| Grex > Inbetween > #36: Letting go when they grow up |
| Letting go when they grow up | 
Jan 16 19:14 UTC 1996 |
I spent Christmas with my now fourteen year old cousin. We were very close when we were little but then he had to move and now more than ever before, I feel out of place because he is growing up. I know that he won't ever look up to me like he did as a kid and I know that I can't solve all his problems anymore, but still. I want him to know that I will always be there for him and that he can come to me with anything and I won't tell his parents, etc. I'm just not sure how to do this. I'm afraid he will feel like I'm intruding and I wouldn't want him to think that. I just want him to know that I will be there for him always. Any suggestions?
| response 1 of 6: |
Jan 17 03:57 UTC 1996 |
I don't know. I think trust is something that has to be built up gradually, so if you've grown apart it may just be a matter of getting to know eachother again.
| response 2 of 6: |
Mar 10 12:57 UTC 1996 |
yow. I can't really identify, because I don't think anyone has ever really looked up to me. I do wonder if what you're experiencing, Amy, is perhaps similar to what parents go through when their children grow up. I would suggest letting your cousin know exactly how you feel. I don't really think that telling him that you will always be there for him is intrusive at all, but you might break the ice, so to speak, by actually saying that you don't want to intrude, but that you just want him to know that you'll always be there for him. My guess is that you can come up with a better way of saying it than I ever could.
| response 3 of 6: |
Apr 3 05:12 UTC 1996 |
I would have to agree with carson, just say what you did above... I'm assuming that you probably have dealt with this already, though... how did it work out? I have noticed that my relationsh has changed with my 13 year old sister, even though she still looks up to me, we hve a more "equal" relationship. And there are a lot of things that she is looking for someone who is more like a peer than a parent to talk with about.
| response 4 of 6: |
Jul 21 06:13 UTC 1996 |
I think you should just tell him that, he will understand. He should anyway, And also, he just wants his space too!!!
| response 5 of 6: |
Nov 7 02:11 UTC 1996 |
The last time I saw my cousin, we stayed up till about 3am talking and that was just the first night. Things are better now. It'll never be exactly the way it used to be, but we're learning that we're both growing up and we both are facing a lot of changes and that sometimes we'll just have to roll with the punches. We both graduated this May and we both got each other presents so that was cool. I do see him as an equal now. I know he's a lot more mature than I was at 14. Things will never be exactly the same again, but hey, with time and effort, maybe we will someday be as good of friends as we were as children.
| response 6 of 6: |
Jan 8 03:33 UTC 1997 |
I agree with scg. Being there is alot more than giving someone an option to talk to you or not. It is mostly *being there*. If you're not adding something else to the relationship, he might as well be talking to a wall. You have to share experiences. Things going on in your life will relate to him more than you know. If you want to be a friend you can't be a parent, or over-critical. Be honest. You have to keep him on the same level. More importantly, don't fall out of touch. Talk to him and make sure he talks back. Z.