Forgiveness as part of healing

Dec 12 07:03 UTC 2002

For those of us that have suffered abuse, forgiveness can be a very 
important part of the healing process.  Religious considerations aside, 
forgiveness is important simply because one lets go of the poisonous 
and bitter feelings.  Justice is not disposed of, but it ceases to be 
an overwhelming concern.

Simply put, we disallow those who hurt us from hurting us any longer; 
we no longer wretch inside for their sake.  We move on in spite of 
them.  It is difficult.  Human nature urges us to retaliate.  But if we 
succeed, we put the grip of the abuse away.

I recently came to forgive my mother.  It was especially hard because 
the criticizing and smothering actually runs two generations deep: my 
maternal grandmother was part of the mess too.  Our toxic relationship 
laid in her constant drive for my success: chivalry, etiquette, other 
such manners and grooming; achievement, etc.  She pushed and yet she 
was overshadowing in her involvement.  My challenge yet lies in firmly 
establishing independence.

The wounds have been slow to heal: there have been bruises in my view 
of self-masculinity, self-esteem, and confidence.  But I suppose I 
finally realized that being angry at her was just keeping me behind.