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| Author |
Message |
toking
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untitled...needs help toking
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Feb 2 18:31 UTC 1999 |
Push yourself to the edge my friend
Push yourself to the end
Push yourself to the sea my friend
Push yourself in
We run until running hurts
We push until we bleed
I want to stop and hold your hand
But there's no time for that
So go ahead and push yourself
Push until you fall
Push yourself to the edge my friend
Push yourself to the end
I'd ask you to take me
But you've no time to stop
Now I'm stuck chasing you
Pushing myself to the edge
Pushing myself to the end
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| 14 responses total. |
zoe
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response 1 of 14:
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Feb 2 22:48 UTC 1999 |
i liked this one.. alot..
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orinoco
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response 2 of 14:
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Feb 3 03:23 UTC 1999 |
The first four lines of this are a good strong beginning (especially the
contrast between "push yourself to.../ push yourself to.../ push yourself
to..." and "push yourself in". It almost seems like they overwhelm the
repeats of that same line later in the poem, so the end seems a little less
strong by comparison. I'd almost like to see "Pushing myself in" stuck on
the end to make the proportions work out better.
Apart from that little quibble, though, I think this is one of my favorites
of your poems in this conf. Something about the shortness and the repetition
really drives the point home. As usual for you, this'd be great song lyrics.
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bookworm
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response 3 of 14:
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Feb 3 07:19 UTC 1999 |
This one sounds a lot like my "World Song" Is that why you like it so
much, Joe?
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toking
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response 4 of 14:
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Feb 3 15:59 UTC 1999 |
This response has been erased.
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toking
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response 5 of 14:
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Feb 3 16:01 UTC 1999 |
I don't really see the simmilarities....
item:poetry,512
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toking
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response 6 of 14:
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Feb 3 16:02 UTC 1999 |
neat!!! I finally got the backtalk clicky thing to work...
wanna fill me in on the similarities?
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bookworm
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response 7 of 14:
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Feb 3 22:32 UTC 1999 |
Well, Look at the way it flows.
In your poem, as in mine, the world seems to be coming after you, not
really caring about what you care about or who you are.
That was the similarity I was pointing to. Is that about what you meant
by your poem?
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lumen
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response 8 of 14:
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Feb 3 23:49 UTC 1999 |
Hey Joe-- when are you gonna record some of your poetry to music with
your friend and send 'em to us?
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toking
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response 9 of 14:
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Feb 5 10:36 UTC 1999 |
in the works as we speak :) uhmmm.....gimme a couple days and I'll put a
bit of something somewhere and you can get an idea of it....
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toking
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response 10 of 14:
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Feb 5 10:39 UTC 1999 |
resp:7 ahhhhh...I see what you mean....I think what I was trying to get
at was something a little different, but not much....
I think waht I'm trying to do with this is give off more the impression
of looking at it from an outsiders view point, where someone else is
letting themselves be pushed, and theres nothing that can be done about
it, so you just kinda have to go along with it, and hope that you can
help them stop it before the inevitable happens
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lumen
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response 11 of 14:
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Feb 5 23:36 UTC 1999 |
resp:9 I want a tape, Joe.
I am trying to bid on a songwriter's book in the music cf so I can
polish my own skills.
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allida
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response 12 of 14:
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Feb 6 02:27 UTC 1999 |
wow... i like this... :)
<allida is very imressed... >
it sings by itself... no need to try
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bookworm
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response 13 of 14:
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Feb 8 00:27 UTC 1999 |
Re #10: yeah, well, Like I said, there are some pretty obvious
similarities.
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toking
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response 14 of 14:
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Feb 17 18:13 UTC 1999 |
(linked to the new poetry conf)
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