Review and Discussion of the book "Fat, Broke & Lonely No More!"

Jul 21 21:32 UTC 2007

There's a book that just came out in May [2007] that I came across while
browsing at  Nicola's earlier in the week; It's called "Fat, Broke &
Lonely No More!  Your Personal  Solution to Overeating, Overspending,
and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places" by  Victoria Moran.  And
it looked pretty interesting.  It seems to be a common enough theme  for
many women [hence the item here in the women's conference], though
apparently its  somewhat common for the guys as well.

From the inside cover: "Do you ever obsess about whether to order
dessert, buy those  pricey sandals, or be totally honest on a third
date?  If so, then you are already  acquainted with the fear of being
fat, broke & lonely.  If only we could eat less, get paid  better, and
be more outgoing.  Only its not that simple> Our endless quest to be
fit, flush,  and partnered [no matter where we fall on the scale]
inevitabley makes us feel fat, broke  & lonely.  The symptoms are
anxiety, shame, and fear, and the diagnosis is feeling  miserable about
ourselves.  We have two choices: give up, convinced that this is just a 
lifelong, losing battle, or go toe-to-toe with our negative self-image
and take back our  lives.  Real life anecdotes, practical strategies,
and a touch of sass make this  revolutionary five-step plan a must-read.
 First, Moran helps us discover the root of the  symptoms. Then we learn
how to break up with fat, broke & lonely for good. And finally,  we
learn how to hook up with the life of our dreams--and who doesn't want
that?"

I haven't gone into a whole lot of depth in this book [as yet] so I
don't know if/how  idealistic/difficult/easy these ideas are that the
author speaks about.  But I'm sure its  something that can get me
thinking...

response 2 of 44:

Jul 21 23:57 UTC 2007

Ah, here you are!  

What does the author think is the reason we get into this condition in
the first place!

response 4 of 44:

Jul 22 09:56 UTC 2007

Re: Fat. 

Well, since I *am* fat, I pretty much always feel fat. What I have 
learned is that being fat is probably outside of my control. Or 
rather, what it would take for me to be not fat is more than I can do 
and still be sane and happy. I have also learned that doesnt mean that 
I am a bad person. Being fat also doesnt mean that I necessarily have 
to be terribly unhealthy. So I changed my goal away from losing weight 
and have made new goals that are more attainable. e.g. walking several 
times a week is a goal. Making sure I eat enough fruits and veggies is 
a goal. Reducing my sugar intake is a goal. Those are all good things 
but are not things that cause me to lose a significant amount of 
weight.

I have put a lot of focus on not internalizing the messages our 
culture has about fat, especially those messages that arent based in 
fact. For instance, it isnt laziness on my part that keeps me fat. It 
isnt a complete lack of willpower that keeps me fat. It is a constant 
battle though because our culture tends to shame people for being fat. 
A lot of people consider it a moral failing. 

Basically my solution to feeling fat has been to change my outlook on 
what fat means. It doesnt mean I am unhealthy although since it is a 
risk factor for certain things, it does mean that I need to monitor my 
health more closely than others might need to. It doesnt mean that I 
am a bad person. It doesnt mean that I am ugly. It just means that I 
have a body shape that is different than most people's. 

response 6 of 44:

Jul 22 10:23 UTC 2007

Re: Lonely. 

I guess there are different types of loneliness. 

There is what I consider real lonliness where one finds oneself cut 
off from the rest of the world. Sometimes in the winter I experience 
this because I tend to get depressed in the winter. It is a vicious 
cycle. I get depressed enough that just going to work sucks up most of 
my energy so I dont make an effort to socialize. Then the lack of 
social interaction means that I start to feel lonely, which makes me 
more depressed, which in turn, makes me even less likely to do social 
things. I often have to make a real effort to socialize even if it is 
only talking to someone on the phone for a half hour. 

Being social and making the emotional connections that prevent 
loneliness are hard work. But important work. When I feel lonely, I 
call people and make an effort to see them. I tell people I love them. 
I hug my friends. 

There is also the loneliness of being single. Some of that, though, 
isnt real loneliness on my part, but rather a response to cultural 
expectations that people, and especially women, be partnered up. 
Mostly, I have decided that I am going to be single for the rest of my 
life and I have come to terms with that. I honestly believe that it is 
better to be single than to be with the wrong person. If the right 
person should happen to come along, that is great. 

Being single and feeling that particular kind of loneliness is still 
hard though. I dont meet very many men that I am interested in but 
when I do, they have (so far) pretty much always rejected me at some 
point or another. Well, all the men have rejected me except for the 
ones I rejected first! haha. Seriously though, that is a mind set I 
fall into occasionally. I will think, "Every man in the world has 
rejected me" but really that isnt true because there have been men who 
havent but whom I felt were lacking in one way or another so I 
actually was the one who rejected them. I guess it is easier to forget 
the people one rejects as romantic partners than the other ones. And 
ok, while I am not beating my many suiters off with a stick (although 
I did recently have a guy camped out on my front lawn), I do have some 
men who are interested. It just hasnt been anyone in whom I am also 
interested.