arianna
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untitled, for Matthew, WIP ~Erinn~
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Jan 21 20:48 UTC 2002 |
(Written for my friend Matthew; not sure if it's done yet.)
Humanity, in its defiance of gravity,
put that Air France Airbus ay-three-five-oh in the sky
with a belly full of people with bellies full of peanuts,
while you stand by watching its descent,
eyes brimming over with sun-glinting steal.
Your mind winging, fledged with props and motors,
its surge and sound written on your face;
its voice the very language of awe.
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morwen
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response 1 of 2:
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Feb 6 05:01 UTC 2002 |
Ooo! Do I get first posties on this one? Coolness.
It's been a real long time since I critiqued anyone's poetry, so you
may not want to take my word for it, Ari.
Okay, I read it through twice. I like it. I'm particularly fond
of "with a belly full of people with bellies full of peanuts," I think
that is a great image. If it's not done, Ari, it's well on the way.
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