I Am Not!

Oct 24 03:02 UTC 1998

Within the last couple of weeks, several of my friends, on different occations
told me (completely jokingly) that I'm a fag hag, and I have been forced to
sit around and ponder the definition of fag hag to try to agrue the point that
I'm not one.

So, y'all, what's the definition of a fag hag?

response 2 of 47:

Oct 24 14:00 UTC 1998

I didn't think it mattered whether you had gay friends on purpose or not.
And I thought it was a term of endearment, not a slam.

response 4 of 47:

Oct 25 23:10 UTC 1998

I'd agree with that assessment.  It does seem to be a security, but I'd say
the same is true for gays, especially those who are just coming out.  It's
convenient for the gay man because a 'fag hag' deflects some suspicion.

'fag hag'
                c.f. 'beard' (women have 'em too)

response 6 of 47:

Oct 25 23:30 UTC 1998

Maybe it's because gay men are among the few men who will have fun dancing
and shopping.

I like to go dancing and shopping, but I'm not a typical guy.

Anyway, it does make you wonder what their relationships are like with
straight men.

response 8 of 47:

Oct 26 02:43 UTC 1998

I've heard of it, and I don't think it was from horny rednecks, or that the
women in question had "high standards."  I think it _can_ be a confidence and
safety thing.

However, I did remember a guy I worked with who seemed frustrated with his
girlfriend because she seemed obsessed with gay guys.  (He wasn't a redneck,
either-- more of a stoner.)  Sure enough, I saw her holding hands with some
guy I knew was gay.  I doubt he minded-- a couple of jobs later, he came to
the convenience store I worked at with some model-looking chicks.

I dunno exactly what 'fag hags' get out of their deal, but it would seem to
me gay men get a cover.

response 10 of 47:

Oct 26 06:18 UTC 1998

It was a vent, i, but I really dislike people like that because it
means they're shallow.

response 12 of 47:

Oct 26 06:38 UTC 1998

#9> Paragraph one says it was entirely a coincidence. Paragraph two says you
deliberately sought gay males as friends because of the reasons I cited.
Which is it?

response 14 of 47:

Oct 26 16:30 UTC 1998

That's pretty much my experience, too Katie.  A lot of my male friends are
gay and I find them and their friends to be better than average company...but
I haven't especially sought them out it just sort of happens that way.  (Get
to know one person you like to spend time with, meet their friends, and before
you know it a large percentage of your favorite people have something in
common, whether it's being gay or being avid bowlers.

As to why women like to hang out with gay guys...I can oly speak for myself,
but it's largely a cultural thing.  I don't like guys or not because of their
sexuality but guys who are active in "gay lifestyles" tend to like many of
the same things and have many of the same passtimes as i do.  We have a
"symaptico" thing going, I guess.

I've often referred to my self jokingly as a "fag hag" because for a few years
there I kept falling head ovre heels for guys, only to discover that they were
gay.  They were nice people, they treated people well, they had better than
average grooming and fashion sense (for the gang I was familiar with), and
we had stuff in common.  <shrug>  Maybe I'm falling for stereotypes, but I
don't think so.  My husband (who is also bi-) has all those qualities and
they're what attracted me to him, too.

response 16 of 47:

Oct 28 02:30 UTC 1998

Re #12: Actually, you seem to have misread me... Let me see if I can clear
this up: the fact that in teh second half of high school most of my friends
were gay men wasn't something I sought out.  But what liked about it was the
reasons I cited.  No matter what, I would have had guys for most of my friends
(more than likely, anyway), but since they were gay, none of them fell in love
with me, and I accepted them as on the list of people I couldn't date, even
if I wanted to.  I don't know why most of my friends are men... but since I
was about 14, that's simply the way my life has been-- I've gotten along
better with men than with most women, though I've had some very close female
friends... I don't know.  

response 18 of 47:

Oct 29 02:57 UTC 1998

Strangely enough, a lot of my friends have been women; well, if you're talking
about my age group.  It's been getting a bit better now that I'm getting
closer to 25 and I've been in college-- college filters out a few of the idiot
guys and it's easier for me to find someone with an enlightened opinion.

I dunno.  It doesn't always work the other way gender-wise when it comes to
homosexual folks; most lesbians always seemed scared of me.  (Then again,
until I start talking to people, I suppose being 6'1" and 275 lbs. doesn't
help much.  A good deal is muscle, too.)  I remember one exception-- a lesbian
I worked with in food service at Whitman.  I was on a depressive swing (I'm
manic-depressive) and was trying to hide so no one could see me cry.  She
always acted tough, but she just melted when she found me with tears rolling
down my face.  First woman to kindly wipe away my tears :)

I've had mixed reactions with the gay guys I've met-- one was really flighty,
one was really sweet, but his boyfriend was an asshole; one..uh, never mind--
don't need to talk about him.

response 20 of 47:

Oct 29 06:12 UTC 1998

one of these days Jon, were doing Coffee......
one of these days

response 22 of 47:

Nov 2 06:17 UTC 1998

Re #4:  That surprises you?

I always thot a "fag-hag" was a hetero woman who chased after gay guys.  Do
you think there could be a male version that chases lesbians?

response 24 of 47:

Nov 2 12:41 UTC 1998

I've never heard 'fag hag' applied to a woman who _chases_ gay guys, but I
guess that works too. And of course there's a male version, there just isn't
an insulting name for him yet.