Parenting class, week 5 ("Winning Cooperation")

Jun 24 15:02 UTC 1994

(Salient points)
        The way to cooperation is through communication.  In handling
problems that a child owns, communication is *blocked* by a parent's
giving orders, giving advice, placating, interrograting, distracting,
psychologizing, sarcasm, moralizing, or being/acting a "know-it-all".
        Words & tone of voice & body language all carry meaning.  We can 
be a more powerful influence when we communicate clearly and consistently
on all these channels.
        Practice active communication skills, especially appropriate
to the times when a child owns a problem (or part of one):
1. *Really* listen -- full attention, minimal talking, give "I hear
you" cues.
2. Listen for feelings.  Help children learn to recognize their
feelings before they decide what to do.
3. Connect feelings to content.  Tentatively verbalize child's
situation for him, let him/her correct you or agree.
4. Look for alternatives & evaluate consequences.  Encourage the
child to do this for him/herself, avoid even suggesting alternatives 
unless he/she can't think of anything.  Encourage independent reasoning
about "What else could ..." and "What will happen if ..."
5. Follow up.  Ask later how it turned out.