Society

Jun 28 01:43 UTC 2003

Whats goin on? I am new here still gettin used to the prompt and such. Here
is my first entry.

Society
  A man walks beneath a tree. A slight shivering makes the leaves swish like
the ocean on a calm day. The man sits and thinks about his life. What has he
done? What has he accomplished? He has no wife or kids. He has an unstable
job that pays minimum wage. It were better off him dead. He thinks of himself
as a hopeless shell. A mask that he is glued to. He can not escape the feeling
that he will never be anything more than he is now. He cannot be anything
more. He walks home that night goes to his kitchen table, A knife shoved in
his back. He dies that night, not knowing he was loved.

response 2 of 3:

Jun 30 17:49 UTC 2003

wait, he shoved a knife into his own back?  How?  That sounds difficult and
clumsy.

not that I really care why he stabbed himself in the back or in the chest
or slit his wrists or whatever, it's just that, as a reader, I found that it
distracted me from the poem at a crucial moment, and turned my attention away
from "why" and towards "how", which I don't think was your intent.