|
|
| Author |
Message |
brighn
|
|
the Sea / PK
| 
Jan 29 23:55 UTC 1999 |
The Sea
1/22/99
We came to the riverbank as children,
Naive and young,
Naked and innocent.
One by one, we looked into the water;
In pairs, in groups of two and seven,
We leapt across the ravine
to the other side.
In the haze, we felt shame;
In that moment, we felt ourselves
And each other,
And felt alone.
we came to the riverbank as adults,
Jaded and aged,
Nude and corrupt.
One by one, we looked into the water.
In pairs, we dove into the muddy depths.
Our feet sucked into the mire
As we reached out to the sea.
In the quiet, we felt alive;
In that moment, we felt ourselves
And each other
And felt entwined.
We came to the riverbank as nothing;
We came to the riverbank as all.
what had been us
Eroded and evolved into one
And we became the river
In that moment, we felt ourselves
And eachother.
And we became the sea.
|
| 10 responses total. |
allida
|
|
response 1 of 10:
|
Jan 30 00:58 UTC 1999 |
beautiful. i can't think of anything else to say... :)
|
bookworm
|
|
response 2 of 10:
|
Feb 1 03:12 UTC 1999 |
Me, too.
That was very well put together, Paul.
You make me feel like an amateur.
|
lumen
|
|
response 3 of 10:
|
Feb 1 03:47 UTC 1999 |
He has practice.
This is nice, easy reading; and yet it says a lot. The clarity is so
nice and smooth that it doesn't hit you all at once-- this is something
savorable and easy to enjoy slowly.
|
brighn
|
|
response 4 of 10:
|
Feb 1 03:59 UTC 1999 |
thanks, all =}
|
dragnfly
|
|
response 5 of 10:
|
Feb 6 04:55 UTC 1999 |
!
this rocks.
|
toking
|
|
response 6 of 10:
|
Feb 17 17:55 UTC 1999 |
(linked to the new poetry conf)
|
toking
|
|
response 7 of 10:
|
Apr 20 18:21 UTC 1999 |
sometimes I remember why I don't like reading your stuff brighn, I hate
feeling like I should just give up now <G>
|
arianna
|
|
response 8 of 10:
|
Apr 22 21:12 UTC 1999 |
heh. I don't remember responding to this one, but it seems I did. [:
an appropos response, too. d=
|
flem
|
|
response 9 of 10:
|
Jun 2 03:20 UTC 1999 |
Very well executed. The rhythm of the phrases very nicely emphasizes
the text in all the right places. I could almost hear it being read
aloud. Neat, coherent imagery too, supporting a nontrivial message.
This was a pleasure to read.
|
l30nc1t0
|
|
response 10 of 10:
|
Feb 19 06:11 UTC 2005 |
nice work!... keep going on, very inspirating...
|
