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Grex > Writing > #129: Poem #2 written 4-5-95 By Morgayn | |
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morgayn
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Poem #2 written 4-5-95 By Morgayn
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Apr 10 16:06 UTC 1995 |
Emotions swirl through me.
Fire grabs me and pulls me to you.
Your eyes, color of the grass after a good rain,
Your hair the color of earth at sunset...
Your lips soft enough to burn mine.
Fires as warm as your sincerity,
Passions undying...
And I kissed you.
Take me in your arms,
Take me to the eternal flame.
Circles spin in my eyes
And all I see is you.
Passions pass into flames,
I'm burning...
Your touch ignites me.
Your eyes invite me.
For a moment,
I am yours,
And you are mine.
Your lips on mine,
A perfect union...
Morgayn April 5, 1995
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| 25 responses total. |
morgayn
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response 1 of 25:
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Apr 10 16:08 UTC 1995 |
This poem was written for someone who is very dear to me, they know who they
are...May the fires of passion burn brightly, luv....
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odye
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response 2 of 25:
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Apr 11 16:57 UTC 1995 |
What I want to know is where can I find one? ; )
Very strong, I loved the passion in it. Good stuff, Morgayn.
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morgayn
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response 3 of 25:
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Apr 12 13:20 UTC 1995 |
You can find people like this all over, you just have to find the right one
is all....
Thanks Odye. :)
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fraizer
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response 4 of 25:
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Apr 12 18:07 UTC 1995 |
Wonderful imagery, morgayn!
"Your lips soft enough to burn mine"
Being yanked in an all together different direction I thought the line would go
I love it.
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morgayn
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response 5 of 25:
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Apr 12 19:13 UTC 1995 |
Hmmm...Me thinks me feels better already... :)
You really liked it, Fraizer?
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fraizer
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response 6 of 25:
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Apr 12 21:03 UTC 1995 |
Oh yeah
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morgayn
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response 7 of 25:
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Apr 13 14:32 UTC 1995 |
Now Spacey, what directions did that line take you?
The intention of the line was along the lines of *please excuse the pun* the
fact that this person's lips are so soft and so inviting and so attractive to
me that my lips burned to touch theirs, they burned to kiss this person...
Is that what you ewre getting? It's an aching, burning desire/need...
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odye
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response 8 of 25:
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Apr 13 18:05 UTC 1995 |
What is the color of earth at sunset.... ? I always think of the
classic burnt orange of an Arizone desert or something.... : )
Just curious..... ; ) What other colors are there??
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morgayn
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response 9 of 25:
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Apr 14 01:07 UTC 1995 |
That was the color I was going for, a very deep reddish...the earth tends
to take on a very deep auburn tint at sunset....I was thinking more of brown
with heavy reddish accents...but the Arizona color works better...
As for are there other colors...sure...Have you never seen a pink sunset, or
purple? Or how abnout those days where the sun doesn't seem to set at all, it
just sort of disappears?
*Morgayn hopes she has cleared this up for Odye...:)*
*Morgayn REALLY appreciates both Odye and Fraizer's comments. :)*
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odye
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response 10 of 25:
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Apr 14 13:50 UTC 1995 |
See, look, now I've got you doing it, morgayn.
Your putting '...' all over your response.... : )
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morgayn
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response 11 of 25:
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Apr 14 16:13 UTC 1995 |
Heh heh, Odye, you are funny. I like you...
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kami
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response 12 of 25:
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Apr 17 03:18 UTC 1995 |
Yum! Nice first part of a longer piece: go with the "flame" imagery- what
happens next? Where does the fire take you or how does it change you, can
you ride it or take it inside? If she's fire, what are you- the fuel or
the metal being shaped, or a crucible which can hold fire without being
burned or a clay oven being warmed or what?
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morgayn
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response 13 of 25:
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Apr 19 23:50 UTC 1995 |
What makes you so sure the subject of the poem is a 'she', Kami?
*Morgayn eyes Kami suspiciously..*
The point of the poem was not to tell the readers where the passion and
flames took me. I'm sure we can all figure out where the flames took me. The
point was to show how the flames became ignited, how they started... How
the flames were not going to burn me, but consume me, and I don't mind that.
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kami
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response 14 of 25:
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Apr 20 17:02 UTC 1995 |
Because most of the people with whom I connect you are female, and the
referent doesn't feel specifically male.
In poetry, you don't *assume* "we can all figure out" anything- you hint,
telegraph, lead, direct, imply, etc. so as to almost insure that the reader
arrives where the poet intends, yet without the coarseness of a bald statement
(except in service to some other, more subtle, point). Indeed, this one
poem has a sexual feel, but so what!
Again, it's good enough to want a "what next": not a blow-by-blow, but how
does it feel to be "consumed, not burned"? Again, how have you been
changed if the fire has consumed you yet you exist? And what becomes of
that flame?
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morgayn
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response 15 of 25:
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Apr 20 19:33 UTC 1995 |
But I don't WANT the poem to go further...
The ending lines are just that, ending lines...
"Your lips on mine,
A perfect union..."
These words are trying to direct, convey, imply, show that the feelings
invoked make the subject feel 'perfect'. I don't see how the poem COULD go on
after those words...
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odye
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response 16 of 25:
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Apr 21 16:42 UTC 1995 |
I liked the ending as is..... Every time I read it
I get this unmistakeable imagery of a 2 lovers who have
just seperated from a very initmate kiss and whose lips
are still just inches apart.... And there is like this
mutual acknowledgement of the perfect union going on between
them in the aftermath.....
Thats what I think of at the end, and I must admit, is a
very powerful image personally.... *sigh*
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morgayn
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response 17 of 25:
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Apr 22 16:39 UTC 1995 |
I agree with you, Odye, and that is the image I was trying to get at the end.
*smile*
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kami
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response 18 of 25:
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Apr 24 04:56 UTC 1995 |
yeah, you're right, it's just fine as it is. I wonder what more I wanted
to see at the time.
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morgayn
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response 19 of 25:
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Apr 25 04:03 UTC 1995 |
Well, I wonder what you were thinking of? Care to share?
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kami
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response 20 of 25:
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Apr 25 18:39 UTC 1995 |
gone, long gone.
poor lonely thoughts winging out to sea,
sad empty skull
echoing with the sweep and snap of receding wings.
sorry, can't remember at all.
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toking
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response 21 of 25:
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Apr 26 05:22 UTC 1995 |
i like it, don't know why, but i like it
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leighton
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response 22 of 25:
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Apr 29 04:44 UTC 1995 |
I'm sure that you are aware that often in this conference and in the poetry
confrence
the diolog can be extremly distracting from the point of the poem
I just thought I'd mention that along with my praise
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morgayn
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response 23 of 25:
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May 1 12:11 UTC 1995 |
The dialog in the poem, or the dialog after the poem? Leighton, I am a bit
confused.
Praise? Hmm...*Morgayn blushes* You guys....stop....you're going to give me
a swelled head...;)
What did you like about it, Leighton? What was the point of the poem?
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odye
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response 24 of 25:
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May 1 20:52 UTC 1995 |
<odye is applying ice to reduce the swelling>
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