|
Grex > Writing > #127: An untitled poem authored by Morgayn | |
|
| Author |
Message |
morgayn
|
|
An untitled poem authored by Morgayn
| 
Apr 5 19:38 UTC 1995 |
Wandering through the dark shadows
Sadness caught me by surprise
The shades closed down over my eyes
And I began to weep.
Your face I saw before me
Oh, how I wished you were there.
Clasp your hand in mine
Take me away from here.
Return me to the light
On your wings, let me fly.
Squeeze me until I cry
Love me as I love you
Please, I beg of you.
My footsteps echoed softly
In my heart I bled
I yearned for your sweet fingers
Take me away.
August 15, 1994
Comment, opinions...
|
| 11 responses total. |
odye
|
|
response 1 of 11:
|
Apr 7 17:28 UTC 1995 |
Why would sadness catch you by surprise in dark shadows?? Seems like
the place one would expect sadness to linger. Very intense language,
but with no solid imagery, I have ahard time filling in the rest.
Hmmm.... maybe I shouldnt try to put a story into it, and just
enjoy how the words all seem to softly slide together. I like
the sense of delicate I get from reading it.
|
fraizer
|
|
response 2 of 11:
|
Apr 12 18:33 UTC 1995 |
Saddness would catch one by suprise in the dark shadows if one was in
the dark shadows. Don't look for meaning, let the meaning find you.
Morgayn, I know at least one person who would happily take you out of
your dark shadows.
|
morgayn
|
|
response 3 of 11:
|
Apr 12 19:26 UTC 1995 |
Eeek. I see that my response to your post, Arf! was not posted...*frown*
<pout>
Let me see if I can regain it...
Alright, I don't tend to look for sadness in shadows...I like shadows,
especially when I want to be by myself. I go to the shadows to be by myslef,
and when sadness finds me there, I am caught by surprise because I wasn't
expecting it, you see?
No, Arf! Put a story to it, that's why it's there... The imagery from this
particular piece doesn't happen to work with what you were thinking is all.
Doesn't mean you're wrong...
Thank you, space dog. I would like to be taken from these dark shadows...
But, for right now...I think I need them. Believe it or not, they comfort me,
they are part of me...
|
fraizer
|
|
response 4 of 11:
|
Apr 12 21:03 UTC 1995 |
I believe you
|
morgayn
|
|
response 5 of 11:
|
Apr 13 15:00 UTC 1995 |
Funny how darkness and light converge and make up people? In different amounts
and how one reacts to the differences....
|
kami
|
|
response 6 of 11:
|
Apr 17 03:13 UTC 1995 |
Lyrical. Of course... Doesn't seem to need a "story"- it's about a
feeling, clearly with a specific referent, but I don't need to know who or
what to share the feeling. I could see that the framework of the poem was
in the past, and the stuff in the present tense was a quote of sorts, but
it was still just a bit jarring. But felt like movement, over all.
|
morgayn
|
|
response 7 of 11:
|
Apr 19 23:47 UTC 1995 |
Jarring? How so?
Actually, the whole poem is simply about someone walking away and how
the subject doesn't want that person to leave...
|
kami
|
|
response 8 of 11:
|
Apr 20 16:56 UTC 1995 |
well, that's the point- it's about HOW the subject doesn't want that person
to leave: the feelings and their expression, unique to the individual but
a common experience.
Jarring in that I had to devote some of my attention to figuring out why the
tense changed and adding mental quotation marks to make it work, so it shook
me out of just being carried along by the poem.
|
morgayn
|
|
response 9 of 11:
|
Apr 20 19:30 UTC 1995 |
For some silly reason, I was thinking this was in reference to a different
poem...
Well, the tense doesn't truly change...If you look at it, you see it is
relaying an experience...The person is walking and finds themself thinking
and remembering and wishing and then they harbored that feeling of need and
want as they walked away.
I can't change the tense, changing the tense would change the tone of the
poem, however I can see where some quotes could be useful in both the second
and third stanzas.
|
kami
|
|
response 10 of 11:
|
Apr 24 04:52 UTC 1995 |
It might be that adding quotation marks would be enough to solve the
problem.
|
morgayn
|
|
response 11 of 11:
|
May 1 12:09 UTC 1995 |
When I get a chance to, I will go back and check into adding quotation marks.
:)
|