|
|
| Author |
Message |
lumen
|
|
the drowning man.
| 
Mar 9 00:09 UTC 1999 |
(see also "The Drowning Man," by U2)
a plethora of feelings
still come to engulf me
or drag me in
when i find them unexpectedly
sometimes they come like a great wave
crashing down on me
or a swirling whirlpool
spinning faster and faster
or there are the times
i am forced to wander
through the jungle of life
and i misstep
into emotional quicksand
that gradually sucks me in
emotions.
so many emotions flowing about me
but so often dark and murky
i can't see
and i'm not sure how long i can
tread through them
as i gasp for logic
take my hand
i'm drowning inside myself
|
| 12 responses total. |
orinoco
|
|
response 1 of 12:
|
Mar 9 01:59 UTC 1999 |
ooo... interesting...
Those last 2 lines really struck me - I'm not sure why.
|
cloud
|
|
response 2 of 12:
|
Mar 9 02:40 UTC 1999 |
Perhaps because of its ambiguity? You're left asking, does he want you to
save him, or does he want to drag you down with him? I think I'd like it more
if you just left off the "inside myself" bit, since it's already pretty
obvious that this is an internal reaction, using water-imagry to describe it.
|
orinoco
|
|
response 3 of 12:
|
Mar 9 23:22 UTC 1999 |
Thank you cloud. Yeah, what he said.
|
cloud
|
|
response 4 of 12:
|
Mar 10 02:11 UTC 1999 |
I'm becoming a poetry snob. Somebody stop me.
|
brighn
|
|
response 5 of 12:
|
Mar 10 20:52 UTC 1999 |
Analyze this, cloud:
I went to see the barley man
He handed me a barley can
And though I thought it wise to mourn
I will not weep for barleycorn
That'll cure you of your snobbery =}
|
lumen
|
|
response 6 of 12:
|
Mar 10 22:56 UTC 1999 |
make "inside myself" "this abyss."
|
bookworm
|
|
response 7 of 12:
|
Mar 11 07:17 UTC 1999 |
You mean, that last line should read as follows?
"I'm drowning inside this abyss."
|
lumen
|
|
response 8 of 12:
|
Mar 12 06:41 UTC 1999 |
yep
|
bookworm
|
|
response 9 of 12:
|
Mar 12 06:59 UTC 1999 |
gotcha! I like it.
|
brighn
|
|
response 10 of 12:
|
Mar 13 21:29 UTC 1999 |
I prefer "I'm drowning this abyss" =}
More fun.
*hides*
|
lumen
|
|
response 11 of 12:
|
Mar 15 23:44 UTC 1999 |
okkkiieeee, but it doesn't fit :P
<lumen runs after brighn>
|
bookworm
|
|
response 12 of 12:
|
Apr 13 04:32 UTC 1999 |
<laughs>
|