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| Author |
Message |
arianna
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Swimming ~Erinn~
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Jun 8 08:08 UTC 1999 |
Swimming
Scales? I have none.
And fins have found better mistresses
elsewhere.
I Dive,
and slip
soundlessly
into these still, cool waters,
moved only by the reflection of a storm-darkened sky.
Curtains of rainfall shush across the surface
echoing through my aqualine skin.
Not eel, nor carp;
not dolphin, nor whale.
Just one white water lily woman.
Just one tear slipping down the face of the world
dissappearing into fathomless blue.
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| 13 responses total. |
arianna
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response 1 of 13:
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Jun 9 06:15 UTC 1999 |
eh, on second thought: I think I'll change that onme part to
Neither eel, nor carp;
not dolphin or whale.
makes mor grammatical sense....
I hate making changes after I've posted...<grumble>
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orinoco
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response 2 of 13:
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Jun 9 18:42 UTC 1999 |
I like "not eel, nor carp" better - it's a steadier rhythm.
"nor eel, nor carp" is more grammatical (if a bit archaic in style) and keeps
the rhythm intact.
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arianna
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response 3 of 13:
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Jun 22 22:58 UTC 1999 |
is it?...hm. thanks. <bows with a wry grin to the Grammar Bitch>
this';s one of those pieces written totally for the music of the words, and
I'nm sure just about everyone zipped right through it because it's so short...
needs to be read aloud. <shrug>
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bookworm
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response 4 of 13:
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Jun 24 18:43 UTC 1999 |
The short ones are the best, in my opinion.
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arianna
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response 5 of 13:
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Jul 26 13:16 UTC 1999 |
yeah, sometimes they're little still frames we capture out of the moviestream
of life. (:
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russ
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response 6 of 13:
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Jul 27 04:35 UTC 1999 |
A nit from the amateur etymologist: IIRC, "aquiline" is hawk-like,
and has nothing to do with water.
Lovely imagery. I can imagine the scene. What inspired this?
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arianna
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response 7 of 13:
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Jul 27 08:25 UTC 1999 |
d'oh. thank you for telling me that; now I feel obligated to change the
word... when one occurs to me that fits, I'll fix that. <sheepish grin>
what inspired it?...<shrug> it's just one of the voices inside me speaking.
it wanted to be heard so I let it out.
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cloud
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response 8 of 13:
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Sep 15 20:02 UTC 1999 |
uhm, how about "aquatic" to replace "aqualine"? No, that doesn't make
any logical sence... I think you should just make up a word, say,
"aquastacic", or is that getting a little frivilous?
Well, it's a really nice poem, so let us know if you come up with
somethi
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arianna
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response 9 of 13:
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Sep 16 02:37 UTC 1999 |
Swimming
Scales? I have none.
And fins have found better mistresses
elsewhere.
I dive,
and slip
soundlessly
into these still, cool waters,
moving through the reflection of a storm-darkened sky.
Curtains of rainfall shush across the surface;
the sound shudders through the meniscus of my skin.
Not eel, nor carp;
not dolphin, nor whale.
Just one white water lily woman.
Just one tear slipping down the face of the world,
dissappearing into fathomless blue.
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orinoco
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response 10 of 13:
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Sep 17 17:12 UTC 1999 |
(Josh! You still exist! Cool...)
Re#9: I _really_ like this.
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arianna
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response 11 of 13:
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Sep 18 03:21 UTC 1999 |
It loses a lot of its verbal bonuses in this format.
But thanks.
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arianna
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response 12 of 13:
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Jun 20 08:23 UTC 2000 |
View hidden response.
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arianna
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response 13 of 13:
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Jan 24 22:34 UTC 2001 |
Hm. I stumbled on this while I was looking for something else, and I'm
suddenly reminded of the circumstances in which this poem emerged (and now
wish to more adequately address russ's question about why I wrote it).
I wrote this poem a few weeks after Mike died. I was living with Greg and
his mom and Ann Arbor, and one day, while everyone was away, I sat down at
the computer and just... started to write. I was on grex at the time,
so I just popped into pico. I had *just finished* writing it when suddenly
grex dissappeared; something had happened to take grex offline (I can't
remember what it was), and the entire piece, whole and finished in one
sitting, was gone. I was so upset I burst into tears right there, got
thoroughly and irrationally vocal at it and attempted to salvage what I could
remember.
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