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| Author |
Message |
thesexy1
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The World and change
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Mar 27 06:47 UTC 1995 |
Sometimes, we see and hear things on the news that are not suprising anymore.
We are used to the violence, the crime, the hate, the lack of peace in our
world... but none, or very few, of us know what love really is. And none,
or very few, of us stop to think about what we can do to change, to stop
the violence, the crime, the hate, the lack of peace on our world. In here,
i welcome poems of what is in our world and what we can do to change it.
These next poems will help you understand what I mean. And if you don't have
any poems to fit in here, i still welcome any comments you may have and wish
to share with us, whether they are unrelated to anything else said previously
in here, or in response to a poem or another comment in here. Thank you for
checking out what this was all about and i hope it is as successful as others
in Creative Writing.
Amy Marie
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| 10 responses total. |
thesexy1
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response 1 of 10:
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Mar 27 06:51 UTC 1995 |
LESSONS
Little lessons of life
are learned every day.
Even if they are not
called lessons,
they are in every way.
Littly girl, lovely girl,
why the dark rainclouds
from overhead
in your head?
"Mommy says it's not me,
Daddy says it is...
Daddy says it's our faults,
Mommy says it is his."
Little elssons of life
are learned every day.
Even if they are not
called lesson,
they are in every way.
Small child, sweet child,
who did this to you?
They gave you breath,
and here you were left.
Your eyes are dark,
sad and pale;
you lie there still,
quiet and tranquil.
Little lessons of life
are learned every day.
Even if hey are not
called lessons,
they are in every way.
what did you think? do you understand it? does it help you understand what this
item is all about? i hope so...
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thesexy1
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response 2 of 10:
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Mar 27 06:56 UTC 1995 |
CHANGE
As I see,
I hear,
I feel,
the pain,
I wonder...
how will
it all change?
When will
it all change?
AGAIN
I sit here
with my eyes
closed...
I cannot see,
but I can hear,
I can feel...
everyone feels
the pain,
the mistake
that has been
hurting...
and hurts
once again...
comment? honest opinions?
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kami
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response 3 of 10:
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Mar 27 20:22 UTC 1995 |
I'm a bit confused. The first part of the first one is clear as a pistol
shot. The second part is depressing, but where does it take us? And is
she dead or just withdrawn? Nor is it as effective poetry as your other
pieces; too conversational, too cluttered in some way I can't quite make
out.
The second poem is also less effective than the ones in the other item.
You are using the nearest word you can find, rather than the most exact.
I think the point is good, but where does it go? What action does it
advocate or does the "speaker" take (other than to close her eyes and
discover that that does not make anything go away)? Can you play with
your underlying feelings or images some more here? I'd really like to
get what you're saying.
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insanity
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response 4 of 10:
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Mar 28 14:18 UTC 1995 |
I watch my hand as it lies in yours
I wish I didn't care
I wear these scars you gave me only because I can't tear them off.
It may not make sence,
or it may make all the sence in the world,
as I lie in your arms counting stars
One to wish upon
A wish for love
Two to wish upon
A wish for love
Three to wish upon
A wish you could love..
me like I do you.
But I know the stars don't answer prayers
So I'll pack up and go,
if the sight of me is so offencive.
But I have to ask you why Mother
Why couldn't you give me your love?
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insanity
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response 5 of 10:
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Mar 28 14:19 UTC 1995 |
Is this what you were looking for?
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kami
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response 6 of 10:
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Mar 29 20:23 UTC 1995 |
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!
That works!!!!
(ouch! -- but then, it's supposed to hurt)
um, dear, I hate to nit pick, but try "sense" and "offensive" before
you put this in print, ok?
two things don't fit well together, though: lying on a mother's arms might
seem to imply a fairly young child (I know, you wanted to allow the
impression of a lover, first), but "pack up and go", while it would fit
fine with a lover or an older/adult child making a last try for a real
relationship, certainly doesn't fit with a young one. Would you
want to choose a different phrase for taking oneself away perhaps?
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insanity
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response 7 of 10:
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Mar 31 16:28 UTC 1995 |
sorry I always was a bad speller....*grin*
You are right about the way the poem turned...it was written on the spot.
I didn't quite get the feeling of vulnerability a child whose never been
held feels when as an adult they grow up missing some part of themselves.
I think that statement was utter confusion, but I hope it could be understood
regardless.
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morgayn
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response 8 of 10:
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Apr 3 18:00 UTC 1995 |
Well, here is my $.02 on respone #5....
The 'Mother' towards the end of the poem is a tad confusing. Throughout
the work, I was thinking of a lover, perhaps the 'Mother' was purposely
with held until the end for shock value or to further a point? I know I can't
possibly see what the poem inspired personally to you. I can only say with any
certainty what it called to my mind, and it brought a very beautiful picture.
But beautiful on the surface...Below it is full of confusion and pain. Pain
caused by unreturned love. Pain caused by uncertainty. But the 'Mother' throws
this plan all out of whack. I am interested in finding out why you decided to
change the direct object and if you changed it at all, because looking back on
it, one can see where Mother could fit. It just wasn't the impression first
called to my mind.
:)
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unique
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response 9 of 10:
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Apr 9 08:59 UTC 1995 |
to kami, in response to my poems... the first one dealt with a girl and her mom
was abused by the little girl's father (and the mom's husband)... and then it
talks about a little baby who was left to die... and now i can't remember the
f<er, a oopsie> the other two poems... but i do belive they hafta do with
someone losing a loved one but anyways, i liked insanity's poem... it was cool,
yet sad too...
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kami
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response 10 of 10:
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Apr 17 03:04 UTC 1995 |
re: # 9 which is re: #1: I figured it was a divorce. Abuse fits too, but
it's almost too gentle and straightforward to convey that situation. I didn't
realize you had two different people in one poem: the 2nd part is complete
in itself. If it's the same girl who, after having been abused for so long,
was killed or killed herself, then it might go in one poem, and I can see
some ways the language carries through. But in that case, I think, again,
that the first part is too gentle, doesn't foreshadow enough the enormity of
the horror. Seriously, though, the part about the dead baby makes me shiver.
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