flem
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response 3 of 26:
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Sep 4 18:39 UTC 2003 |
I'm not sure where the hell tod gets off either in saying things like this
in the first place or in posting them to a public forum, but, just in case
it might do some good for someone somewhere:
Most men orgasm more easily than most women, especially young men.
This doesn't mean you're abnormal or defective, it just means you need
practice. If you're already at that stage of intimacy with your
girlfriend/wife/whatever, chances are excellent that she'll be
understanding enough to help. She won't laugh at you; if anything
she'll be touched that you want to help make her happier. (If she
isn't willing to help or if she does make fun of you, you may wish to
reconsider your association with her.)
There are lots of things that you can do, by yourself and with a
partner, that can help. The best way to improve your control and
performance is simply practice. Pay attention to your body and to how
it feels. Learn how it feels when you're close to orgasm. Learn to
recognize the point where it's no longer possible for you to prevent
orgasm. I once heard it described as a one to ten scale of arousal.
If 10 is orgasm, then you'll find that there's a point around, say, 8
where you just can't stop yourself anymore from reaching 10. Using that
analogy, figure out what 7 feels like, so that if you want, you can stop
for a minute and retreat to a comfortable 5 or 6. To do this, you may
have to stop, or pull out, or look away, or think about baseball, or
whatever. Figure out what works for you. Pay attention. With practice
(and this will take time, be patient) you'll find that you can maintain
a comfortable 6 or 7 for as long as you feel like it.
If you've ever visited Lover's Lane or Deja Vu or the Safe Sex Store
or whatever your local equivalent is, you'll no doubt have seen all
kinds of creams and lubricants that are supposed to improve your
performance or give you staying power or whatever. Avoid these; I'll
explain why. There are two kinds. One kind contains a topical
anesthetic, which will basically make your penis numb. This is a Bad
Thing: the whole point of sex is to feel good, so why make it so you
can't feel anything? That's just dumb. The other kind is just a
complete rip-off, with no active ingredients whatsoever. I've actually
seen them advertise "Pure Placebo Potency". These won't help you; don't
give them your money.
Another thing to think about it what kind of condom you're using.
If you're having trouble controlling your orgasm, you might
consider using a condom, at least temporarily, even if you're using
other forms of birth control and have been tested for STDs. (I
shouldn't need to say it, but if you aren't using birth control you damn
well better be prepared for the consequences, and there's no reason
whatsoever not to be tested for STDs.) Many kinds of condoms are designed to
provide extra stimulation and can make it harder to control yourself.
Avoid "Ultra Thin" and so forth. Shop around and figure out what works
for you. If you're desperate, Trojan makes a condom called "Extended
Pleasure" that contains a mild topical anesthetic. Again, this won't
really help you in the long run, but it might help you deal with a bad
day or give your girlfriend a treat or whatever.
Of course, if your girlfriend is helping you with this, you should
reward her efforts. Make sure she enjoys it; that's the whole point
after all. Go down on her, use your hands, use a toy, whatever feels
good to both of you. Ask her what feels good, and *listen* to what she
says.
Look around on the web. Search for "premature ejaculation", and
you'll find a lot more on the subject. You'll be glad you did.
Finally, remember that most men have these kinds of problems. You're
not inadequate, or defective or whatever. You just need practice.
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