Schmidt/DeBoer Adoption Controversy: Whad'ya think?

Feb 17 14:18 UTC 1993

Has any else been following the Schmidt/DeBoer case with bated breathe, as i 
have?  What do you think?  What solution is in the child's best interest?

response 2 of 20:

Jul 10 19:47 UTC 1993

I guess what we all think is a mute point.  The case has been decided by the
courts (there is little chance that the Supreme Court will take the case)
and it is clear that Jessica will be returned to Iowa, will have her name
changed and will undergo all the trauma of "abandonment", loss, etc.

As much as I am against this outcome, I do wish the DeBOers had been able to
understand from the beginning the tenuous legal ground they were one.  It 
would have been in Jessica's best interest if they had permitted the child
access to the Schmidt's and vice versa so the child would not now be
having to live with total strangers.  Ever since Dan Schmidt started his
battle to get his biological daughter, the DeBoers knew that legally he
had a strong case and that ultimately, some relationship with the Schmidts
would have to exist.  Their denial was so strong, they lived in a semi
fantasy world and helped to deny Jessica an easier transition now.

Why is Dan Schmidt doing this?  The psychologists who evaluated him said he
was a fighter, a man who sees things in black and white, who wont let
"anything" that is his, be taken away from him.  He can give things up if
he wants to (eg his older daughter) but noone is going to take something from
him.  Jessica is probably an object to him.

response 4 of 20:

Jul 17 00:30 UTC 1993

Aaron,from my readings, and in spite of the fact that I strongly wish the
DeBoers to keep Jessica, they did not even permit *supervised* visits by
the Schmidts during all this time. 

response 6 of 20:

Jul 19 00:04 UTC 1993

Sometimes I subbordinate what I want to what I think is probably best for
someone else.  In this case, if they weren't heavily into denial, they had to
know there was a strong possibility Jessica would be court ordered to have some
contact with the Schmidts.  I would be concerned about the possibility of what
is actually happening, and I would not want my child traumatized by being sent
to live with total strangers.  If the visits wer supervised by the DeBoers or
by someone with positive ties to the DeBoers then Jessie couldnt have been
"taken."  Also the content of discussion could have been monitored.  

I know its all easier in hindsight, but in situations like this, we must be
capable of anticipation and we must really consider the best interests of a
minor child.  I also know I wouldnt have liked it, nor would it have been easy.

response 10 of 20:

Jul 23 20:03 UTC 1993

I am.

In any event, it appears that the DeBoers were allowing the Schmidts to
visit, but that the Schmidts balked when the DeBoers wanted to videotape
the visits.  The DeBoers claim that a psychologist told them that Jessica
might react better to the transition if she saw the Schmidt visits repeatedly
on videotape; the Schmidts claimed the DeBoers wanted to use the videotape
as propaganda against them.  (One can infer Jessica's reaction to the
Schmidts from their position....)

response 12 of 20:

Aug 9 20:24 UTC 1993

Sure.  Read #9.

response 14 of 20:

Aug 10 01:15 UTC 1993

It's not too hard to guess, but I try not to think about it.

response 16 of 20:

May 14 06:42 UTC 1994

Now that this has all passed, does anyone know how Jessica is doing w/the
Schmidts?  I know there was a report on TV not too long ago, but unfortunately
I missed it.  So I'm curious as to her adjustment, how she reacts to these
new people in her life, and where her "mommy and daddy" (as she knew them)
are now?  Have the DeBoers even had a chance to see her?  I'm very interested
in how this poor little girl's life has been disrupted.

response 18 of 20:

Jul 1 19:01 UTC 1994

latest reports are press releases from the Schmidts, and should be taken
with a grain(s) of salt.  The video I saw shows Anna pulling away from Dan
Schmidt, and not accepting his gestures of affection.

Anna is a tough little cookie, and will survive, but I feel vastly sorry her.

ps: my adopted son is almost exactly 1 month younger than Jessie/Anna,
so I'm not exactly an unbiased observer.

pps: anyone interested in discussing open adoption?

response 20 of 20:

Jul 2 08:14 UTC 1994

I did like the suggestion that Jessica "chose" to start calling Mr. Schmidt
"dad" after "only" a month.  Let's see....  I visited a divorce client, the
other day.  Her two-year-old child called me "dad" within half an hour....