Old Friends and New Friends, Endings and Beginnings....

Jul 18 02:10 UTC 1995

    One of the things that can kill even the best of friendships is time.  I a
sure we have all had friends when we were little, or at different points in
our lives, that we lost because we changed and grew and became different
people.
 I have had friends when I was in my teens that I distanced myself from becaus
I think I felt like I had changed, and felt like they still saw me for who
I used to be instead of what I became.  The problem being that even if I felt
different about myself, those certain friends I began to think would never
see me or percieve me in any other way than as the person I was when I was 10
or 12 or 14.

    Ultimately I could not see myself the way I wanted to, as in being
more mature and worldly, if I was friends with the same people treating
me the same way they did before.  Maybe it was that they knew me too well,
had seen all my changes, so I actually felt less secure, like I had nothing
to hide!

   So I told myself that since we had fewer common experiences, they could
no longer understand *completely* where I was coming from.  And so I
found different friends, and it helped me maintain a different self-image
than what I grew up with.  But the sad thing is that with my new friends,
I didnt share a past, and at times I found myself misperceived or
misunderstood because they (my new friends) knew me at that moment, but
didnt know where I came from or how I got there.

    Eventually I realized that the person I had become was not all that
different than the person that I was, and that you can change many things
about who you are but you will always retain your essential self.  But
the sad thing is that I cant have those old friendships back the way they
were.....I can still be friendly with these people, but what we had as kids
is gone forever.

     Self-realization can be a lonely process sometimes.  I know  I may
never be friends with anyone who knew me as well as my old best friends did. I
have new friends who are very dear to me, but part of me is always shrouded
always hidden.  And that part is that which we can only show at certain
times in our life.  We are never quite as open or innocent again as we
were as kids, before the world beats into our heads that we are different.

    Anyway we all have regrets, and things we have to live with, and
choices we make.  Ultimately, I wouldnt trade my new friends for my
old friends.  But life can be sad sometimes..........RJW

response 2 of 90:

Jul 18 23:32 UTC 1995

  I think the point I was trying to make with this entry is that certain
things are going to happen inevitably as a result of growing up...but
one should never forget how important those old friendships are and
should never risk losing them if at all possible.  Because you'll regret
it soon enough, maybe not right away but you will.


   Friendships are too valuable.  *wink*

response 4 of 90:

Jul 24 14:20 UTC 1995

  In reading your original entry, I found myself transported back to the 
middle of my high school career. Your entry, Kerouac, brought up a lot of
things I have not thought about since I was a junior in high school. I think
your original entry has a lot of very healthy emotional realizations and I
find myself agreeing with most of it. However, I find myself at odds with
your reply to adania's remark. And so now, I find myself wanting to give my
own interpretation of friendship...
   Friends are what you wake up for. Friends are why you are who you are.
Friends are what make you who you are. Friends comfort us when life seems to
be too much for us. Friends are there when we trip ourselves and take a huge
fall. *phooey....help seeker...I will finish this...*  *pout*

response 6 of 90:

Jul 25 18:40 UTC 1995

Wow.  You totally hit the nail on the head.
That was just right.

response 8 of 90:

Jul 25 22:55 UTC 1995

Hmmm.... And how does the 'new kid' 'hear the story'
so that the new kid may understand?

response 10 of 90:

Jul 27 04:15 UTC 1995

Freindship is such a demanding thing.  It requires so much attention and
upkeep.  sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to try and be friendly and it might
just be easier to be a recluse.

response 12 of 90:

Jul 27 16:22 UTC 1995

Yha.  Sometimes.

response 14 of 90:

Jul 27 19:35 UTC 1995

Well, that's who your true friends are, the ones who are truly worth it. They
are worth the pain and agitation you go through to find out if they are worth
it.
Right, Anney. :)

response 16 of 90:

Jul 28 13:53 UTC 1995

Yes. Decisions like that are always painful. :(

response 18 of 90:

Aug 7 13:47 UTC 1995

Sadly and with much regret, Odye, I must say that I do not.
*sigh*

response 20 of 90:

Aug 8 13:21 UTC 1995

I am jealous of you all because I wish I had one friend who I knew my entire
life. Bt alas, I do not. :(

response 22 of 90:

Aug 9 02:16 UTC 1995

  This is a true story.  When I was a senior in college in georgia, I ran
into this girl on campus who was yelling at me from across a parking lot.  I
had never seen this girl before but she swore she recognized me.  Anyway
I asked from where she claimed to know me.  She said we went to school
together.  I said were you in one of my classes last year?  She said
no, we were classmates together in Virginia.
   Now I *knew* she was mistaken because I lived in Georgia, hadnt lived
in Virginia since I was seven years old.  "Dont you remember? We went
to kindegarten together"  Anyway, bizzarre as it sounds, a check of facts
showed we had IN FACT lived in the same small town in another state when
we were both five, and had IN FACT attended the same pre-school.  This girl
was one of those people who has a freakish photographic memory, and though
she obviously didnt remember my name, was quite certain of who I was.  .
    Its weird the things people remember sometimes.  You never know who
you might run into on the street.  Incidents like that one cause me to
think maybe we ARE all subject to fate.  I mean this girl wasnt even a
student at my school, she was visiting a friend on her way to somewhere
else and our being on the same parking lot at the same time was likely the
only time in our lives we would have ever crossed paths.  But we did...so
I wonder.....

  p.s. the girl called me some time later, and said she called the church
  that housed the kindegarten we went to, and had them check the records.
  The names were listed alphabetically, and ours were right next to each
 other on the class roll.  So we're friends now, seventeen years later.

response 24 of 90:

Aug 10 13:36 UTC 1995

Kerouac- That girl really isn't a rare occurance. I have the same kind of
memory. As a matter of fact, just the other day I was at the NAC, and one of
my friends pointed to a young gentleman and whispered in my ear, "He thinks 
he knows you..." To which I promptly replied of course and proceeded to tell 
the gy his name, where he sat in relation to me in class and what he was 
planning on doing with his life last time I saw him and his last words to me
before I moved away, five years ago.
    It is hard for me to walk p to people like that because most of the time,
I am the only one who remembers. *shrug*