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Grex > Writing > #115: A poem... please read and tell me what you think of it... thanks ;=) | |
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abchan
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A poem... please read and tell me what you think of it... thanks ;=)
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Jan 29 01:36 UTC 1995 |
Reflections
As I sit here, with my journal in front me,
wondering what I could write about,
I think of you, and all the fun we've had, all the good times we've shared,
and all the tears we've shed, together.
As I gaze out at the setting sun,
I remember the good old days when we used to have fun,
when we were young, and didn't have to work, when we were innocent and naive,
and unaware that these were special times.
When I think of all we've shared together,
when I think of all we've been through,
it makes me wonder why I haven't told you this before, and
why I've never even realized it myself.
As I look out at the stars, shining brightly in the dark sky,
I wonder why I haven't been honest,
how I've kept from myself, my true feelings for you.
Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser,
I think back to my childhood and my adolescence.
I think of you, and what you meant to me, and
realize that my feelings haven't changed.
You really are a part of me.
Here's a poem I wrote when I was fifteen. Any comments or suggestions?
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| 11 responses total. |
gerund
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response 1 of 11:
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Jan 29 16:47 UTC 1995 |
It's wonderfully... honest.
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orinoco
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response 2 of 11:
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Jan 29 18:45 UTC 1995 |
Poetry *is* wonderfully theraputic, isn't it...
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randall
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response 3 of 11:
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Jan 30 02:19 UTC 1995 |
Very much so. Beautiful, and receptive. I bet most of us have been there
before...
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pimp1
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response 4 of 11:
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Feb 24 01:48 UTC 1995 |
i like the third segment. why not send it to him/her? Does your feeling
change now?
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abchan
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response 5 of 11:
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Feb 24 13:23 UTC 1995 |
I actually didn't write it for anyone specifically, like most of the
stories and poetry I do write... this was one that came out of an
inspiration... I was under too much stress at the time and had to get
away, so when I took a break... voila.
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abchan
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response 6 of 11:
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Apr 24 12:32 UTC 1995 |
I wonder how many poems around here don't get read by newusers who log on
after the item was new. Is there anyone out there who didn't get to read
my poem the first time around and would like to give me some constructive
criticism on it now? ;) Thank you in advance.
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odye
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response 7 of 11:
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Apr 25 14:14 UTC 1995 |
I like the content , fer sure. Had many similar thoughts
myself. AS far as presentation go,
it
seemed a little choppy to me, as in, chunks of partial
senteneces patched together. But again, I liked the content lots....
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toking
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response 8 of 11:
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Apr 26 05:19 UTC 1995 |
i donn't know if i like the cintent...i might, bu t idon't know.....i'll have
to reread it later....but i do like the style
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odye
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response 9 of 11:
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Apr 26 12:56 UTC 1995 |
Well, there you have it, we have both angles covered now... : )
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dylan
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response 10 of 11:
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Aug 17 01:45 UTC 1995 |
Quite beautiful and expressive. Send me some more by e mail won't you.
I want to start writing again. You have helped me be inspired again.
Thanks, dylan
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nistel
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response 11 of 11:
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Oct 18 18:27 UTC 1996 |
very lucid, expressive and not at all like words patched together.
but then everyone's entitled to their opinion.
mine on this is - wish i could write as well.
i quite agree with - many of us have been there before.,
too true.. honest and kudos to your imagination.
mail us more.. but put your name so we wont miss it as we pass by.
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