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| Author |
Message |
groady
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A poem: The Road
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Jul 18 03:51 UTC 1997 |
The Road
The road is dark, and the road is long;
You can't even whistle a pleasant song.
The road is twisting and turning uphill;
You don't think you'll make it, you don't have the will.
You must follow the road and find another to take,
But you're lost in your darkness; the road signs are blank.
What's that in the distance, shining like a light?
It's a ray of hope, cutting through the night.
In the bright light stands a friend,
Standing where the road may bend.
They shine and smile and point the way,
Then follow behind till night turns to day.
But then you find your friend lagging behind,
Sulking and drooping and teary-eyed.
You step into the light and show them the way,
Give a pat on the back and smile away.
Such is the cycle friends will follow
On the road of life we all must follow.
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| 20 responses total. |
abchan
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response 1 of 20:
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Jul 22 16:25 UTC 1997 |
Strong images and life-like quality.
If you're intent is to make everything rhyme, you may want to check the last
two lines of the first verse though.
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jenna
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response 2 of 20:
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Jul 24 18:47 UTC 1997 |
this item has been linked to poetry
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freedom
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response 3 of 20:
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Jul 24 20:06 UTC 1997 |
hmm, this is cute..
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arianna
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response 4 of 20:
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Jul 25 17:23 UTC 1997 |
nice to see that rhyming poetry hasn't become completely extinct.
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freedom
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response 5 of 20:
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Jul 26 23:07 UTC 1997 |
I've been working on rhyming poetry myself latley, just haven't posted
anything
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groady
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response 6 of 20:
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Jul 27 00:14 UTC 1997 |
Well, I try to make most of my poems rhyme...But I usually end up having a
line or two that doesn't, but it's my style, that's how I like it...I prefer
rhyming poetry myself actually...
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jenna
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response 7 of 20:
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Jul 27 04:16 UTC 1997 |
I used to try and make poems ryhme. I gave up,
except for one little section of "Tarantelle Duende"
that I'm proud of... ;}
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arianna
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response 8 of 20:
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Jul 27 22:43 UTC 1997 |
I like that part; it reads almost like you just collapsed into rhyme. (;
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groady
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response 9 of 20:
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Jul 28 21:13 UTC 1997 |
Is that posted on here? I'd like to read it if it is...
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arianna
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response 10 of 20:
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Jul 30 04:24 UTC 1997 |
item 447.
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jenna
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response 11 of 20:
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Jul 30 19:09 UTC 1997 |
thank you arianna ;}
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arianna
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response 12 of 20:
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Jul 31 05:13 UTC 1997 |
<tips her hat to the lady fw with a half-grin>
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toking
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response 13 of 20:
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Aug 18 11:52 UTC 1997 |
<This item has been linked from oldpoerty #987>
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orinoco
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response 14 of 20:
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Aug 20 02:27 UTC 1997 |
I don't know, the half-rhymes and non-rhymes don't bother me as much as the
repeated "way/away" and "follow/follow" of the last stanza.
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esmerlda
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response 15 of 20:
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Aug 20 15:24 UTC 1997 |
neato kean... very communicative... it made sense to me and it appealed to
my senses and emotions...i feel like a bookreviewer ... but i really like
it...
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gila
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response 16 of 20:
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Feb 19 17:48 UTC 1998 |
Add me to the list of people who's really glad to see another rhymester...
I hate most free verse, unless it's blazingly spectacular and conscious of
its rhythm, which a lot of free-verse poets don't know how to make it do. I
liked this poem, but thought it could stand to watch out for the cliches a
bit, especially cliche rhymes (light/night) used in conventional ways.
BTW, a general caution: I'm generally considered a very tough critic. Unless
asked, if I don't have anything nice to say I won't say anything at all, but
I'm hardly ever going to give unqualified approval to anything. If I'm too
blunt, someone tell me for Chrissakes to shut up.
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arianna
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response 17 of 20:
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Feb 19 19:33 UTC 1998 |
No worries, there; that's Joe's and my job, to tell you when you're out of
line. (We'll do so if neccessary... just ask Brighn. d= )
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lumen
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response 18 of 20:
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Feb 20 00:07 UTC 1998 |
Ouch. I don't do rhyme well, so you won't like much of my poetry. Besides--
I look at the fine arts less scientifically. I don't craft a work so often
as I express it. The fact that I have expressed myself is often satisfaction
enough-- not necessarily that it is aesthetically appealing.
*sigh* Here I go again, into the fire..
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sjones
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response 19 of 20:
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Jan 20 17:58 UTC 1999 |
soft critics don't really help anyone, do they?
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arianna
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response 20 of 20:
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Feb 20 23:37 UTC 1999 |
Most people have forgotten that criticism should be constructive or it becomes
purposeless; browbeating someone for what you would consider an inability to
write is about as constructive as trying to use a very dull knife to cut
cinderblock.
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