One silence

Apr 5 14:27 UTC 1995

I've lost my reason for living again. Do you know where I can find it?
Cause I've searched here before, and barely got out alive. I'm doing all
the things that are so hard for me, but they never seem to be enough for 
you. NO! My blood and bones weren't yours to give! My soul is scarred by
the years. And You're always so Humble when it suits you, showing how
much you couldn't care. Well I'm fire and ice now. Breaking apart the 
things you couldn't. I'm leaving so little of myself alive. But You
taught me I was worthless. You taught me how to die. I am the song I
can't sing because I'm too scared to utter the words. Never speaking,
Never seeing. I walk along the path you chose. I am NOT here, please leave
me in silence while I cry. Just pretend I never was then we won't need
a reason why. I will do the damage to the parts you can not reach. And
I will remained trapped never getting what I need. And I will die here
sadly wishing I didn't know what I could've been. You laugh from the 
sidelines, creully taunting "sink or swim"

response 2 of 4:

Apr 7 14:33 UTC 1995

Take a breathe hold it for eternity, if you can...I will love you even if you
can't. I love the way the tears fall down your cheeks, sliding along the 
edge of your mouth. I love the way you hold your hand out, to be kissed,
and held. My beloved, my heart, my forgiveness. Condemnation is opening
the dark door in my mind again. The one from which he always comes. I hold
on to you, Desperate! Don't let him drag me away this time. But he rocks
me in my Hate and Anger. Cooing his words of love. I didn't ask for this,
You have to believe me I didn't ask for this. But It found me anyway.
The words you scream hoping to reach me make me laugh. It's a bitter
laugh flooding over insanity's lips. You think each time your the reason,
and turn away holding your burning heart away from my hurt. But I scream!
I Scream like an Angel driven to Hell! I love the feel of your anguish
when he holds me like this. I love the feel of all the Hate. I thirst for
blood because it's the only thing that can save me. I take your lips, taking
your soul right through them,and he taunts me from behind. I feel his 
touch on my skin. I call it love, because that's all it is.  A love
from which I can't escape. So come kiss my lips again, quick before the blood
lust returns, then quickly take your heart and soul. Don't look
Back! Don't Return! please...Don't look Back and Don't Return....

response 4 of 4:

Apr 19 14:26 UTC 1995

take my hand...we'll wander like the old days. When we heard the  songs
of the night. I call you in voices not meant to be understood, but to
be felt. i am like a phoenix, createing my own ashes to rise from.
kind words acting to cool my fever and enflame my terror.
i burn but i say thank you. I burn but I smile a little.Thank you for
that.