| Grex > Poetry > #314: Blood on sand ~toking |
| Blood on sand ~toking | 
Jul 17 01:19 UTC 2002 |
My name is blood on sand Waiting for the high tide Waiting for the end of all things You are wind in memory False with a touch of death Decay waiting to end all things "Once upon a time" she said "Close your eyes and tell me what you see" she said "When we dream" she said And nothing's left of words So I bleed my name into the sand And wait for the high tide
| response 1 of 1: |
Jul 19 18:38 UTC 2002 |
Hmm. I do like it, but might I suggest removing the repeatition of "she said." I think that it ruins a very lovely flow. MHO only! Good work.