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| Author |
Message |
freida
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Friend or Aquaintance?
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Jun 1 03:21 UTC 1995 |
ok...since I am new, I will enter a new item...
I have a lot of people that I know, but I have very few friends. While I
am friendly with a lot of people, my true friends are limited. Any of you
who make the same distinction? What makes a true friend for you and what
keeps a person in the realm of aquaintance?
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| 39 responses total. |
val
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response 1 of 39:
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Jun 1 12:44 UTC 1995 |
I do the same thing. All throughout high school i only had 3 "friends"
even tho i was friendly with many other people. I have more friends
in college, but i still have the distinction between friend and
people i'm friendly with.
The main distinction i have is how much the people put up with me.
I expect a friend to listen to all my troubles, and I would do the
same for them. But i dont expect that from and aquaintance.
I also think of my friends first, when i want to go out or do something.
There's more, but i cant express it right now.
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kerouac
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response 2 of 39:
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Jun 2 01:21 UTC 1995 |
I think that it is very easy to "like" people, but is much more
difficult to truly care for someone. That takes an emotional commitment.
If you care for someone and what happens to them as much as or more than you
about yourself, then you are a true friend. True friends stand by you, and
most importantly they never let what anyone else thinks change their
opinion of you.
Acquaintances can be very easy to come by, anybody you meet walking down
the street or in grex with its party conf, can be one. But true friendships
are rare and should be cherished.
What can be just as painful as anything is when you want to be a true
friend to someone and its not reciprocated.
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freida
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response 3 of 39:
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Jun 2 05:41 UTC 1995 |
Thanks *chuckle* that is just the kind of thing I was looking for! I agree
with you, kerouac, it can be pretty painful if you really try to be a friend
and and then find out that the other thinks of you as just an aquaintance.
While I have many aquaintances, I only have 2 friends...so far! I hope to
change that, but we'll see...
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eeyore
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response 4 of 39:
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Jun 5 14:39 UTC 1995 |
i'm sortof the same way...i've got (actually at this point, quite a few)
friends,but i mostly tend to be just friendly to the rest of the world.
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sun
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response 5 of 39:
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Jun 10 19:43 UTC 1995 |
I think it has been said before (I know it has actually) but Anne is my
BEST friend of all. She has been through it all with me. She will be there
forever (I hope)
But as for other friends, I try and be a friend to everyone. not many people
get on my nerves. But there are a few. I have tried to keep in touch with my
friends from high school. They were a VERY important part of my life...I mean
they taught me how to play euchre! <heh...you know who youare!!!!>
I have very few aquaintences, and more friends. if I loose touch with a
person, then I am sad.t( But on the other hand, I am a bit too forgiving, and
people can walk all over me, and I forgive them, for fear of loosing a friend.
It is a dangerous thing....
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anne
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response 6 of 39:
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Jun 11 17:47 UTC 1995 |
Friends can be hard to come by... I am friendly with many many people, or
at least I try to be. But I have a hard time letting people get too
close to me for fear of getting hurt. Right now I feel really lucky to
have so many people that I can truly call friend. Sun and I have been
friends forver, and we will be (don't worry sunny, we've made it this
long without doing each other permanent bodily harm.... ;) )
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bhelliom
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response 7 of 39:
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Jun 12 14:50 UTC 1995 |
Just wait kerouac :)
I suppose sun, that one must learn who simply not to trust. Even some
of my best friends I choose not to tell them certain things, simply because
they are prone to gossip. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just incovenien
t when there's certain things you don't want people to know. I'm sorry
to say I have only one friend who know's when to keep their mouth shut, but
that doesn't really make her any better that my other friends.
I suppose the difference between friends and acquaintences (or one of them)
is the things which keep you together, what you have in common. I knew
someone who I always used to eat lunch with, and we'd get
along capitally. When she went on a diet though and stopped eating there,
it's like we no longer had anything in common. If it's something rather
petty and insignificant that keeps you taking to each other, and nothing really
concrete, and the slightest change erases it completely, then chances are you
aren't really friends.
Also friends know how much the other can put up with. I know of someone that I
have known since high school, but she still doesn't know--or chooses to
ignore--how much I can truly tolerate. This is beyond giving someone the
benefit of the doubt because they are your friends. One has to know when
enough is enough. If they can gice you that, then just how much of a friend
are they. My guess is you're just convenient for him or her to be there when
they need you. I sort of sad really . . .Especially when you outgrow your
friends. The more you mature, the more irriatating your less mature friends
tend to become, if the growning up they ha have to do should've been done a
LONG LONG time ago.
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odye
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response 8 of 39:
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Jun 24 19:25 UTC 1995 |
I'd have to throw in and agree with kerouac and freida...
Trying to be a friend and not have it reciprocated can truly suck...
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jemart
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response 9 of 39:
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Jun 25 17:42 UTC 1995 |
yeah.. I know you try to get along and be someone`s friend have them just
ignore you is a pain...
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birdlady
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response 10 of 39:
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Jun 27 17:30 UTC 1995 |
<birdlady shivers at the cold front>
I just say "to hell with 'em" if they don't reciprocate. That used to hurt
me deeply since I'm a nice person by nature, but I can't stand being hurt if
I don't deserve it.
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freida
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response 11 of 39:
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Jun 29 01:18 UTC 1995 |
Or how about those "friends" who only call when they need something from you?
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jemart
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response 12 of 39:
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Jul 4 05:43 UTC 1995 |
those aren`t friends or aquaitences freida...they`re relatives....
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adania
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response 13 of 39:
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Jul 7 01:33 UTC 1995 |
i have had problems with people wanting to be more friendly than I want to be
so I want to say from the other side of the situation mentioned in #8-10, that
it can be hard to let someone know that you don't really want to be their
friend when they seem to be desperate for freindship, without hurting them.
You can try so hard not to hurt them and they just get hurt more.
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odye
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response 14 of 39:
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Jul 10 00:50 UTC 1995 |
Exactl, Adania. I understand what you are saying. I've learned, as
twisted as it seems, that being up front, while brutal, is often
the most effective. Of course, making sure that you have
read the situation right first is important..... Else you
end up looking pretty egotistical and embarrassed... : )
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adania
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response 15 of 39:
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Jul 10 02:41 UTC 1995 |
TYeah, the problem is when you think you have been completely up-front and
explained yourself perfectly and you find out that it was all wither either
completely ignored or was not understood. /..
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signet
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response 16 of 39:
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Nov 8 14:24 UTC 1995 |
several months later...
I have a similar situation in my single's group at church. Some of the people
can be the most two-faced people you ever met; others are just down right rude
and ignore you. I joined the group not expecting anything from anybody. I was
pleasantly surprised with some of the people who are my friends now. Others
reinforced the two-faced and rudeness factors. I know to avoid these people
and don't let them get to me. I know not to go out of my way for them because
I know they wouldn't for me. Luckily, not everybody in the group is in
two-faced and/or rude, but certain people who aren't so prevalent now made
new comers feel very unwelcome. At least some of us stuck it out anyway, and
now the group is evolving away from those people.
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morgayn
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response 17 of 39:
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Nov 8 19:48 UTC 1995 |
Two faced people really make the world a difficult place.
But without them, would we really truly appreciate those that aren't?
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jazz
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response 18 of 39:
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Dec 7 06:14 UTC 1995 |
I've seen some pretty shallow people in my day, but I think the
shallowest of them still has the capacity to differentiate between people that
they get along with and friends. Anyone who wants to keep a job has to - you
can't be friends with everyone you work with, but you have to get along well,
be able to eat and joke with, at least a majority of them.
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signet
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response 19 of 39:
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Dec 8 14:26 UTC 1995 |
I see two-facedness as someone who you don't necessarily work with but know
through something (e.g., church, class, etc.). They will say one thing like
I really like that shirt you are wearing. And then you hear them say to
another, Don't you hate that shirt so-and-so is wearing. I know a lot of woman
that do this, esp. when it comes to other women. They are all sweet and polite
to males, but the claws come out with other females.
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jazz
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response 20 of 39:
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Dec 9 13:22 UTC 1995 |
Theres a tendency to have two hearts and two minds when it comes to
anything that one has strong emotions about ... despicable hman quality, that
... like anyone famous who has the ability to transcend social conventions
that we do not agree with - people generally admire and empathize with the
struggle and the success they have met, but as they have not done so for
themselves, they are also envious of their success.
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morgaene
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response 21 of 39:
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Jan 1 20:19 UTC 1996 |
Interesting perspective, Jazz....
People who are two-faced, in my opinion, have one of two reasons for what
they are doing. They either think they will gain something from it, or they
are doing it because they are jealous of something.
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jazz
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response 22 of 39:
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Jan 2 04:04 UTC 1996 |
Heh. When I'm deliberately two-faced it's for other reasons ... trying
to be nice because I *want* to me nice, to someone I'd much rather pummel,
ferinstance. But that's just the positive stuff. :)
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signet
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response 23 of 39:
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Jan 3 13:54 UTC 1996 |
I consider that just be civil, not necessarily being two faced.
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morgaene
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response 24 of 39:
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Jan 5 05:40 UTC 1996 |
Okay. I guess I just don't really grasp the concept of deliberate
two-facedness.
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