jaklumen
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The hurting.
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Jun 3 08:03 UTC 2002 |
The addiction cycle often has roots in past wounds or threats to
sanity. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse; neglect; and sometimes
mental illness (usually in the context of the previous two) may hurt
us in ways for which we cannot find immediate relief. We may choose
an addictive substance or stimulus which soothes the pain for a time,
but ultimately brings more problems.
This is an item to discuss such pain, and what we have found to be
better solutions to bring about our healing.
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jaklumen
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response 1 of 3:
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Jul 5 08:25 UTC 2002 |
I am learning to let go. It is hard. My feelings toward my mother run
bittersweet; she taught me well, but at such a cost. Threats of
blackmail. Extortion. She had me worrying about dieting when I was
10, and it's taken a lot to develop a positive self-image, particularly
in body. So much emotional abuse-- and I was played sometimes with her
mother, my grandmother who doted on me to a fault.
I recently stopped a medication that had a terrible sedative side
effect. She and my father have noticed that I've become much more
productive as a result (besides moving to a city with more job
opportunities). I've been praised. I try to remember that, and forget
all the cruel things she's said for so long.
Taking bullying and other unhappiness in school has brought a lot of
disillusionment and jaded feelings that I'm reversing. I reach just to
daydream again-- to value the starry-eyed visions I once had, not to
escape any longer, but to stretch out with passion to make real, to
make true.
Fatherhood has been a treasure. In my daughter, I find so much love
and joy-- and so much more appreciation for my wife. My future is with
them, and my present is also with them. It is time to leave the past
behind.
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cmcgee
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response 2 of 3:
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Jul 5 12:05 UTC 2002 |
I have a son who had terrible drug problems. I did my very best, the
best I knew how. So did my mom, with me. Who knows what damage I
inflicted along the way? I hope that my son will find a good therapist
at some point, one who can help him sort out what happened and how to
move past it. That's what it took for me.
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