Grex Poetry Conference Item 161

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Author

Message

the last train home

Jan 6 14:59 UTC 2000

I missed the last train home today.
I ran as fast as my tiny legs could go,
but it was so far to go, so far away.

I heard the whistle blow,
the conductor shout, "All aboard!".
I saw in the distance the last train
leaving without me.

I could not keep the sobs from coming,
I could not stop it from happening.
Nothing to do.  Nothing to do at all.

This is how it is now.
I am here and I am left behind.
I am forgotten and left alone.
I am small.
I only want to go home.

I smell the trees,
I taste the life air in my throat.
I know the way, but it is long.
I know the way, but it is hard.
I am small, I have tiny legs,
but I know they can carry me home.
I know there is hope without
the train, a hope for me.

I look to the moon, I hear the
distant whistle and I know the hour.
I have missed the last train home,
but I have my tiny legs and my
little heart, and I know
they will carry me far.
They will take me home.

4 responses total.

orinoco

response 1 of 4:

Jan 6 17:27 UTC 2000

Have you ever considered writing country-western songs?

I mean that nicely, by the way.  This poem suits that sort of atmosphere
perfectly.  The way you reiterate the same few lines in different form ("tiny
legs" especially) is particularly song-like, but it also works well as a poem
here: you rearrange them within the stanzas and change them around well enough
that they don't get repetitive the way most song lyrics do if you read them
as poetry.  
"I smell the trees/ I taste the life air in my throat" and "I hear the distant
whistle and I know the hour" are especially nice lines.

arianna

response 2 of 4:

Jan 7 08:01 UTC 2000

I see a little window dressing in this one, gerund.  if you cut out a small
portion of the repetition, it wold help the flow of the latter part of the
poem.  the beginning theree stanzas start out great.

gerund

response 3 of 4:

Jan 7 08:28 UTC 2000

where art my voice?  that's the only question i'm trying to answer.
the repetition, um... it's probably a phase. who knows?
this poem wasn't easy, and was probably too quickly written.

lumen

response 4 of 4:

Jan 12 02:26 UTC 2000

I agree with Dan.  It does sound very much like old-time 
country-western.

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