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| Author |
Message |
lumen
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glb humor
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May 28 04:47 UTC 1999 |
Hey, we need some great jokes in here! I know there's a ton of glb
jokes; I remember a guy I rode the bus with who had a long list of gay
ones.
Some of the jokes I'll give as examples contain epithets that might be
considered offensive, but I give a disclaimer that I do not intend to
offend anyone.
On your mark, get set-- go!
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| 19 responses total. |
lumen
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response 1 of 19:
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May 28 05:03 UTC 1999 |
Q: How was the Little Dutch Boy like the lesbian that decided to
fingerfuck her lover?
A: He put his finger in the dike too.
Q: How are a gay man and a lawnmower alike?
A: You can get things started if you give 'em a yank.
Q: What's the difference between a gay man and a microwave?
A: The microwave doesn't brown your meat when you pull it out.
Q: What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A: The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
Q: Why can't they find more money for AIDS research?
A: They have a hard time getting the little mice to butt-fuck.
A bisexual cow was overheard saying, "I can't decide which side of the
fence is greener."
A girl wasn't sure about accepting an invitation to a party hosted by a
bisexual friend of hers who was a terrible flirt. She didn't know
whether he'd hit on her or on her boyfriend.
A group of gay men were hanging out at a bathhouse that had just been
fitted with a new spa tub. They were all sitting together in it,
lounging and relaxing when suddenly, a condom floated to the surface of
the water. "Okay," one of the men said. "Who farted?"
Q: What did the man say who picked up a drag queen at a club?
A: Fairy tales really do come true.
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brown
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response 2 of 19:
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Jun 1 04:51 UTC 1999 |
<groan>
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void
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response 3 of 19:
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Jun 2 23:35 UTC 1999 |
q: what do you call a lesbian nightclub in alaska?
a: a klondyke bar!
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gypsi
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response 4 of 19:
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Jun 3 02:40 UTC 1999 |
<lol>
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lumen
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response 5 of 19:
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Jun 4 06:30 UTC 1999 |
resp:3 Now that one's good! You usually don't hear lesbian ones as
often.
Here's one a bi friend told me:
Two gay men were having sex when the phone rang. The first said to the
other, "I have to go answer the phone, okay? Don't cum without me."
The second promised that he wouldn't. After a little while, the first
man returned to find cum sprayed all over the wall.
"I thought I told you not to cum," he said.
"I didn't."
"Then why is there cum all over the wall?"
"Oh, sorry, I had to fart."
Ask a lesbian or bisexual woman what a roundhouse is. It's a visual
gag, so I wouldn't be able to give you the punchline, nor tell it as
well as she could.
Responses to "What kind of tool are you?" heard from the Tool Line, part
of a gay phone sex line I used to call over to back East (and responses
based on the idea).
A hammer-- I like to nail things.
A jackhammer-- I like to shake things up.
A vacuum-- well, you get the idea.
A screwdriver.
A ratchet-- because I like to get a firm grip on the nuts.
A windshield repair gun-- because I like to fill holes.
There was a deleted scene from the movie _Spartacus_ that had a lot of
wit. The scene was between the master and the "body servant" over which
they preferred-- snails, or oysters. The body servant preferred snails.
The master preferred both. It is a question of taste, as the master
said. Think about that one.
Keep going-- I know there's a million out there!
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gypsi
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response 6 of 19:
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Jun 4 08:02 UTC 1999 |
How do you separate the men from the boys in San Francisco?
With a club.
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bookworm
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response 7 of 19:
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Jun 11 23:27 UTC 1999 |
Urgh!
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lumen
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response 8 of 19:
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Jun 11 23:47 UTC 1999 |
Whoa, I'd forgotten that one!
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cyberpnk
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response 9 of 19:
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Jun 14 18:05 UTC 1999 |
Q: How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three; One to change the bulb, and the pother two tho shriek "Faaaaabulous!"
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
A: We really do taste like chicken!
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lumen
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response 10 of 19:
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Jun 14 18:27 UTC 1999 |
Oh yes-- the second one I've heard quite a bit.
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void
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response 11 of 19:
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Jun 16 23:46 UTC 1999 |
ok. some might find this one in poor taste, but i think it's one
of the funniest things i ever heard (it's also a bit dated):
q: what's the most difficult thing about being hiv+?
a: explaining to your parents that you're haitian.
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lumen
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response 12 of 19:
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Jun 17 06:04 UTC 1999 |
doh
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bookworm
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response 13 of 19:
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Jun 19 21:14 UTC 1999 |
Pardon me for sounding stupid, but I don't get it.
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keesan
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response 14 of 19:
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Jun 28 13:11 UTC 1999 |
The first people diagnosed in any numbers with AIDS were Haitian.
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bookworm
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response 15 of 19:
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Jun 30 18:28 UTC 1999 |
Oh. Gotcha.
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void
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response 16 of 19:
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Jul 1 04:34 UTC 1999 |
in the early days of aids in the u.s., the most common patients were
gay men, i-v drug users, and haitian immigrants.
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jazz
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response 17 of 19:
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Jul 1 12:15 UTC 1999 |
Which led to some speculation of AIDS as a biological weapon first
tested in Hatian prisons (where some prisoners were imprisones simply because
they were gay, leading to a transmission vector for the gay male population).
Not to advance any conspiracy theories, but ...
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zebera
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response 18 of 19:
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Oct 2 22:34 UTC 1999 |
I love how decensitized to these kind of things I can get. It just
really makes me want to go fart a condomn..
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yurifan
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response 19 of 19:
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Jan 11 12:02 UTC 2004 |
Wow, those were some pretty good jokes..Here's one: There are four gay men
in a bar, and there is only one stool left...How do they all sit down? Answer:
They turn it over and sit one each leg...Crude, yes. Funny?,maybe.
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