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Grex > Poetry > #54: P.T.S.S. (Our own personal Vietnam) | |
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| Author |
Message |
lumen
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P.T.S.S. (Our own personal Vietnam)
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Mar 10 23:19 UTC 1999 |
can you hear it?
the muffled sound
of emotions being ripped
torn
and buried
can you smell it?
the rotting flesh
of corpses
behind the closet door
the stench of shit
we waded through
waist-deep
can you see it?
the invisible gashes
the cracks
the shattered pieces of ourselves
the memories playing over and over
can you feel it?
the pressure and tension
the cold and the hot
the devices of torture
can you taste it?
the bittersweet
the sour
and the pills we all gagged on
behold how the feelings
are slowly being unearthed
the bones are bursting through the door
the shit is floating in the bathwater
behold the scars on our bodies
in pieces barely glued together
the infrequent release of combustion--
the rage,
the guilt,
and the tears.
behold the handcuffs
the leather
the masks and costumes i wear
to hide
to protect
and conceal
and the pills we have to choke down
to heal someday
i hope someday we awake
from this nightmare.
i've been to hell and back.
whatever she has to do alone,
i hope she doesn't go there--
or at least that she'll leave
some of the baggage behind
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| 6 responses total. |
orinoco
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response 1 of 6:
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Mar 11 02:11 UTC 1999 |
IMHO, it weakens your point a little bit when you do the "5 senses" routine
with the first lines of the first 5 stanzas. That sort of setup always
strikes me as a bit cheesey, and in this case it makes cheesey what would
otherwise be a pretty stunning poem.
Of course, that's just a personal pet peeve of mine, and others may disagree.
That quibble aside, in any case, this is well-done.
("P.T.S.D"=?)
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lumen
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response 2 of 6:
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Mar 11 06:11 UTC 1999 |
I can't remember whether it's a disorder or a syndrome, but I changed
it:
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
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bookworm
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response 3 of 6:
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Mar 11 07:23 UTC 1999 |
The way things are going, I may well write something on this too. Just
wait. It's lurking in the back of my head as we speak.
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toking
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response 4 of 6:
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Mar 11 18:15 UTC 1999 |
this is great Jone...simply great, I'd have to disagree with orinoco
however, the senses thing worked rather well (for me at any rate)
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bookworm
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response 5 of 6:
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Mar 11 22:31 UTC 1999 |
I thought so, too.
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lumen
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response 6 of 6:
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Mar 12 06:48 UTC 1999 |
Once again, real life is the basis.
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