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| Author |
Message |
insanity
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HIDE
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Apr 25 13:53 UTC 1995 |
Help me learn how to be strong.
I wonder how I ever got to be so weak.
I don't know who I am, or who I belong to anymore.
There is nothing on which I can feed.
I am starving for attention.
A kind word or phrase.
I shake my head as if to rattle all the lose thoughts, setting them free.
I am no longer defined by you,
As I once tried to confine myself to you.
So now I'm me.
Whoever she turns out to be.
Whoever...
But I need a break from all this thinking.
It just takes me in circles.
I don't know what to do with the love I have for you.
I don't know why things go wrong.
Hate and Love so closely bound in me
You have to see that.
So now I'll fly across the country.
Find a quiet place to hide
Weeping till there are no more tears left in me to cry.
But I can't keep from shuddering,
thinking of the things I use to be.
And all the things that I allowed to happen to me.
It's a shame, that's all I know.
It's all been a bitter shame.
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| 17 responses total. |
insanity
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response 1 of 17:
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Apr 25 13:55 UTC 1995 |
too choppy sorry!
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kami
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response 2 of 17:
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Apr 25 18:35 UTC 1995 |
so fix it- it definitely has the potential to be stronger as a poem than
the moment that inspired it.
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fraizer
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response 3 of 17:
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Apr 26 19:37 UTC 1995 |
FIX WHAT!?!? This is great. The line structure could be said to be
choppy, but I see it as confused and frustrated. Perhaps the way the
author felt when writing it.
Brenna, this poem feels really real. I believe it. I love the emotion
My suggestion is don't change a thing.
It carries the reality of the moment. The moment you wrote it.
That's hard to capture, but you succeeded wonderfully.
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insanity
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response 4 of 17:
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Apr 28 14:18 UTC 1995 |
thank you very much fraizer...but I missed it in some hard to define way.
I missed the feeling of turning in circles to find nothing...but you've both
given me hope I can fix it.
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fraizer
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response 5 of 17:
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Apr 28 16:50 UTC 1995 |
If YOU want to fix, then by all means, do it. But only if YOU want to.
I personally love it as is.
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bradly
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response 6 of 17:
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Apr 29 20:30 UTC 1995 |
Now I know why this is called the, "writing conference" instead
of the, "GOOD writing conference"!!!!!
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bradly
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response 7 of 17:
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Apr 29 20:32 UTC 1995 |
... of the, "GOOD writing conference"!!!
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brighn
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response 8 of 17:
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Apr 30 05:11 UTC 1995 |
I dare say that's one of the rudest posts I've seen in a while, Bradly.
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anne
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response 9 of 17:
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Apr 30 15:03 UTC 1995 |
I agree with brighn.
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gerund
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response 10 of 17:
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May 1 04:56 UTC 1995 |
Good bad or ugly, this is meant (i hope) to be a place where people
can express themselves. If you don't like a poem, and can't come up
with a constructive reason why, shut your trap. Otherwise, offer some
aid. I'll get off my soap box now.
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fraizer
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response 11 of 17:
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May 1 15:30 UTC 1995 |
Now that bradly realized how much of an arogant DIPSHIT he is,I hope
he will post some of his works of art so we can carefully read them
over, with noe bias, and RIP THEM TO SHREDS!
Yes, I am very pissed...
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kami
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response 12 of 17:
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May 2 21:17 UTC 1995 |
not worth the energy, folks. let it go.
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fraizer
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response 13 of 17:
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May 2 21:48 UTC 1995 |
Agreed. But that was just a shitty and ignorant thing for him to say.
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remmers
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response 14 of 17:
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May 4 10:39 UTC 1995 |
Everybody seems to be "expressing themselves" very well. Keep up the
good work! :)
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insanity
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response 15 of 17:
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May 22 18:07 UTC 1995 |
well I wish I hadn't come back to see that! how very rude! And may I say
sir in my own rude style I know why people call you what they do....
And for the sake of the lovely audience here I'll leave it at that.
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bradly
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response 16 of 17:
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Jun 3 20:55 UTC 1995 |
Dear Brenna,
I apoligize for that comment. If you don't overcome your anger
I cannot blame you for anything. But if you ever find it in your
heart to forgive an insensitive remark, please read my explination
at the end of the apoligy. I try my best not to make enemys. I'm
very sorry, and will accept any critizism from you.
I hope my explination will do some comfort.
Quite a while ago I gave my login and password to a
'friend'. After a fight with that 'friend' he moved away before
we could be reconciled. The rest is sad history. Be assured that I
changed my password, and that I am very very sorry.
Sincerely,
Stephen Quinn
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insanity
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response 17 of 17:
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Jun 12 16:25 UTC 1995 |
I accept your apology ...please forgive my temper.
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