arianna
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Collection of Colors ~Erinn~
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Jan 21 19:42 UTC 2001 |
I. Blue
This was planted
under the seams of my skin.
It has curled its finger down inside:
the dark, soft bed.
It has rooted with ribbons,
cords of azure, cobalt, sky.
When its hands have formed, it will find my stomach
to eat what I eat.
What its arms are long enough, it will reach up to my throat,
speak with my voice, taste with my tongue.
When its stem branches, finally, it will be my spine
and see through my eyes,
and I will be
Blue.
II. Green
wheat grass thorn slash
green-stained hard eyes
trapped in glass
staring at the field of dawn
where creeper vines are stealing time
from trees that sing
across the lawn to each other, green,
full of song and shine
and life that flickers
as they dye the sunrise
with the luminous wings
of their voices, their branches
they know nothing else but this
and who should blame them for wanting
nothing less than green --
leaves that dance, bending lance
of light and wind
and life and
green
III. Gray
Not forever, but for now,
your mornings will be heathered and blurred.
With rational step, you leave bedroom and dreaming,
cross the gray carpet and the softly multiplying bits of light
that filter through the blinds. Wan, like a second shadow,
you pick up your pipe, strike a match, fill the room
with morning's somnolent curl of smoke.
In this moment, somber and vague,
you begin to rebuild.
IV. Black and White
You played chess with an angel?
You should have known better.
Decency and sinistry must stand aside
when chess is involved,
leaving only black and white
on a stainless playing field.
Do you know why he won?
I think I do.
When disseminating defenses,
in order to be scatter-proof
strategy is not enough.
It is that well-placed thorn
of integrity that catches
deception in mid-stride.
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orinoco
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response 1 of 6:
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Jan 23 15:25 UTC 2001 |
Dude, you _must_ read some Diane Wakoski. (If you don't already). A lot of
this reminds me very much of her. (A good thing). In particular, it's got
the same tendency to very clearly explain the emotions _around_ an event
without needing to give a plot summary of the event.
I think the one place where I'd like a little more clarity is the final lines
of the last section. It sounds excellent, but with all those big words I end
up feeling like you mean _something_ and I just can't tell what it _is._
"Gray" and the beginning of "Black and White" rock my world, though.
I'm not quite sure what I think of using a different format for each section.
It keeps them distinct in my mind when I'm reading them, but by the same token
it makes the whole piece seem like less of a Whole Piece.
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lumen
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response 2 of 6:
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Jan 24 02:23 UTC 2001 |
because I am reading this quickly, I say simply, "I like," and beg
forgiveness for not giving a better and more thoughtful critique.
'netting has been on the run
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arianna
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response 3 of 6:
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Jan 24 02:47 UTC 2001 |
I haven't read any Wakoski; I promise to get my hands on some.
These are threaded together, in my mind, by the person who inspired them,
which I suppose is why I put them all together. But I do agree, they are
better stand alones. They were, in fact, all written at completely different
times and intervals over the past year.
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