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| Author |
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gracel
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We can use all the help we can get
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Mar 19 20:37 UTC 1994 |
Some genxers are young enough to remember being children and
old enough to be articulate -- a marvelous resource for puzzled
parents like myself. What words of advice can you offer for anyone
raising children now, who has the good sense to listen to you? What
pitfalls might we avoid, what landmarks look out for, what good rules
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| 83 responses total. |
gracel
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response 1 of 83:
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Mar 19 20:44 UTC 1994 |
This item is linked, genx 15 to smalls 40.
The last line got lost; the sentence was supposed to end
"what good rules [might we] try to follow?"
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davidtg
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response 2 of 83:
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Mar 19 21:02 UTC 1994 |
offer freedom, but make sure that your children know that guidance is
available. In other words, let them make their own decisions, but do
your duty to make sure that they are informed.
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facelift
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response 3 of 83:
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Mar 19 22:31 UTC 1994 |
Treat your children as people and not as objects. Don't ever say "Your MY
child".
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other
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response 4 of 83:
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Mar 20 07:11 UTC 1994 |
Ahh, the old "your children are not your own" thing. An excellent piece from
"The Prophet" by Kalil Gibran.
Also excellent guidance in dealing with the fruit of thy loins.
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vidar
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response 5 of 83:
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Mar 20 14:52 UTC 1994 |
"Never give a Saxon an Even break,"
_Hagar the Horrible's Very Nearly Complete Viking Handbook_
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bdp
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response 6 of 83:
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Mar 20 16:47 UTC 1994 |
Help them to be self-assured (self-esteem is *really* important - lack of it
leads to a lot of problems) - also, help them to get "in touch" with the world
at a young age. Some parents like to hold on to their kids until they get
older, then they "release" them into the real world... kind of a shock.
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cicero
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response 7 of 83:
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Mar 21 07:05 UTC 1994 |
Teach responsability and respect for others from the very first. Children
need to start making decisions as soon as possible so they can be experienced
at it when those decisions start to really affect them. You will not always
be there to guide (or control) them, so you must teach them to guide themselves
well. Note however, that the above is not the same as leaving children to
their own devices. You must provide help and guidance, but do not tell
them what to think or how to feel. Remember that children are real people
not some other kind of beings. Try to remember how you felt as a child
be guided by the memories of those feelings. They are not invalid just
because you were younger when you felt them. Even though you are now a
parent and an "adult", you are not so far from childhood yourself. You should
be able to relate if you are willing to try.
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kami
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response 8 of 83:
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Mar 21 18:20 UTC 1994 |
I don't know why, but I tend to assume that people who are extremely intolerant
of children in public places must have been horrible brats- why else would
they have evidently forgotten they were ever kids?
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vidar
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response 9 of 83:
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Mar 21 19:49 UTC 1994 |
I think parents who take babies to movies are child abusers in a light
sense of words. They also annoy other viewers when the baby cries. I
think no child under the age of 5 should be taken to movies, or shopping
with his (I don't like gender specifics, but I want to be grammatically
correct.) parents. For the Gods' sakes get the kid a baby sitter!
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kaplan
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response 10 of 83:
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Mar 21 20:09 UTC 1994 |
Depends on the movie. I actually enjoyed watching a kid react to Fantasia
near me in the theater.
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vidar
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response 11 of 83:
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Mar 21 20:37 UTC 1994 |
Well, babies at movies are a definate no no.
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gracel
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response 12 of 83:
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Mar 21 21:20 UTC 1994 |
Re #7 -- I often try to go by that philosophy, on my better days.
Unfortunately, as time goes by, my almost-forty-year-old memories are
less helpful because my children are so *different* from what I was
like as a child (not only in their sex). I want to respect them as
they are (7 & 3 years old at the moment), and this is difficult when
their behavior makes so little sense to me, but they probably feel
the same way about me!
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scg
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response 13 of 83:
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Mar 22 03:53 UTC 1994 |
Give the children freedom to explore. Be careful that they don't get
seriously hurt, but don't be overprotective. I had the pretty much complete
run of my neighborhood when I was five, a thought that many parents would
cringe at. However, nothing bad ever happened, and I gained a lot of
confidence in the process. I would imagine that it is probably that parenting
style that allows me to be so independant today.
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other
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response 14 of 83:
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Mar 22 05:49 UTC 1994 |
unfortunately, the drawback to such freedom at such a young age is that
young children are especially easy targets for random criminal activity,
not all of which the child is capable of avoiding. we live in an era of
violence and danger much greater than even when I was small, and also greater
than when scg was five. (I'm 24)
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kami
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response 15 of 83:
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Mar 22 16:42 UTC 1994 |
I started taking Timothy out with us at the age of 2 weeks- no reason for me
to be imprisoned just because I have a kid; it's not a disease. Of course,
Michael and I each saw about half of many performances because we had to take
turns walking the baby. At some ages, Timothy would just sleep through a movie
but at others he wanted to "talk" to the screen so we didn't take him them.
Not everyone has money for or access to competent babysitting.
If you don't start socializing/ bringing out little ones quite early, they get
to be at least 5 before you can take them out at all. With the other approach,
as I say, you only miss out on small periods. Of course, you DO have to be
aware of, responsive to and responsible for your own kid to make it work...
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scg
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response 16 of 83:
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Mar 23 03:59 UTC 1994 |
Both neighborhoods I lived in at age five were safe neighborhoods, and the one
in Ann Arbor still is (I don't know anything about the present state of the
neighborhood I lived in in Palo Alto). As with anything, use good judgement.
./
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kami
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response 17 of 83:
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Mar 23 04:38 UTC 1994 |
I can't bear to teach my kids to fear their world- I'd rather do my best to
protect them and put them in safe situations so they can be free to explore.
Timothy, at 4, is allowed to go into our yard alone or to ride his bike on this
side of the block alone. By the end of the summer I hope he will be able to
go around the block or cross to the next block alone, but he does tend to be
fairly cautious. I wish we lived where I could send him into a corner store
to get a specific item or two; I think he'd love the adventure/responsibility.
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vishnu
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response 18 of 83:
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Mar 27 12:26 UTC 1994 |
Make sure that the child is not overprotected nor
taught to fear the world that he or she lives in.
It's all a balance between freedom and safety.
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popcorn
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response 19 of 83:
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Mar 27 12:40 UTC 1994 |
This response has been erased.
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kami
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response 20 of 83:
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Mar 28 18:27 UTC 1994 |
but, popcorn- didn't you WANT to be a "cute little thang" for the rest of your
life? :)
I wish my folks had taught me to control my own sugar intake- possibly using
some empirical evidence/controlled experiments, rather than doing it for me
by polemic, guilt and coersion. I might not have done myself so much harm in
high-school, either. But it's hard to watch a kid do something stupid without
intervening unless one has an absolute policy of non-intervention except in
life-or -death matters.
Vishnu, that's easy to say and an eternal struggle to do.
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orinoco
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response 21 of 83:
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Mar 31 15:09 UTC 1994 |
Be interested.
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lex
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response 22 of 83:
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Apr 3 20:05 UTC 1994 |
I think the real key has got to be giving your kids responsibility AND
treating them as if they are responsible and intelligent. Don't let
them off TOO easily because they're 'just kids'. Of course, this doesn't
mean you should expect them to be totally responsible, but the more you treat
someone as if they were responsible and intelligent enough to make their
own decisions, the more likely they are to act that way. My parents treated
me that way and I think that's why I don't do QUITE as many stupid things
as I see some other people my age doing (not that I'm completely free
of stupidity, I just try not to take stupid chances or do things I don't
really want to just because it'll be 'cool' or ruffle some feathers.)
But I do sometimes wish that my parents had asked me to take a little more
responsibility--not that I'm sure what kind. Somewhere between what I
ended up as, someone who's afraid of authority figures, strangers, and
things I haven't done before, and a friend of mine, who's super-responsible and
workaholic because when she was little she was doing a paper route and
ten thousand other things at once, there must be a good balance.
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kami
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response 23 of 83:
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Apr 4 05:22 UTC 1994 |
Thanks, lex, that about tallies with my views. Wish I knew better how to
begin giving responsibility, when and how much.
Do you think you are "afraid of authority figures, strangers, and things I
haven't done before" because of bad experience, too little experience, the
way your folks taught you or just by nature? What do you think could have
made you bolder?
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lex
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response 24 of 83:
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Apr 4 23:32 UTC 1994 |
Well, I'm really not sure. At all. I've tried and tried to figure that
out in hopes that I could avoid it when I have children, but I just don't
know. I'd like to help you out here, but... Well, no two children are
alike, just as no two parents are alike, and children anre not entirely
shaped by their parents (no matter how much we'd sometimes like to blame
them.) Maybe just make sure they know how to interact in social situations.
Sorry I can't be more helpful.
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