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| Author |
Message |
bhelliom
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Reciprocity
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Jul 18 16:49 UTC 2002 |
A single person only has so much energy to put into the big wide world
out there. A good portion of it is spent on everything but maintaining
personal connections, thus making the amount of energy people have to
form and maintain bonds smaller, more precious, and more worth
receiving.
How do you define reciprocity in relationships, be they between friends,
lover, siblings, etc.? Receiving the same amount of energy that one puts
out is not a given feature of all. Is it a necessary component? Is it
even a reasonable expectation to require as much "energy" from those you
care about as you expend on their behalf?
How does equally and unequally balanced relationships effect us as
individuals as well as within a larger community of people?
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| 27 responses total. |
gelinas
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response 1 of 27:
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Jul 19 04:52 UTC 2002 |
No, it's not a reasonable expectation. Nor is it necessary.
I don't think much about reciprocity. I probably should, though.
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clees
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response 2 of 27:
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Jul 19 07:07 UTC 2002 |
I am not sure.
Sometimes I get the impression I put more energy in maintaining
friendships than my friends. It saddens me every now and then.
On the other hand, somebody has to keep the fire burning.
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mynxcat
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response 3 of 27:
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Jul 19 14:10 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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bhelliom
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response 4 of 27:
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Jul 19 15:25 UTC 2002 |
It all depends on the relationship. Certainly there are some out there
that will end up needing you more than you need them. And you yourself
may give more than you receive. But I do believe that a certainly level
of reciprocity is fair to be expected or wished for, and not necessarily
brought about by the input/output ratio of all of your relationships.
Neither is it a selfish concern.
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mynxcat
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response 5 of 27:
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Jul 19 15:47 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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bhelliom
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response 6 of 27:
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Jul 22 14:15 UTC 2002 |
It really depends on what type of relationship you wish it to be.
People that have more balanced relationships may think the way you do.
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bhelliom
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response 7 of 27:
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Jul 22 14:16 UTC 2002 |
And if the other person is putting as much of an effort into it, then
how worth it is it?
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mynxcat
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response 8 of 27:
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Jul 22 15:03 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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mooncat
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response 9 of 27:
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Jul 22 18:07 UTC 2002 |
It could also be a timing issue. Perhaps the person who seems to be
putting less in is really just in a horrible time crunch (for many
reasons) and eventually when those things get better will have more of
an ability to put 'more in' so to speak.
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mynxcat
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response 10 of 27:
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Jul 22 18:34 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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bhelliom
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response 11 of 27:
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Jul 23 14:50 UTC 2002 |
See, I think you may be looking at my question too literally. I don't
mean that one person has to call the other as often, or that materially
one must show that they think this relationship is as important as you
do. Also, it has nothing to do with how much "time" you have for each
other. If that were the case, then I'd have fewer friends that I do
currently.
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mynxcat
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response 12 of 27:
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Jul 23 15:07 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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bhelliom
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response 13 of 27:
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Jul 23 15:57 UTC 2002 |
No problem. You mentioned that even though your friend is "lazy(?),"
you knew you could count on him if you needed his help? There are some
folks out there that do nothing abut suck up your energy and never give
you that support in return. That's part of it.
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mynxcat
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response 14 of 27:
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Jul 23 17:37 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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jaklumen
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response 15 of 27:
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Jul 24 05:57 UTC 2002 |
I knew someone that sucked and sucked and sucked.. so my wife and I
didn't stay connected to her for very long. It was draining. I
understand being depressed and all, but I don't think it's right to
just latch on and leech off of one person.. harder still was when she
didn't want to attend social activities with us and such.
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clees
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response 16 of 27:
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Jul 24 09:54 UTC 2002 |
If I don't get enough feedback in a relationship (friendship) I start
fidgetting and fretting. I become insecure about the thing. In time it
erects a threshold almost impossible to cross.
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jazz
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response 17 of 27:
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Jul 26 23:09 UTC 2002 |
If there's a formula, then it's a damned complicated one, for how I
handle reciprocity. I don't keep score, that much is for sure, so much as
I look for people who attempt to abuse reciprocity.
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bhelliom
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response 18 of 27:
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Jul 29 19:16 UTC 2002 |
The idea of keeping tally, you mean? Someone who gets all bent out of
shape if you don't "pay them back" everytime they do something for you?
I don't know if thre is a formula, per se. I know that there are some
relationships in which I feel as if I am receiving more than I am
giving, and the exact opposite in other relationships. They may cancel
each other out to a certain degree, if these are relationships in which
you place an equal importance. However, I hope there is some point at
which I would be able to be there for that other person. I try my best
to give back where I can, though not for the purpose of keeping score.
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mynxcat
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response 19 of 27:
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Jul 29 19:33 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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jazz
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response 20 of 27:
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Jul 30 16:42 UTC 2002 |
It's more than that, though. I've noticed that almost everyone seems
to test or evaluate you, and if you're overly willing to give, or to forgive,
you can doom a friendship or a relationship to being, at best, codependent.
I learned to be careful in the first few exchanges, and it's bled over into
later exchanges.
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bhelliom
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response 21 of 27:
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Aug 6 15:19 UTC 2002 |
It's not cool to "test" someone to see how they're going to respond. I
do think if you hard enough to find something, you'll see it, whether
it is really there or not. However, that seems to me to be in the
context of established relationships. Everyone does evaluates people
to a certain degree in intital meetings. It's a survival mechanism. It
does pay to be cautious.
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jaklumen
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response 22 of 27:
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Aug 7 10:40 UTC 2002 |
It's generally referred to as "first impressions" in the business
world, right?
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jazz
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response 23 of 27:
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Aug 9 17:39 UTC 2002 |
I've seen people consciously test others, or evaluate them on how they
deal with certain situations or individuals, but what I'm thinking of is a
different beast altogether. It's worth noting because it seems to operate
on some peculiar rules - the very first "test"'s results seem to be so
critical - and it seems to be almost universally pervasive.
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bhelliom
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response 24 of 27:
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Aug 12 19:25 UTC 2002 |
I definitely am confused then. I *thought* I got your meaning.
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