response 1 of 31:

Feb 22 20:18 UTC 1999

"to truely mature, one must stop blaming everything wrong in their life 
on the past..."
                --M. Breuk

response 3 of 31:

Feb 22 20:41 UTC 1999

        If I don't rein myself in .... I could sing praises, I could soar on
your works .... not a dry eye left in my house ... How do you do it?

response 5 of 31:

Feb 22 22:07 UTC 1999

Interesting.

response 7 of 31:

Feb 23 03:21 UTC 1999

This poem is about the narrator.  We know that because it is in the first
person.  Beyond that it's purpose gets a little fuzzy.  At first, it seems
like the narrator is considering suicide.  Lines like
        "embracing my being;
        leuring me to my destiny..."
tend to enforce this idea in my mind.  Later on, 'though, it seems to switch
subject, instead being about overcoming some sort of internal struggle.  So
what is happening?  Let me put forth this hypothesis; The narrator is
contemplating suicide, after being wracked with some sort of depression.  It's
looking better and better to this person.  But something happens, the
        "shining glow of her merciful charm;"
inspires the author to fight back against the depression.  This is supported
by 
        "making constant the revolation of the universe...
         now beside me to bring my endless fall to a halt"
So the mercifull charm thing helps the narrator to stop feeling so wretched
horrible (By the way, the "endless fall to a halt" bit is a good line).  The
fall into dispair is brought to a halt.  Which doesn't mean that the narrator
is out of the dumper just that s/he isn't getting any worse.  Now it has to
fight back.  The last line, about "the chill of time" indicates that this is
a continuing struggle, against which the author may never be free.
        Having fathomed a working hypothesis, one askes, what works in this
poem?  Well, the use of time works; it begins by talking about the past, and
moves on to the present ("reassuring my present state) and finishing with the
future, which is what I believe the "chill of time" to be.  This helps unify
the poem.  I like the imagary, such as "the constant revolation of the
universe".
        There is quite a lot of "telling" in this peice, and very little
showing.  Personally (and, as always, this is my oppinion) I'd like to know
a little more about what happened, what is happening?  It speaks in such broad
terms that I find it hard to connect with the narrator.  It could stand to
be lengthened up.  Explain why the narrator is depressed, what happens to
cause him/her to start fighting back?  What's the story behind this?  I
personally think that by going into more detail "showing" it would help the
reader to get more into the poem, and be more interested in it.  My oppion,
take it or leave it.
        Finally, the most minor detail, stylistic notes.  These are the most
biased toward my oppinion, so be warned.  I count four elipsis and two dashes
in a fourteen line poem.  I think that's too many.  Think about including more
sentance breaks.  Also, lines four and five could be combined into one, and
watch what you do with semi-colins.  Grammatically, they should only be used
to connect to full sentances of the same thought, so "hushing;
                      swaying--" doesn't work so well.  Instead try, perhaps
"a siren's call to forgotten dreams,
         hushing, swaying,"  instead.  
        This is purely me, but I prefer that lower case "I"s and suchlike be
used very carefully.  IMNSHO, it should only be used to de-emphasize the
narrator, but lines like "i've overcome the fate's cruel joke," are
triumphant!  The narrator beat fate!  Yo, who the wo/man?!  See what I'm
saying?
        That's it.  I hope I haven't scared you away from further postings.

response 9 of 31:

Feb 24 00:29 UTC 1999

Eep!  Usually, I don't have the concentration level or the time to 
carefully analyze these kinds of poems like Josh just did.

Punctuation, capitalizing, and even grammar can be broken, if you know 
what you're doing.  e.e. cummings often wrote in lower case and devised 
his own rules for punctuation, but he knew exactly what he wanted to 
convey by it.  Even the spacing breaks dictate the pace of how the poem 
should be read and how long the pauses should be.  Don't let it be a bad 
habit, but let it be another one of your tools.

response 11 of 31:

Feb 24 02:57 UTC 1999

Well, I disagree with your "only if you know exactly what you're doing", Josh.
Usually, the things I do with punctuation or line breaks or capitalization
just "seem right"; I don't have any technique behind them, I don't know why
they work, but there are places where it just seems fitting to punctuate or
capitalize a certain way, so I do.  
The problem comes - in my opinion - when people punctuate or capitalize
funny Because They Can, not even because it feels right: "I'm gonna write in
all lowercase so I look poetic" and so forth.

response 13 of 31:

Feb 24 21:35 UTC 1999

OK, I'll concede that.

response 15 of 31:

Feb 26 16:01 UTC 1999

'tis but a bone chilling reality only kept sane by the truth of it.

the works of I a 13 yr old shall soon be up!

response 17 of 31:

Feb 26 21:54 UTC 1999

Caesurae is plural
The singular is Caesura

I think it's latin or greek or something.

response 19 of 31:

Mar 1 01:48 UTC 1999

13 huh? the age of recognition to the corrupt society around one's 
self...

response 21 of 31:

Mar 2 04:53 UTC 1999

I knew about the corruption of the world when I was 8.
By 12, I had deluded myself into a pollyannish view.
By 13, I was having my first midlife crisis. I've had two or three major ones
since.

response 23 of 31:

Mar 3 22:56 UTC 1999

my midlife crisis occured when i was five.. the candy-coated part of my 
life melted away and i was left with the brittle bones of reality after 
the whole rape thing.. after 13... life was just a smack across the 
face i was so use to taking... but "statistics" claim that 13 is when 
people mature.. i'm yet to truely see it.