ignatz
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what happened?
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Mar 21 05:19 UTC 2001 |
long ago there was no hate
there were no qualms and no debate.
there were no crimes there were no wars,
now darkness seeped through school doors.
the violence spread across the nation,
to every tv and radio station.
another shooting in your city,
we bowed our heads in helpless pity.
four score and seven years ago,
school was once a fun place to go.
but now the chaos of the night,
has left the dark and entered the light.
and every child fears if their school will be another,
if the ride there will be the last time they see thier mother.
i sometimes wonder if we've tried hard enough,
to help all of those who've had it too rough.
and i ask my self what happened every night before sleep,
the stories i've heard make me break down and weep.
and i really worry about the future when i have kids,
this'll continue & i'll look at them one last time beneath coffin lids.
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lumen
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response 1 of 1:
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Apr 12 19:06 UTC 2001 |
The message is powerful, although there are a few points I would debate,
personally.
The use of rhyme and meter seems good, although it is somewhat ordinary.
Choice of words is good, though-- I can see this as song lyrics.
Sorry I'm not more helpful-- I was forced to quit a job as a janitor,
and I am awake now when I was usually asleep.
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