Of friends, bits and bites

Apr 13 14:34 UTC 2000

As we are discussing friendship(s) and their ins and outs in the 
Oathbound Conference, this aspect hasn't been explored yet.

Since all of us like to abide their time behind our keyboards,
and be on line, I'd say it's about time to see when on line
friends become real friends and how.

And if the on line acquaintanceship is altered into a 
real life interaction, has this changed to attitude towards
the othe rperson? Has it deepened it or was social interaction
a bit of a disappointment?
So, could it be more sensible to leave things at bits and bites,
or will the real thing remain most desired thing to do, 
no matter what?

response 2 of 153:

Apr 14 22:30 UTC 2000

The thing of getting to know someone online is that, when you like this online
person, the curiosity grows to be able to put a face to that person. This,
of course can be achieved by mailing (or snailing if that comes up) a picture,
but still it's only a two dimensional representation of a snap moment of that
person.
At times the desire to meet arrives.
As many grexers will testify I have done that by crossing the Atlantic (twice)
and meet up with Grexers. At that point the social interaction comes into
views, for by no means you can know whether you'll like each other no matter
how much you like each other online. Still, there lies a challenge, as far
as I'm concerned, even when consiering things can end up with mentioned
disappointment.

In one case I started emailing with this woman and after two months we
decided to meet. The second time we met we became an item. A short lived item,
but very intense, and I still don't regret it. This case was a Dutch woman
working in Prague.

In another case a woman (seems very much I am on the dating prowl on line,
but this is not so, as I will tell you later on) mailed me in reaction to my
homepage, which is down currently but that's anothe rpoint. Anyway three days
later she was in Amsterdam and we had a night out, this was the beginning of
a friendship as we also said hello to the new millennium together. Since I
had vowed to do this at crossing the threshold I couldn't see any other option
than ask her to marry me. Fortunately she took it for the joke it was. (heheh)

Third case, also in reaction to my homepage, I got mail from an Indian guy.
One week later I showed him and his wife Amsterdam and hasd dinner together.
God, was he rich!

case four and five. meeting grexers. In case five I speny three weeks with
the perfect host. In that stretch of time she has made me feel welcome beyond
measure, and we also did a little bit of sightseeing which made us end up in
among others, the Grand canyon and Las Vegas.

Concluding I can say that actually meeting people on line hasn't lead to
severe disappointment, and I can tell you that being on line has, and still
does, mean a lot to me, as it is an excellent opportunity to get to learn a
lot about other cultures. In fact, it has broadened my views.

Living up to the concept of the world being a global village is in that
prospect simply a logical result of it.

So, with a few exceptions, in most cases my intuition hasn't failed me when
I decided that when I like this on line character I will also like the rwal
person.

response 4 of 153:

Apr 19 13:55 UTC 2000

Yup yup yup.  Plus, you don't get a lot of voice intonation online, so
confusion during communication can abound.

response 6 of 153:

Apr 25 16:24 UTC 2000

        For the most part, I'm different on the counts you've listed.  

        I haven't had the greatest experiences meeting GREXers.  There are,
of course, several very noteworthy exceptions, but most of the GREX functions,
and especially those without one factor or another to mitigate who shows up,
have been fairly scary.  The best explanation that I can come up with is that
they're like being in a group of people who all want to talk - but not a one
of them wants to talk to each other.

        I've had similar experiences with some of Pagandom and almost all of
sci-fi fandom.  I'm guessing that I really don't have the social program to
deal with some kinds of people.

response 8 of 153:

Apr 26 22:23 UTC 2000

True.
Maybe for me as an 'outsider' from a basically different culture it is
different. My meeting up with people had lead to interesting encounters to
say the least, without any intention of being offensive.
It can be unnerving to meet some on line character that is entirely different
from what you expected, for better or worse. But without doing it you'll
always wonder what and how. I'd rather take a chance.

response 10 of 153:

Apr 28 22:47 UTC 2000

You won't hear names from me.
It all boils down down to chemistry in the end when real life contact is
established. With some people you connect, with others you don't.
That part of interaction lacks in on line contacts. Then again one could view
it like this: being on line at least doesn't suffer from intereference between
people, like coughs, tics etc, the sound of the voice that turns out to be
something entirely different etc.
Another thing  that can be unnerving is this: one always tends to picture
somebody one is on line with. If the other party turns out to be very unlike
the mental picture, this can be unnerving.

LIme I said, it isn't my aim to be offensive, it just is a fact social life.
IThe challenge of meeting on lin epeople remains.

response 12 of 153:

May 8 14:35 UTC 2000

        Everyone who is somewhere is there for one reason or another.  The
reason may not be what they say it is, and they may not even be conscious of
the reason.

        Speculating as to what the reasons are, either for certain people, or
for groups, can be interesting, but shouldn't be taken too far.

response 14 of 153:

May 9 02:44 UTC 2000

*perks a confused brow*

response 16 of 153:

Aug 1 12:35 UTC 2000

Excellent point, Chris.

I think we've covered this point, but people can also present 
themselves much different online then they do in real life.  For 
instance, take someone who has a learning disability and can't spell to 
save thier life- someone might think them dumb- yet in real life they 
are very articulate.

And I've lost where my point is going (hazards of grexing from work) 
I'll try to elaborate my point later, if I can find it again. (heh, 
interesting typo made point-pint... I think elaborating on a pint later 
would be good as well...)

response 18 of 153:

Aug 1 13:52 UTC 2000

        "Bandwidth of communication" - a reference to Tor Norretranders, by
any chance?

        The point is well taken that online communication is one *mode* of
communication, and that one person may communicate very well in, say,
individual conversation, but may communicate very poorly online, the same
way that they may communicate poorly when speaking to a group or when
writing a formal letter, but be careful not to stretch the point to the
degree in which Willard does to justify hundreds of garbage posts in Agora.
Whatever the mode of communication, whatever the persona that a person
choosed to adopt or to role play, the thoughts and words that proceed from
their mouth, or their fingers, in this case, are their own and at best a
subset of their overall personality.  Someone who's a twit in Agora,
hypothetically speaking, has some part of the twit in them at all times,
even if they don't express it.

response 20 of 153:

Aug 1 14:33 UTC 2000

        For example, Sarah is properly formatted IRL. :)

response 22 of 153:

Aug 1 17:44 UTC 2000

I think he means that your best formatted for irl rather than online. 
<grins>  Which isn't an insult by any means.

Me... well, I know I've given a few people the wrong idea online, both 
of who I am and of my temper. <chuckles> That also happens irl too.  
Though irl I appear to be more of a doormat and online I am much 
feistier (is that a real word?).  I think the 'truth' (if you will) is 
more of a combination of me.  

Both irl and online present limited views of a person.  Only time spent 
in either 'place,' or perhaps both in some cases, can expand upon that 
view.

response 24 of 153:

Aug 1 18:59 UTC 2000

<giggles> You finish sentences here... and online it's impossible to, 
just by reading, get an impression of how fast you talk... Especially 
when you go into Birdyspeak. <grins>