"doing it again" by toking

Feb 16 17:48 UTC 1999

"doing it again"

ok so I've done it again 
and I'll do it again
and god help me,
I'm doing it again
but it's not the same anymore
it's not rehashing
not rehersing 
not performing 
to that same old script
this is something new
even if I am doing it again
this is cleansing
burning
scaring
carving it away
layer by bitter layer
skin by bloated skin
but I'm so thick
and I just don't see the peeling 
coming to an end
so I keep rubbing
I keep scratching
and god help me,
I'm doing it again
picking at tender flesh 
until the blisters pop
and the skin is just so sore
and I've rubbed it all raw again
and whatever I touch
is made of salt or tobasco
and I can't help but take it to my heart
and hold it tight 
until it runs away
in yellowed red 
and rivulets of long forgotten fears
god help me,
I know that this will end,
but I'm doing it again

response 2 of 6:

Feb 17 19:54 UTC 1999

thanks :)

(linked to the new poetry conf)

response 4 of 6:

Feb 18 16:48 UTC 1999

when I write I'm genrally just trying to get something out of my head,
I'm not necessarily "trying" to give off some sort of effect, just an
impression. When i wrote this I'd been going over the same stupid little
thing in my head for a couple days, and it was like that sceen in
Hellraiser 2 when the crazy guy is let out of his straight jacket and he
starts hacking at his arms t try and get the maggots away, that's kinda
how I felt about gtting this silly little idea out of my head, I just
hept picking at it and pickiung at it and all it did was make it worse
so I"d try and stop but then when I wasn't paying any attention I"d
catch myself thinking about it again (rubbing and scratching and
cutting, but it wasn't doing any good, `cause the maggots are still
there and I'd have to rub harder and scratch fiercer and cut deeper,
`cause you can feel `em eating you away from the inside out and the
outside in all at once)

anyway...