odye
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Lopsided Triangles
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Apr 7 17:32 UTC 1995 |
It's late at night, finals week. I shut my book,
threw it down on the desk, leaned back, rubbed my eyes. It
was late, I was tired, but I couldn't sleep just yet, I
needed to unwind. Can't study, so I headed down the hall,
to the study lounge. The lights were on, I walked to the
same window. I know she's there, in his room, just like
all the other nights I'd spent thinking of them, intimate,
close in ways I could only imagine, that I didn't want to
imagine. I stare out into the night again, a light skin of
snow on the ground, the two black trees stripped naked in
the emptiness. They casted shadows on the snow, another
clear, crisp night. I can see my reflection in the glass,
surrounded by the promise of the coming winter.
Excerpt from a short story I scribbled out many moons ago....
Comments, questions, spare change accepted...
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morgayn
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response 1 of 5:
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Apr 7 18:07 UTC 1995 |
I like it, odye. It represents many emotions, jealousy, exclusion, a very
good understanding and usage of the english language....
:)
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kami
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response 2 of 5:
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Apr 17 03:15 UTC 1995 |
I really hate the way you switch tenses- I don't know where you're going
with that, or if it's one person and time or an alternation, or what. I
do like the scene you're setting, I'd like to see more, but again, I'm not
entirely sure where it's going: is this "she" inthe next room, the same room,
another building, or not human at all?
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odye
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response 3 of 5:
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Apr 17 16:14 UTC 1995 |
Actually, when I typed in in, I had noticed that
my tenses were mixed up, but decided to let it stay as is
from when I wrote it, but I do plan on fixing the
tenses. Thanks for pointing it out, I agree completely.
The "she" is in a nearby room... It is an excerpt from a short
stroy, so may not stand well by itself..... I just chose
this portion for the imagery....
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