response 1 of 79:

Aug 27 16:53 UTC 1996

Subject: Funny but true?!

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as
Ke-kou-ke-la.  Unfortunately, the Coke company did not
discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that
the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse
stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect.  Coke then
researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close
phonetic equivalent,"ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely
translated as "happiness in the mouth."

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive
with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring
your ancestors back from the dead."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan
"finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling
Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When
smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to
be free and empty."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South
America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it
won't go."  After the company figured out why it wasn't
selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish
markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto
flopped.  The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang
for "tiny male genitals".  Ford pried all the nameplates off
and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its
ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and
embarrass you."  However, the company mistakenly thought
the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass.  Instead the ads
said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit.  Instead of
the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed
"I Saw the Potato."

Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to
make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another
Spanish translation.  A photo of Perdue with one of his birds
appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained
"It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French
Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in
slang, means "big breasts."  In this case, however, the
name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the
name of a notorious porno mag.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated
the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it
entered English-speaking markets and began receiving
requests for unusual sex tours.  Upon finding out why, the
owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly
continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was
devised to extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up
qualities.  Hence the slogan, "Orange juice.  It gets your pecker up."

response 3 of 79:

Aug 28 07:26 UTC 1996

Well, I can only comment on the Spanish ones, but "embarazar"
most definitely means "to make pregnant".  It does originally
come from the same Latin root as our own word "embarass", but
is never used that way now.  If you want to express embarassment
in Spanish, you say "I have shame".  (I was taught this in
high school, I'm shocked that none of the ad people realized
what they were saying.)

The word for Pope (Papa) is exactly the same as the word for
potato (papa) except for the capitalization.  That's probably
a very common typo in Spanish, and would only warrant a giggle
at most.

The problems with the Chevy Nova's name in Spanish are pretty
well known.  "No va" does indeed mean "It doesn't go".

My favorite mix-up for an international ad, though, has to be the
one for the dishwashing liquid (can't remember which, sorry) which
didn't use words at all.  On the left side of the billboard was
a sink filled with dirty dishes.  In the middle was a bottle of the
product.  On the right was a rack of clean dishes.  Can't possibly
be misinterpreted, right?  Well, this billboard was used in Israel, where
the national language is read - you guessed it - right to left.
Passers-by were quite confused as to how this product would make
their dishes dirty, and why anyone would want to do so...

response 5 of 79:

Aug 28 16:17 UTC 1996

I don't know about Israeli car dashboards or the like, but I do know
that the art in Israeli comic books is *always* flipped on the vertical
axis, since that's the direction they read things in.  (For fun,
try reading a Japanese comic book and see how well any of it makes
sense until you realize that their panel layout is also done from
right to left, and that all English translations of Japanese comics
are also flipped along the vertical axis.)

I am curious about the cars, though.

response 7 of 79:

Aug 28 16:59 UTC 1996

Another one of these from right here in our area:  When channel 4 news anchor
Mort Crim came to Detroit, they put up billboards around the area *and* in
Windsor with his picture and first name "Mort".  Recall that Canada is
ostensibly a bilingual nation.  And in French "mort" would be the word you'd
use to refer to something of the masculine gender being dead.  So francophiles
got a chuckle out of seeing a billboard announcing that someone was dead.  :-)

response 9 of 79:

Jan 6 19:26 UTC 1997

Subject: A Study in Semantics and Syntax

Let's face it-English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English
muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that
you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you
call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps
you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on
parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as
hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a
sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone
who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all
those people who *are* spring chickens or who would *actually* hurt a
fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I
start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

response 11 of 79:

Jan 13 07:12 UTC 1997

These came to me via the CLOCKS mailinglist.

>CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n.  The act, when vacuuming,
>of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
>reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
>down to give the vacuum one more chance.
>
>DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.  To sterilize the piece of candy you
>dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
>remove all the germs.
>
>ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n.  A rescue vehicle which can only be seen
>in the rear view mirror.
>
>EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n.  Gangly people sitting in front of you
>at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
>
>ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n.  The actions of two people maneuvering for
>one armrest in a movie theater.
>
>ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n.  The mistaken notion that
>the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
>
>FRUST (frust) n.  The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
>onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
>finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
>
>LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.  Manhandling the
>"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
>to the 'illegal' side.
>
>PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n.  The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
>purpose is walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
>
>PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.  The affliction of dialing a phone number
>and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
>
>PUPKUS (pup' kus) n.  The moist residue left on a window after a dog
>presses its nose to it.
>
>TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.  The act of always
>letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
>you're only six inches away.
>
>

response 13 of 79:

Jan 14 06:00 UTC 1997

I hadn't heard that term before. Does it define a process of creating
new words?

response 15 of 79:

Nov 17 01:52 UTC 1997

The idea, I think, is that they're made-up terms for things that didn't
formerly have words to describe them.

response 19 of 79:

May 6 15:00 UTC 1998

An Anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing
or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.  
The following examples are quite astounding!

Dormitory        ==         Dirty Room
Evangelist       ==         Evil's Agent
Desperation      ==         A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code   ==         Here Come Dots
Slot Machines    ==         Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity        ==         Is No Amity
Mother-in-law    ==         Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms    ==         Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness    ==         Genuine Class
Semolina         ==         Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point  ==         I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes  ==         That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two  ==         Twelve plus one
Contradiction    ==         Accord not in it

This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in
the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
||
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent
hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

Politicians:

George Herbert Walker Bush == Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
George Bush                == He bugs Gore
Ronald Wilson Reagan       == A long-insane Warlord (or Insane Anglo warlord)
Ronald Reagan              == A darn long era
Leroy Newton Gingrich      == Yon Right-winger Clone
Margaret Thatcher          == That great charmer
The Conservative Party     == Teacher in vast poverty

And the grand finale:

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."
        -- Neil A.  Armstrong
||
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon!  
On to Mars!

response 21 of 79:

Sep 17 11:03 UTC 1998

Someone who sent that to me a while back added her own favorite:
Cogito ergo spud
I think, therefore I yam.

OK, so it changed one character into 2 (or 2 into 3).

response 23 of 79:

Jan 29 00:35 UTC 1999

1)  "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said, dolefully.
2)  "I really like sucking on lemons," Bill said to his aide.
3)  "That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said, offhandedly.
4)  "I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside himself.
5)  "That's the third electric shock I've gotten this week!" 
    Tom said, revolted.
6)  "I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.
7)  "I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.
8)  "That car you sold me has defective steering!" 
    Tom said, straightforwardly.
9)  "I've been on a diet," Tom expounded.
10) "I'll have to send that telegram again," Tom said, remorsefully.
11) "I keep banging my head on things," Tom said, bashfully.
12) "Look at that jailbird climb down that wall," 
    Tom observed with condescension.
13) "I remember the midwest being flatter than this," Tom explained.
14) "I love the Rocky Mountains!" Tom said bolder than ever.
15) "That's the third time my teacher changed my grade," Tom remarked.
16) "I'll have to dig another ditch around that castle," Tom sighed, remotely.
17) "I've lived through a lot of windstorms," Tom regaled.
18) "I haven't caught a fish all day!" Tom said, without debate.
19) "That mink coat is on wrong side out," Tom inferred.
20) "Thanks for helping me look for the weasel that stole my fur coat!"
    Tom extolled.