Grex Poetry Conference Item 289

0-4

Author

Message

Two numeric poems (haiku-ish)

Jan 21 13:17 UTC 2002

                            (1)

                The snow blankets the landscape
                To the limits of my vision.
                I cannot count it!

                            (2)

                Chairs in perfect symmetry
                Around the square table.
                Not four things.  One.

4 responses total.

flem

response 1 of 4:

Jan 21 18:58 UTC 2002

Well done on #2, remmers.  :)  Good, clear evocative image with just the right
kind of visual immediacy for haiku.  The last line is a little unsubtle for
haiku; if I were doing it, I might throw in a seasonal reference there. 
Perhaps "All covered in snow." might be a better final line?  It changes the
image, but I think it remains strong.  

Anyway, good to see some life in this conf.  :)

remmers

response 2 of 4:

Jan 21 19:07 UTC 2002

The chairs are covered in snow?

flem

response 3 of 4:

Jan 21 20:07 UTC 2002

I dunno, they could be.  :)  The idea was 1) put in a seasonal reference,
because that's traditional for haiku, and 2) make more subtle the point that
the chairs and the table form part of a unified whole, by depicting them as
all being covered in snow together.  
   OTOH, now that I look at it again, "all covered in snow" is a really dumb
phrase.  :)

morwen

response 4 of 4:

Feb 6 04:56 UTC 2002

not really.  Think about a snowy table cloth.  That would make it a 
highly poetic phrase.

0-4

Response Not Possible: You are Not Logged In