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| Author |
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| 25 new of 155 responses total. |
i
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response 108 of 155:
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Dec 14 03:44 UTC 2001 |
In my mind, "courting" is socially archaic in modern America. It's more
like quite prim & proper flirting in a world of chaperones, arranged
marriages, fairly strong sex segregation, etc.
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flem
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response 109 of 155:
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Dec 14 21:05 UTC 2001 |
Heh. I once got great results from that word. :)
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jaklumen
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response 110 of 155:
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Dec 20 10:07 UTC 2001 |
resp:108 Yes, that could be one definition.
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vidar
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response 111 of 155:
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Jan 6 00:24 UTC 2002 |
My main reason for not simply using "Do you want to go on a date?" is
because if they agree, the next question will be "what do you want to
do?"
By specifying an activity, you share one of your interests with the
other person.
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michaela
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response 112 of 155:
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Jan 7 16:05 UTC 2002 |
Exactly, and it shows you are capable of decisions and planning.
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kewy
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response 113 of 155:
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Jan 7 23:36 UTC 2002 |
re 111
So you are saying that you don't want to share any of your interests with
someone that you may potentially date?
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vidar
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response 114 of 155:
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Jan 8 22:20 UTC 2002 |
Read it again kewy.
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kewy
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response 115 of 155:
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Jan 9 15:39 UTC 2002 |
I read it again, and again, and again.
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jazz
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response 116 of 155:
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Jan 9 19:42 UTC 2002 |
Ignore what people say about dating, and watch what they actually do.
Most people don't seem to be conscious of what they're doing, if they're doing
anything at all, and if you ask them they'll give you a confusing piece of
what they're willing to admit of what they're conscious of, which often
completely contradicts the way that they're behaving.
If you watch what they're actually doing, then it suddenly becomes very
consistent, and very easy to understand, as long as you're willing to throw
out a lot of pre-concieved notions about how people date.
Going to a dance club is fine, if you're looking for the kind of person
who goes to dance clubs to look for partners. Odds are they're more sexually
active, so sex is likely to come earlier rather than later and not necessarily
be an indication they want a relationship. Drug use is likely to be higher
too. And there's always that "relationships that start in bars, end in bars"
saw. But a good number of people in such places really are looking. Well,
looking to be flirted with and get their mojo on, anyways. If you're willing
to deal with that and to not place too much expectation on whether or not
they're actually seriously looking and move on, then you can find some very
good people.
Something like a coffeeshop is more to my taste; you really get a
chance to find out what someone's like when they open their mouth and actually
speak. But make sure that you're actually awake and witty when you go there,
if that's your mission.
As to strategies, what works, Nike had the right idea. Just ask. If
someone's not interested, they'll let you know. If you don't ask, assume that
it ain't going to happen. There are exceptions, but they're pretty few and
far between. If you can't ask, or can't carry off flirting with someone well
or figuring out a good thing to ask someone to join you in doing
spontaneously, find someone who can, and learn how to do it by watching them.
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senna
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response 117 of 155:
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Jan 9 20:36 UTC 2002 |
Ignore what people say about dating, and watch what they actually do.
Most people don't seem to be conscious of what they're doing, if they're
doing
anything at all, and if you ask them they'll give you a confusing piece of
what they're willing to admit of what they're conscious of, which often
That's actually a useful strategy most everywhere in life, particularly when
involving recurring topics that are essentially public record.
Sorry about the formatting.
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orinoco
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response 118 of 155:
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Jan 10 02:03 UTC 2002 |
I am ignoring what you say about formatting, senna, and watching what you
actually do.
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flem
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response 119 of 155:
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Jan 10 16:13 UTC 2002 |
Tangentially related: Do people actually meet other people at coffeeshops?
As an Ann-Arborite born and bred, I've spent my share of time in coffeeshops,
and don't think I"ve ever met anyone new that way. People just don't seem
to talk to strangers in coffeeshops. Or, at least, not when I'm around.
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senna
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response 120 of 155:
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Jan 10 20:59 UTC 2002 |
I don't know. I haven't really met anyone there that I wasn't already going
to meet, but I'm not that outgoing of a guy. The difficulty is finding
contexts where the intentions are the same.
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phenix
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response 121 of 155:
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Jan 10 21:40 UTC 2002 |
yha, finding anyone worth talking to if you'r enot some sore of
cafe pimp daddy (see: jester and other NAC crew)
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orinoco
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response 122 of 155:
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Jan 10 22:00 UTC 2002 |
No, please don't.
I think senna hit the nail on the head. Even if I _did_ regularly strike up
coffee-shop conversations with strangers, and even if they were well-recieved,
I doubt I'd get any dates out of it. Nobody goes to coffeeshops to cruise,
so cruising at a coffeeshop isn't worthwhile, which is why nobody does it.
Vicious cycle.
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michaela
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response 123 of 155:
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Jan 10 22:58 UTC 2002 |
Sometimes I'll spot someone reading an interesting book, and I'll comment on
it, but my intentions aren't to "cruise".
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jaklumen
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response 124 of 155:
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Jan 11 06:20 UTC 2002 |
Cafes and coffee shops never appeared to be like that to me, either.
*however* I suppose it would depend on the place. I used to go to a
place called Pangea in Walla Walla when I attended Whitman. People
did all sorts of things there. It was generally blaring music, so not
many people were reading. Some would play board games. Then there
was the drum jam night-- bring your own drum or use one of the house
perc's.
I had fun at one of those jams and I guess someone noticed I was quite
confidently doing so because she came up and said so, in an admiring,
perhaps flirty way. Mind you, the opportunity wasn't at the place
itself, but-- you never know.
I suppose, then, it could be worth it to invest time in places that
sponsor open mic nights for music, poetry, etc. and you might get a
few fans that will ask you to sing a little "Amore." ;)
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jazz
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response 125 of 155:
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Jan 11 19:12 UTC 2002 |
Re: #119
Yes, they do, but ironically, Ann Arbor is a horrible place to do it.
The further out you go, the more willing people are to start conversations
with strangers, or invite people they don't know all that well to do things
with them. Ypsilanti and Saline both have thriving coffeeshop communities,
and it's the same way further downriver.
Re: #122
Nobody goes to coffeeshops to cruise - my point exactly. There are
a lot of really wonderful people out there who *never* go to a place with the
intention of trying to pick someone up, and they're generally saner and more
desirable as a rule. If nothing else you know that they're not serial
monogamists who find it easier to pick someone new up than to maintain their
existing relationships.
It's a completely different ballgame, meeting, spending time with, and
occasionally dating people who aren't actively looking. You have to have a
different attitude about things - you have to be looking for a good time out
first, and a date second - but you get a good chance to get to know someone,
and to see how they interact with people around them, and that's proved very
valuable to me.
All things considered, I have probably a dozen close friends whom I've
met through coffeeshops, and at least three times that number of casual
acquaintances, and at least three long-term relationships have come out of
that, not counting the one I met at a coffeeshop at a GREX-sponsored event.
;)
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lelande
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response 126 of 155:
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Jan 11 19:39 UTC 2002 |
i'm glad to hear it gets better out of ann arbor. i greet this principle on
faith because i've been stuck in this swamp for too long.
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jazz
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response 127 of 155:
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Jan 11 20:28 UTC 2002 |
"Just too many goddamned HIVs."
"HIVS?"
"Yeah, Hippies In Volvos."
"Quarterbacks, you mean?"
"Wuarterbacks?"
"Yeah, they fake left and go right ..."
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jaklumen
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response 128 of 155:
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Jan 12 05:56 UTC 2002 |
resp:125 right-- you go to have a good time, first.. get a feel for
the scene. Personally, I would think that's a better way to go.
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polytarp
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response 129 of 155:
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Jan 24 00:54 UTC 2003 |
RE 126; year later, and leland is running round the country no-one knows
where.
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oval
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response 130 of 155:
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Apr 21 14:34 UTC 2003 |
leland has disappeared?
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mynxcat
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response 131 of 155:
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Apr 21 14:54 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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oval
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response 132 of 155:
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Apr 21 15:20 UTC 2003 |
ya i see now he was logged on the 5th last ..
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