Religious boycotts and social occasions ... where's Ms. Manners when you need her?

Aug 21 15:37 UTC 1996

I must say that although I'm not surprised at the number of people boycotting
my wedding on religious grounds (I stated upfront on the invite that it was
a handfasting and marriage), I am a bit hurt a somewhat puzzled.

Would they have boycotted my religious wedding if I were, say, Moslem, Hindu,
Mormon, or Jewish?  I don't think it's polite to put them on the spot by
asking ... but I wonder.

(My mother's opinion: if you didn't want to have people boycotting on
religious grounds, you should have had a nice normal Catholic wedding." 
(She's one of the boycotters.))

Just a rant.  Don't mind me.  I feel much better now.  Really!  <g>

response 2 of 27:

Aug 21 16:37 UTC 1996

I'm fortunate in that my parents have made clear that they'll
support any kind of wedding I want, though they have suggested
I have two services, so my dad's relatives (not an understanding
bunch, for the most part) can at least come to one of them.
Now all I have to do is find a fiance'.  >8)

If it makes you feel better, mta, I know plenty of people who
*would* refuse to go to their child's wedding if it were a
Muslim or Hindu service.

I'm curious, who's performing the ceremony for you?

response 4 of 27:

Aug 22 02:02 UTC 1996

Instead of two wedding ceremonies I went with a three day party surrounding
the big event.  That way even people with other plans could be a part of some
part of the clebration.  My parents aren't ruining it.  They did that the
first time.  This time I was prepaed ... and they surprised me.  They are
coming in on Thursday and staying until 3 hours before the ceremony and then
flying back to Texas "because my father has to work".  It lets them save face
and still be a part of some part of the celebration.  (To them, attending my
handfasting would be condoning my leaving their religion.  That';s something
they can't do.  (They boycotted my cousin's wedding because she married a
black man.  "Oh, he's a nice boy, but they ought to consider what they're
doing to the children.")  

I guess it's the idea that people who know me well enough, and that I
considered close enough, to invite to the wedding, would boycott the whole
3 day affair because the centerpeice is pagan.  Do they think so little of
me that they suspect I'll sacrifice small chidren and livestock at the party
or what?

*sigh*  I guess I'm more upset than I thought about this.  Oh well.  It's my
day, I'm doing it in a way that means something to Larry and I, and we have
many, many friends who wish us well.  It's not such a big deal if a few show
their colours.  We'll have fun, and I'll send out love to them so they maybe
can see someday that my religion i no more a social faux paux than their's
is.

Thanks for the warm thought everyone.  And especially Rob -- do you really
know people that narrow, too, Rob?  I had hoped it was my unique misfortune.

response 6 of 27:

Aug 22 05:29 UTC 1996

Re 4 - Oh, you'd better believe I know people like that.  When
one of my coworkers found out from my Web page that I was a pagan,
he assumed I meant I was Catholic.  Seriously.  (I don't think
I've met a Catholic yet who referred to *themselves* as "pagan".)

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my dad's brother's wife
was a Christo-pagan the one time I met her.  It was even more
shocking given that my grandparents have refused to talk to me
or send me mail since they found out.  I shouldn't be too
surprised by that, these are the same people who disowned my
father when I was 3 because, among other things, he'd married
a Catholic.  It's so tempting to just have one big pagan
wedding and piss them off.  Ah well, that's very unlikely any
time in the near future.

Now that I think of it, when I first met my grandparents when
I was 23, they told me that Aunt Sharon (the Christo-pagan) was
quite an oddball, and they didn't really like her.  "She reads
those science fiction books and she's in some Society of Creative
Anarchism or something."  Gee, I'm shocked.  >8)

response 8 of 27:

Aug 23 11:59 UTC 1996

I'm happy that in the event of a personal decision ever to get married, my
parents and all of my extended family would approve of any type of wedding
I so desired.

response 10 of 27:

Aug 24 02:59 UTC 1996

That doesn't sound like a relationship that will last to long,
and if he feels that repressed, I almost hope it doesn't last.

I do have many friends who have done, shall we say, "interesting"
preparations for the various candles used during their wedding
ceremonies, so they could have magickal elements without the
relatives suspecting a thing.

I dunno, when I first started down this path, I felt that maintaining
secrecy was important.  In recent years, I've definitely taken
a more pro-active approac, not "in your face" per se but definitely
not hiding my beliefs from anyone.  My feeling is that if we keep
acting like an oppressed minority religion, people will think of
us that way, while an open approach will at least gain us tolerance,
if not acceptance.  Not to mention it's a great way to clear up
misconceptions - no, we do NOT eat babies, I promise.  >8)

response 12 of 27:

Aug 24 04:50 UTC 1996

If family is so blinded by their hatred of another faith, then they can
be shot.  
Pardon me, I'm in a mood.

response 14 of 27:

Aug 24 15:22 UTC 1996

        It reminds me of the marriage of one Jerry Custer and one Lisa Mohr
a few months back ... wonderful couple, he an open-minded Christian with some
serious Catholic tendencies, and she an Irish-Celtic pagan.  The wedding was
performed shortly after Easter, with a old tree strung with brightly-coloured
baubles in the right corner, Lisa's corner.  It was an accident, I'm sure,
but it was ironic nonetheless.

response 16 of 27:

Aug 24 22:32 UTC 1996

Not to mention the fact that the precise date of Easter is based entirely on
the position and phase of Earth's moon.  Not that it has anything to do with
fertility that I know of.

response 18 of 27:

Aug 25 16:15 UTC 1996

   yep. easter is the first sunday after the first full moon after the vernal
equinox{

response 20 of 27:

Aug 25 19:38 UTC 1996

Even the most frothing fundies I've talked to wouldn't accuse
the Jews of being pagans.  Wrong, yes.  Damned to hell, yes.
But not pagans.  >8)

response 22 of 27:

Aug 26 06:04 UTC 1996

Maybe you haven't met the same frothie fundies I have, Rob... =}

response 24 of 27:

Jan 29 22:14 UTC 1998

Yeah, they have a really hard time with my lifestyle.  Actually, their coming
even for the pre-wedding stuff was a major concession.

I wish they had stayed because I'm pretty sure we had enough energy going that
they couldn't have dampened it (Larry's father was there and he didn't
interfere) and maybe, just maybe, they'd have seen for themselves that my ways
aren't evil even if they aren't the ways I was brought up in.

In the end, I don't suppose it matter what they think, though.  A wedding is a
very emotional time and it mattered a whole bunch then -- but we compromised in
a way that was OK for all of us.  That's for the best.  

(I'm glad you enjoyed the wedding.  Larry and I had a ball!)