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| Author |
Message |
cbsn
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Words
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Apr 1 16:52 UTC 1999 |
I have become the wounded animal I warned you of
I rebel against your reserve with soft skeletal stares
searching for a drifting dark dream to inhabit.
I write around the bones of my being and bleeding
Every word a memory of tears, temptation and teeth....an infinite aching
need
To torture truth and time, as though meaning would bring merce, and
knowing would be salvation enough I want to tast terrible light.
Communion taken on a different tongue I want to birth babies blank faced
and ferocious, fighting fo rforgiveness without ever falling I want to
fing the words to release the wounded animal.
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| 7 responses total. |
arianna
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response 1 of 7:
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Apr 1 22:03 UTC 1999 |
ack, this's tres cool! the last stanza runs togteher a little bit much, in
my ears -- though if you can change it without sarificing that *rushing*
you've achieved, it would *click* into place. VERY nice -- welcome to poetry
conference!
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orinoco
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response 2 of 7:
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Apr 2 18:19 UTC 1999 |
Yeah, welcome.
(Ignore her, by the way, I like the last stanza just the way it is :)
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toking
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response 3 of 7:
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Apr 5 06:33 UTC 1999 |
yeah-yeah! bravo..and all that...this is slick!
and..like they said...welcome to the poetry confrence
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lumen
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response 4 of 7:
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Apr 7 06:20 UTC 1999 |
And what a bold and strong entrance it is! One slide in and you've
already made your mark!
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bookworm
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response 5 of 7:
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Apr 13 04:58 UTC 1999 |
Bienvenidos, Senorita Poeta.
(In English)
Welcome, Miss Poet.
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cbsn
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response 6 of 7:
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Apr 14 05:20 UTC 1999 |
thanks all
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flem
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response 7 of 7:
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Jun 4 01:02 UTC 1999 |
"Communion taken on a different tongue" Wow. What a cool phrase.
Some of the alliteration seems a little forced, but on a second reading
it seemed to work better. I'll throw in my lot with those who would
like to see more line breaks in the last stanza.
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