings are underground.
People whine about lack of sociality, lack of tolerance in the community, and
worry obsessively about offending others.  So aside from GALA, Julie and I
are relatively invisible.  Of course, bisexuals on the whole are invisible
to the group, especially if they're dating opposite sex partners, or married.
We make a point that we are an obvious difference.  I know of another bisexual
MOTOS couple-- I've seen them around at the film festivals, but then, the fact
they're musicians is another thing.  The glb community in the Music dept. is
fairly low-profile since they're so busy.

But I digress.  I also picked up a leather pride flag magnet for our
refrigerator, and a bi pride necklace-- another rare thing.  (Another one of
my beliefs is that bisexuals need to form a more distinctive identity-- I
didn't identify with the Coalition too well for a while).  Most people wear
the rainbow freedom rings.  Anyway, it was funny talking with the lady working
at the register-- she asked if I knew what the flag meant.  I said I did--
I just left my leathers at home.  She explained a lot of customers didn't,
and they'd come back upset once they learned what it really was :)  She added
a lot of people didn't know what the one with the bear was either-- they
thought it was neat or cute or something.  Technically being a bear myself--
big and hairy, I said I understood.  I said I figured teddy bears in leather
got a lot of people (heh heh).  (Actually, a friend of mine who claims to have
been a butch on the leather scene years ago says I'm just a cubbie.  I still
find it weird, hearing this from an effeminate-sounding obese older man, but
I guess things can radically change.)

I have yet to be in some big event, but I do find myself surprised at freely
admitting my sexuality in some of my classes.  I took Children's Literature
last quarter, and when we talked about censorship, I mentioned the fact that
wonderful kids' books on families with homosexual parents and relatives are
banned and *not* allowed in the classroom.  Teachers and librarians to
children of such families have to go to great lengths to get these books to
them.

But the transition has been interesting.

response 228 of 254:

Jun 19 03:05 UTC 1999

ah, but my point was the rainbow necklace is beginning to become a little more
common-- almost fashionable.  There is a leather pride variation as well as
a bi one, but you rarely see them.

response 230 of 254:

Jun 19 13:09 UTC 1999

The bi necklace has a pink, a lavender, and a blue triangle.  Those who are
familiar with these intersecting triangles in the bi pride symbol know the
significance-- blue for boys, pink for girls, and lavender where the twain
meet.  All three colors have been in gay pride symbols, too, if I remember
right.

resp:229  Pink triangles have been the standard for many, many years for
the gay pride movement-- for both men and women.  If I remember what a friend
said, lavender had just emerged as a neutral color-- or something like that.

response 234 of 254:

Jun 20 17:26 UTC 1999

Sorry, I'm trying to get up the courage to express what's happened to me. 
No changes in whether or not I've tried to have a SS relationship.  Jon and
I were talking about our personal difficulties and how hard it is to stick
with each other only when he wants to "be fulfilled as a bisexual" and wants
me to be able to understand where he's coming from.  He keeps telling me that
he wouldn't mind.  I guess the problem has been, no matter how much I felt
bisexual, I minded.  Funny how that works out, huh?  Anyway, I'd been trying
to reconcile myself to a life of, "I'm happy with my husband, but I like to
look at the girls" type of thing.  Which gets frustrating because Jon doesn't
want to do that.  He wants to seek out lovers as a husband and wife team. 
Now---The way I was brought up, I was led to believe that this was not allowed
within a righteous marriage (when kids come that's a different story).  That
the man and his wife clove to eachother and none else. It's hard to explain.
I never expected not to feel bisexual.  I never expected to be "cured".  What
I thought was, "I'll get married and then, if I just look, Jon will not be
unhappy because my appreciation of beauty will be a testament to my taste by
marrying him."  I suppose this is a mistake.

Jon told me, I think it was Thursday night, that he felt that it was all right
for us to take SS lovers so long as we had the each other's permission.  That
we went into it as a team.  It was then that I more or less agreed with him.
At that point was when I felt freed.  Iknew then that I really *wanted* to
have a SS experience.  It was that realization that freed me.  Now, I don't
know if I'll ever find a woman that I'd feel comfortable and safe with and
I have absolutely no clue as to how to go about looking, but, I think that
(laugh if you want) if it's meant to happen an opportunity will arise.  

Until then these are the criteria I'm looking for.

*The person should have been recently tested for AIDS.  That's not something
I want and not what I want to pass around.

*The person should be aware of the strength of the relationship between Jon
and I.  IOW if they don't feel comfortable having Jon watch or participate
while I have my experience, then they are best off with someone else.

*The person should understand my connection with my religion.  I only add this
because of difficulties expressed by Jonathan from his past.

Lastly
* The person should be someone I feel comfortable and safe with.  I'm sure
you understand that.  

That said, I thank you for listening.  Any other suggestions?

response 236 of 254:

Jun 20 20:32 UTC 1999

Better make that "It's easier to be dumped because of your own problems
than because of someone else's existence". 

response 238 of 254:

Jun 22 16:26 UTC 1999

Oh, I get it.  Wrong "someone else". <wanders off looking sheepish>

response 240 of 254:

Jun 24 15:24 UTC 1999

        A lot of people seem to feel that if you're gay, or bisexual, then your
life should reflect their political agenda.

        I recall when Ani DiFranco, who's currently in a hetereosexual
monogamous (at least I'm assuming so) relationship but is openly bisexual,
fell under flack from several women-with-a-y groups for writing an entire
album about a heterosexual relationship!

response 242 of 254:

Jun 24 19:53 UTC 1999

Re#240: Heck, she got enough flack for openly associating with a straight man,
much less writing about it.

(It would be interesting to be dating someone as confessional as Ani DiFranco
on a serious basis.  The idea of being one of the men in one of her Angry
Songs is one of the scarier prospects I could think of...)

response 244 of 254:

Jun 26 22:04 UTC 1999

Well, all I can say is that if there IS a gay agenda, I wish to God somebody
would inform me...I guess I wasn't there when the Gay Council passed out all
the copies.

response 246 of 254:

Jun 27 03:15 UTC 1999

damn sarah yer WAY ahead of me.
interesting though the "new recruits" at the saddle are re-upping the
homo-percentage find it oddly amusing

response 248 of 254:

Jun 27 15:26 UTC 1999

A toaster?  I'm still working on getting the commemorative t-shirt!

Actually, I've been pretty fortunate to find a group of friends who are pretty
down-to-earth and who are as put-off as I am about the whole idea of "sexual
politics".  Sort of a "live and let live" philosophy of human sexuality.  Not
that we don't have our activistic tendencies...we're still planning on getting
a group together to go bomb the southern baptist convention...but pretty much,
we kinda feel like, "hey, if you don't try to tell us we're going to hell for
loving 'the wrong people', we'll get along just fine."