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| Author |
Message |
flem
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Missing You
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Jun 2 04:19 UTC 1999 |
This was written in 1997. My girlfriend at the time was on vacation. I
was driving one day, and saw this beautiful sunset, and suddenly I
wished that she were there to see it with me. The end result was this.
Suggestions are more than welcome.
Missing You
by Greg Fleming, March 1997
It's a beautiful morning,
But it's not as bright as it could be.
I've a comfortable bed,
But it's not as warm as it should be.
There's something missing.
I've a clean, quiet house.
It seems a little too quiet.
I've a leisurely breakfast,
But it tastes a bit funny.
There's something missing.
The sun is shining
But it makes my eyes all teary.
The birds are singing,
But it's just a little flat.
I think there's something missing.
I come home from work.
It's been a long, hard day for me.
My home is peaceful.
But today this isn't quite my home.
There's something missing.
There's a beautiful sunset,
But it's not as colorful,
It's not as peaceful,
It's not as beautiful,
As when you are here.
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| 10 responses total. |
toking
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response 1 of 10:
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Jun 3 14:48 UTC 1999 |
reminds me of something I wrote once..
somethings humming buzzing spinning shaking
I can feel it feeding on the air
something's running burning drifting dying
I can see it coming on
I thought I ound it
when I thought of you
then it changed
and you're not here tonight
then it hit me, smacked me in the face
it's the silence
it's the quiet you've left behind
`cause you're not here tonight
Your's is much prettier though :)
Good show, and again, welcome to the Poetry Conf :)
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cloud
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response 2 of 10:
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Jun 4 00:56 UTC 1999 |
I really like this. It really has a call-response feel:
Da da da
BUT ta ta ta,
if you see what I'm saying.
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flem
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response 3 of 10:
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Jun 4 02:35 UTC 1999 |
I actually modified this slightly to be the lyrics of a song I was
writing. I thought this form was slightly better poetically, though.
And I like #1 a lot. My tastes seem to run to at least somewhat metered
poetry, though...
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zoe
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response 4 of 10:
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Jun 4 19:02 UTC 1999 |
sometimes meters block you in....
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flem
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response 5 of 10:
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Jun 5 06:28 UTC 1999 |
Sometimes, yeah...
A wise old programmer once told me that by limiting yourself, you can
sometimes cut the immeasurable number of avaliable choices down to
something more manageable. I think the same is sometimes true of
poetry, for me. At any rate, a lot of the things I write tend to come
out metered whether I plan it that way or not.
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faile
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response 6 of 10:
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Jun 6 04:53 UTC 1999 |
a really great poetry prof I had once told me that a form is sometimes
liberating; that the scariest thing is the blank page, but if you have a form
to put your words into, you have a guideline.... *shrug*
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orinoco
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response 7 of 10:
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Jun 6 22:27 UTC 1999 |
Re#5: Yeah, I've found the same thing. Sometimes when I have an idea for
a line but I'm not sure how I want it to go, I try to write it as a haiku.
Somehow, the work involved in forcing something into that few syllables, in
that strict a pattern, makes me strip it down to what's really a necessary
part of the line.
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arianna
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response 8 of 10:
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Jun 7 11:48 UTC 1999 |
Wow, Jessi, who said that? Bozanic?
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faile
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response 9 of 10:
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Jun 9 22:09 UTC 1999 |
yep. In intro, he made us all write a formally based poem, and he said
that while we were all bitching and moaning about it (all imagining
writting dreadful and trite sonnets or villanlles), he said that to us,
and it really made sense.
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lumen
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response 10 of 10:
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Jun 15 02:31 UTC 1999 |
I could see how this was written as a song. I remember a favorite band of
mine used a poetic version of the lyrics for liner notes, and if you ever do
record this, it might be a great idea..
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