Blowing Others off

Dec 28 01:36 UTC 1995

Hello, I have a Q for people to see if some one can help me understand this.

Why do people blow others off if they call them their friend?
I mean, if they call you friend, then in my oppinion, your friends,
right? And if your not a persons friend, and that's why they
do that, blow you off that is, then why do these people call you 
friend?  Maybe I'm missing something here but that's my oppinion. 

Here's another Q for ya.  If they'er not doing it on perpus, how can you tell
them what they'er doing if you've said something befor? I mean I'm feeling
like I'm being treated in a maner that these people just don't wish
to deal with it, and if this is the case, why are they?

response 2 of 33:

Dec 28 18:20 UTC 1995

Well Ok.
Lets say someone made plans with you and at a drop og
a hat, blow you off and left with another person.  
Or, lets say your willing to do anything for your 'friends' but
when you need soemthing, no ones there. 
Or lets say you listen to everyones problums but when you have one, and
need to talk to some one, everyones busy and has no time for you.

What do you do?

response 4 of 33:

Dec 29 17:36 UTC 1995

It sounds to me like your describing fair weather friends. Take them at face
value only--don't expect anything from them, but also don't give them parts
of you that are personal and private. Save these things for "true" friends.
They are harder to find, but when you do find them, you'll know just what they
are. I've experienced this situation many times and have learned to make the
most of it, but I've also learned not to rely on these people either.

response 6 of 33:

Dec 30 09:03 UTC 1995

        If you really want to know what a guy who's been on both sides of it
thinks ... and I think I've finally got shit of this nature figured out after
so many years of fucking it up consistently and a few screwed up relationships
that further confused things ... then here it is, but I'll warn you
beforehand, it's ugly.

        People are human.  Insofar as this explanation goes, that works out
to mean:

        (1)  Ninety percent of the time people interpret your actions and your
words in the context of their own definitions and their own perceptions.  A
sacrifice that means a great deal to you can mean little or nothing to someone
else - especially if you're always doing it - and a tiny gesture can mean
volumes.  I learned this again late last year - in how a simple gesture of
friendship really beat the shit out of someone I cared for because I'd never
given that specific gesture to them - even though I'd trusted them with (and
they lost) the most valuable thing I'd ever owned.

        (2)  People are human and sometimes people piss each other off. 
Mathematics tells you that this increases over time.  There's no one on this
earth I could spend a complete day with without getting at least slightly
annoyed - and no social faux paus I probably couldn't forgive in someone that
I only saw once in a year.

        (3)  People have a hard time telling people The Hard Truth, especially
when it comes to one person annoying another.  The problem here is that if
you don't tell someone when they're being human and you're being human and
you're getting on each other's nerves, it can blow up.  The worst problems
I've ever had with anyone or anything is when things just didn't get said -
and the only irreconcilable problems were when someone and I weren't speaking.

        (4)  People don't forget strange things (see #1).  If there's no
communication - or no good communication - this can get really fucked really
fast.

        In short, the practical thing to do is to take anyone blowing you off
as a sign that you need to back off - for any of a dozen reasons you can
extraplorate from those above someone doesn't want to spend time with you -
and that's not necessarily bad.  Lord knows I've had to deliberately take time
away from people I am in love with just because I was getting overloaded -
because people do that.  Give them space for a while and then talk honestly
- let 'em know what you've felt and why and listen to them.  Never fails.

response 8 of 33:

Dec 31 14:56 UTC 1995

        Sorry, I think I've got some Russian novelist blood in me somewhere
...

response 10 of 33:

Jan 1 20:44 UTC 1996

Hmmm....
   Here are my thoughts on this subject, and I will attempt to keep it short:
   People are people. Friends are people who you have things in common with.
Friends are people who you enjoy spending time with. Friends are people you
tell your thoughts to and who share things with you. Acquiantances are people
who are hi-bye and fair weather friends.
   Sometimes, friends need time for themselves. Sometimes the world becomes
too much for people and they need to crawl off for a little while. THis
doesn't mean they don't care about you or that they are trying to blow you
off. It simply means they need some time to themselves.
  Basic, I would suggest talking to your friends, let them know how you feel,
but also try to understand when they explain their behaviour. Try to keep in
mind that this is your friend you are talking to, and that as your friend,
they are entitled to be on the same ground as you are. Although you are hurt,
remember that your friend may be too, and there might be something bothering
them as well. Keep a cool head, and always remember to treat your friends
differently than you would just a person off the street.

response 12 of 33:

Jan 3 14:07 UTC 1996

There are ways to tell someone you care about the truth without hurting too
much--tact. I think it's great that we can share these thoughts and ideas on
a forum like grex--I see it as renewing the art of communication! There's been
some really insightful comments made here which may just help someone.

response 14 of 33:

Jan 5 05:44 UTC 1996

I am not sure I understand that last comment.

response 16 of 33:

Jan 27 08:36 UTC 1996

*comfort freida*

response 18 of 33:

Jan 28 23:52 UTC 1996

*send Freida several thousand hair dryers*

response 20 of 33:

Jan 29 21:43 UTC 1996

*freida ponders how to hook several thousand hair dryers to the electric pole*

response 22 of 33:

Jan 30 03:12 UTC 1996

Me me me. ;)

response 24 of 33:

Jan 30 14:29 UTC 1996

we'll be sending telepathic msgs to the gas truck to get there before the next
storm hits on Friday. At least they say we are more than halfway through
winter now! Spring will be here before you know it!