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| Author |
Message |
abchan
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The Dating Game
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Feb 13 20:48 UTC 1998 |
Your child comes home one day and announces, "Mom/Dad I have a date Friday
night."
Your reaction?
I seem to notice those as young as ten years old take an interest in dating.
I do believe that children these days grow up much faster than we did years
ago, yet it is hard to believe that someone who has just started middle school
is mature enough to date.
Yet you can't slap a date on it. It doesn't make sense to say, "You can't
date until you are 14/15/16/13/etc." Every child is different.
Are there any signs to watch for? How do you know when your child is ready
to enter the dating world?
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| 5 responses total. |
mta
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response 1 of 5:
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Feb 15 21:51 UTC 1998 |
*sigh* I wish it were so simp,e as "dating" anymore. ;)
As far as I know, neither of my sons has ever been on a tradiitonal date, but
one definitely has an active sex life and the other has had relationships,
though not in the "Patty Duke" "going steady" sense.
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abchan
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response 2 of 5:
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Feb 19 00:50 UTC 1998 |
(maybe the question should be rephrased to include all aspects of what was
traditionally and what is now considered part of the dating game)
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gracel
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response 3 of 5:
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Feb 26 15:28 UTC 1998 |
While my sons are reluctant to cross Main Street by themselves, this
question is only hypothetical. (Main St. in Milan, that is -- only
occasionally much trafficked) So my opinions are not those of immediate
experience, That said, these scattered thoughts:
I distrust "the dating world" and would prefer to discourage my sons from
ambitions in that direction. Let them be looking for friends, among their
acquaintances, and eventually maybe a wife, not just "dates". They may well
be interested at a young age, despite having been protected from Barbie dolls
and most of TV; healthy human beings are often curious. They're also
interested in lighting fires, but I wouldn't hand over matches without
safety instructions; if they get interested in driving a car, they will
have to wait until they're 16 at least.
If one of my sons comes home and says only "I have a date Friday night"
(assuming this is far enough in the future that his evenings are his own)
I'm likely to say "Well, dear, a date to do what?" and "Have you thought
about ... ?" and, if feasible, "Would she like to come to dinner
with us beforehand?" Other qwestions would doubtless occur to me, like
"Is whatever you're going to wear either clean or in the laundry now?"
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kami
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response 4 of 5:
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Mar 1 02:48 UTC 1998 |
My guys don't cross streets alone yet, either, but...<g>
My sense of it is that, for those of us with engrossing interests-
grexing, gaming, fandom, church life, etc.- our kids will find their
friends and social outlet, as we do, within those interests. Therefore,
while they'll still need to explore "romantic attachements", their
"dates" are apt to be roaming a con together, getting into adventures
with each other's gaming characters, etc.- stuff which engages a whole
lot more than hormones. That, with reasonable education and a bit of
gentle supervision, is apt to reduce damage to psyche and inclination to
get into each other's pants too soon. More, I they would seem more likely
to grow up with a healthy respect for, and expectation of comfortable
friendship with, members of the opposite sex.
And the practical aspects of dating- what're you going to do, do you
want supper first, etc. sure make sense to me. A lot more sense than
getting all hot under the collar than the inevitable and irreversable
fact of our kids' growing up.
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mta
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response 5 of 5:
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Mar 24 00:31 UTC 1998 |
Kami. I wouldn't count on your kids following your lead. It's a lovely
ideaand sometime they do -- but remember, they are also in touch with a whole
culture 9through school) that you may or may not know anything about or
approve of.
How kids will choose to "date" or not, how they will structure their social
lives, will based in equal parts on their temperaments, their social
environment, and their family's guidance.
One of my sons has primarily intellectual relationships, tends to spend his
social time online or with people with whom he games or explores science and
technology, and altogether is a levelheaded kid.
The best thing I can say for the other's social life is that he's become a
"protector". He likes and respected women and any "damsel in distress" can
count on him for backup. The rest of his social life is a parent's nightmare.
These kids grew up together in the same household with the same influences
and training. There's just no way of predicting what kids will turn out like.
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